Tag Archives: Nice Guy

So Much To Tell…

27 Jun

Oh my god it has been one hell of a roller coaster ride the last week or so.  Let’s deal with the What The Fuck moment of the week.

I have been so busy, that I have been neglecting friends, family, and everyone in between.  Especially you guys…and I tell you  everything.  So needless to say, I have also been neglecting Nice Guy.  As in I haven’t talked to him for a week.  Just ONE WEEK.  Not a month, not a year, but a week.  And here is the email I received from him the other day:

I appreciate and understand that you have not had it easy the past year and are still working your way though things.  However, a friendship takes two and I have felt that you have been scarce to non-existent for some time.  I understand that you live in a different time zone, work two jobs, are taking care of your kids, and are fighting your ex and his girlfriend. In a friendship I would hope that my wants get met, but at the very least my needs get met.  Maybe after you have had the time to get settled you will be able to resume a friendship with me.  Only time will tell.  In the meantime, I cannot continue with our friendship in this way.  Good luck in your endeavors and I hope you find happiness and it is your own…Nice Guy.

And yes, this is copied and pasted, only thing changed is the name at the end.

I have an inbox FULL of emails from friends, and every other one says ‘Just please let us know your alive’, ‘You didn’t to anything stupid enough to go to jail, did you?’, ‘Hang in there baby, things get better’.  And then I get the one above.

If you KNOW that I am going through all of that drama, and you KNOW I have all of this shit going on, don’t you think I may appreciate an email that is a little more positive?  Or how about ‘I’m always here for you, I know you are going through a lot, just call me when you have time’?  FUCK OFF DOUCHEBAG.  Last thing I need is your girlie-ass complaining about your ex-girlfriend from two years ago that you are still pining over because she is sooooo beautiful.  She left you, man the fuck up, and get on with your life.

In other news, Medic cancelled another lunch.  What the fuck ever.  We were drunk, you kissed me, big fucking deal.  Why is it that dudes have to make a federal case about everything?  He acts like it was the world’s biggest no-no.  I just don’t have the energy for it.

In better news…I went out with Fighter again.  And we had a really nice time.  It turned into a three and a half hour lunch, where we just learned a little more about each other.  And he asked me to go have a day with him this Thursday.  He wants to go do something ‘fun’, like bowling or miniature golfing.  I suggested laser tag, because nothing says ‘date’ like shooting someone in the ass.  We will see what he decides 🙂

On this better news note, I am having a bit of a panic attack.  I feel like date three is a committment.  As a committment-phobe, I am having issues with this.  Fighter has yet to ask why I got divorced.  I have yet to tell him about my marriage.  I have always said it isn’t anyone’s business, but I am now second guessing that opinion.  I’m thinking he needs to know.  I have yet to kiss him because I am interested in him.  He hugs me and I am the one who breaks away.  This is all quite the conundrum for me.  I can go to Mr. Hottie or AG, and have awesome sweaty sex.  I can go see Medic and drape myself all over him.  But give me someone I have an interest in dating and getting to know, and I am like a deer in headlights.  I think I am afraid of being back in a dark place, one I never want to go to again.  I’m afraid of being hurt, emotionally and physically.

I am aware I have hang-ups.  And the last thing I want to happen is me sabotaging something that could be GREAT.  That is why I am womaning up.  I am going on this date, and I am going to take it one day at a time.  And I think very soon I may have to have a talk with him.  I don’t want him thinking that he is the problem, when in fact it is me and my past.  Sigh.

Much love, Esme


Yours Truly Is Back…

6 Feb

What’s up hookers??  How have all of you been?  I have missed you guys…reading your stories, sharing mine with you.  But I am fucking back.  And I have a picture to share with you:

Yep…that’s me.  Shooting an M4.  Be afraid…be very afraid…all of those douchebag dudes better take note!

I had the most AMAZING time at this 2-week course.  I met some great people, got a few leads on some jobs, and won a little money in the casino.  You can’t beat a working trip like that.  You just can’t.  I could talk for hours about this class…it was a tactical medic course designed mostly for the military.  I was so damn fortunate to wind up in it.  I have been asked to write an article for an EMS magazine detailing my experience as a civilian going through the course.  I think I just may…

I never did hear from Dude again, and I think that is better.  I don’t think I could be nice right now…what a fuck-stick.  I am all for booty calls, you all know this…but not when I have to be up in FOUR FUCKING HOURS.  Negative.

I have the opportunity to have a date this week.  I may do it for shits and grins…and a free drink.  Why the fuck not??

Guess who I heard from while I was in my class??  Mr. Hottie.  He was telling me how much he misses sex with me.  Awww…go fuck your fiancée.  But it does make me feel good to know he can’t quit me.  Hahaha!!!

One question for my loyal readers out there…Nice Guy had a date this weekend that just went horribly fucking bad. I asked him why he didn’t end it long before that.  He said women can do that, but men just can’t.  I disagree…is it wrong for a dude to say ‘Hey, I am not feeling this, so peace?’  I don’t think so.  Why waste everyone’s time?  And he spent a fucking fortune on this date.  Completely unneccessary.  Agree or disagree?  Discuss…

Much love, Esme




Where Are They Now?

22 Jan

My hellish work-week is finally coming to a close.  I had every intention of going out and getting my groove on tonight, but I am just fucking exhausted. And I don’t want to spend the energy it would take to do it. So I am spending the night with you hookers instead.  You’re welcome.

Carmen brought up doing a Where Are They Now post, which I think is such a great idea.  Now that I am much more removed from the craziness of some of these guys, even I am interested in seeing where this goes.  So let’s just dive in to the shallow end, shall we??

Ambulance Guy-We both were going through a divorce when we connected.  Never did I think it would be anything but sex, and it never was.  He has since reconciled with his wife (for the sake of the kids) and is still miserable.  Stupid shit…

Perfect-This was a whole sordid story…One which you can read about by clicking on his tag.  In short…we met, we dated.  We broke up because he went back to his ex-wife.  He left his ex-wife, and I was stupid enough to take him back.  We dated/fucked…and one day he called me a lying whore.  OVER.  I have no idea what he is doing now, and I just plain don’t give a fuck.

Mr. Hottie-I’ve written about him A LOT.  We had such a great relationship.  But not really a relationship, because I was not ready for a label.  I fucked that up…or so I thought.  He is since engaged, and has not been faithful to his fiancée.  Did we work for so long because we didn’t have a label?  Maybe…no stress…no worries.  Was I the one that got away?  Also maybe.  But he has a reputation for being a playboy, and I wasn’t willing to take that chance with my heart.  Plus…I run when feelings are mentioned…probably thanks to Perfect.  Ass-hat.  Every once in a while I get a text asking me for ‘a drink’, which was our ‘let’s fuck’ code.  And no hookers…I have not done it…goddamnit.

The Doctor-I was really liking this guy.  Truly.  But he got so fucking clingy.  When I was sick with meningitis, he got angry that I wasn’t calling him everyday.  Seriously???  DONE.  I don’t even communicate with him anymore.  I feel sorry for his next girlfriend.

Firefighter not worth mentioning-married with a kid.  Good for him.

New Guy-I don’t keep in touch with him.  Right after he dumped me for being a firefighter, he started dating his best girl friend.  He was a pussy…who doesn’t like a girl in uniform??  Especially one that can carry a dude up the stairs to the bedroom???

Sexy-He tried keeping in contact with me, but I just couldn’t.  It hurt too much.  Left for an ex-wife again.

Irish-man-I haven’t heard from him since I asked him if he was married.  So that tells me yes, indeed he was.  Dick.

Nice Guy-I would consider him my best guy friend.  I heart him.  I would do anything for him.  He hurts, I hurt.  He’s happy, I’m happy.  I am so glad he is in my life!

Ex-BF-Has issues with feelings, as do I.  Bad mix.  He freaked.  His loss.  He will always have problems with this.  I haven’t seen him since I wrote about him last.  Too bad people just can’t have sex…

The last guy I never gave a name to-Never heard from him again.  Both our losses…the sex was GREAT.  Why do men do that??

God, no fucking wonder I have committment issues!  Left for ex-wives, left because I am a firefighter…I really find some pussy-ass men…I just don’t want to get hurt anymore!  I bet I run away from the best guy ever…just watch…

Love, Esme


19 Jan

Nice Guy called me a few minutes ago…

N: Vegas is off, Esme.  My boss just told me I have to be at a meeting on Monday, and if I am not there I risk losing my job.

I am so upset over this!  I was oh so very much looking forward to seeing him on this trip.  I told him to fly out on Tuesday then, and he is going to look into it.  His boss is such a fuck-tard.  How can you do that to someone who already requested, and was granted, the time off?  FUCKING BULLSHIT.  We even had tickets already to a show on Sunday night.  I may actually cry…

1.  I am pissed off that he won’t be there.  Fuck his boss.

2.  I am pissed off I will be there ALONE.  Fuckity fuck FUCK!!!


And Ohmigod I Can’t Believe I Forgot…

11 Jan

I can’t believe I fucking forgot to tell you guys this!!  I am such a SKANK!  Listen up…

At the end of the month I am going to Las Vegas for a paramedic refresher class.  It is a once every two-year event.  I know, life is hard, right?  Vegas for a class?  Someone just fucking shoot me…my life is just fucking pitiful.  ANYWAYS.  I was talking to Nice Guy on the phone about a month ago, as we still talk a few times a week, and I was telling him I was going to Vegas for this class.

Really?  How long are you in class during the day?  Would you be willing to go out at night when you get done with class?  Do you want some company?

Abso-fucking-lutely!!  My class is only 6 hours a day.  I don’t start class until 1000 each morning.  I don’t go to bed until around 2am anyways.  And who wants to be in Vegas by themselves?  Hells to the muthafucken yeah.

I have no idea what he is going to do while I am in class.  I don’t really fucking care.  He knows he is on his own.  It’s Vegas, he will come up with something.  I have no idea what we are going to do in Vegas.  Last time we were together in Vegas it’s not like we had sex or anything.  Who doesn’t fuck in Vegas??  Oh yeah…HIM.  We didn’t have sex until I visited him in his home state a few months ago.  And-check this out-he admitted he actually felt a little guilty about it because we weren’t in a relationship.  He is just an honest-to-goodness Nice Guy. Would I sleep with him again?  Fuck yes I would.  But I am playing stupid on this one, I think.  I am not going to expect it.  I am not going to instigate it.  I am not even going to bring it up.  If he says anything, I will question him, make sure it is what he wants.  If he jumps me in the hotel room…well…then it is just GAME ON.  I am not going to turn someone down with a solid 9.5 rating 😉

Any advice from my ladies out there?

Love, Esme

Stolen From CB…

10 Jan

So I am a stealing bitch…but at least I am way classy enough to admit it!  Great questions from Her Majesty over at Cigarettes and Stilettos (GO READ IT).  And I have decided to also answer.  For the hell of it.  Why the fuck not…

1 – How old do you act?
For the most part?  Like a sexually-liberated woman in her early thirties who doesn’t take shit from anyone.

2 – Why is the sky blue?
Reflection of the suns rays off of dust in the atmosphere.  Or because it is better than orange.

3 – Do you burp, fart, or both in front of others?
Only at the firehouse.  They don’t count as ‘people’.

4 – Someone’s writing a book based on your life.  What would the title be?
Getting Your Moxie Back

5 – How many days in a row can you go without taking a dump?
Eeewwww…people actually talk about this shit before the age of 90??

6 – Favorite childhood cartoon?
Rainbow Brite. Is there any other? (Totally agree with CB on this one…I was even Rainbow Brite for Halloween!)

7 – Have you ever caught someone in the act of masturbating?
I have…I have the greatest knack of being in the wrong place at the wrong time!

8 – Favorite food to make/bake/cook/etc?
I LOVE to bake.  During the holidays I am in top form.

9 – What’s one redeeming quality about mushrooms?
Some have psychedelic properties.

10 – What’s wrong with Richard Simmons?
NO ONE is that happy all of the time.  Acid?  Crack??

11 – Name one celebrity who needs to come out of the closet.
Anyone on Jersey Shore.

12 – Name one redeeming quality about asparagus.
They would be better if they had psychedelic properties.

13 – If “We Are the Champions”, what are you?
I am Esme…Nuff said.

14 – What’s something they taught you in school that should never be taught to anyone?
Hmmm…so many to choose from…theater appreciation?  Music appreciation?  Any liberal arts class I had to take in college?  Take your fucking pick.

15 – What’s the deal with Steven Segal anyways?
Fucked up from all the ‘roids.  Happens.  Now has to make up for the little dick he probably has.

16 – Name two movies that should have never been made.
How about ONE?  Showgirls.  2 hours of my fucking life I can’t get back.  I watched the whole damn thing because it HAD to get better.  NEGATIVE.

17 – Do you enjoy to point, stare, and laugh at others?
Especially if it is OH SO deserved!

18 – Name one or more words that every time you hear them, make you cringe.
The N-word.  It just does.

19 – Have you ever put anything up your ass?
Exit only.

20 – What can you do better than most?
Just about everything.  It’s just no contest.

21 – Have you smoked pot?
Once.  I fucking hated it.

22 – Would you wrestle a member of the same sex, nude, in pudding for 10 minutes for one million dollars?
Multiple times!

23 – Happiest moment of your life?
The day my divorce papers were signed.

24 – Name in order, the body parts of the opposite sex you notice first.
1. Height

2. Chest


3. Arms

4. Tattoos

25 – What or where’s the furthest you’ve been away from home?
Germany.  Maybe Poland.  I don’t fucking know.  Depends where home is.

26 – Have you ever been to Africa?
No, but I want to!

27 – Can you currently do a split?
Ahahahahahahahaha!!!  No.

28 – What’s better – a knee-jerk reaction or a polish knee slap?

29 – Ever given anyone a dutch oven?
Christ, NO!

30 – What’s your favorite kind of apple?
Cut up and baked into Apple Crisp, thanks very much. (Another awesome answer)

31 – Favorite Muppet?
Uuuuh, Ms. Piggy!!! She’s fucking fabulous!  (Again, keeping this.  She mastered the sultry look!)

32 – Squash just doesn’t sound very tasty.  What say you?
Isn’t that a semi-sport?

33 – How many sexual partners have you had?
See last post…

34 – Favorite number?
54.  Brian Urlacher.  Oooh the shit I would do to that man…

35 – Favorite type of pet?
Pet?  Dogs.  Animal?  Partial to giraffes.

36 – Favorite sexual position?
Only the lucky 10 know.

37 – Least favorite sexual position?
There is just no such thing.  Is that even a phrase?  I just don’t…nope.  Not understanding the question.

38 – Is it better to give or receive?
Receive receive receive!!!!

39 – When’s the last time you vomited?
I HATE RALPHING.  I will do whatever it takes not to.  I have an endless supply of zofran.  No shit.  But Nice Guy recently admitted I ralphed the first time I met him, when he visited me in the hospital when I fell down the stairs.  He held my hair for me.  He didn’t tell me because he didn’t want to embarrass me.  Awww….

40 – Name one product you use that everyone ought to use.
deodorant.  No shit.  Wikipedia it if you have no idea what it is.

41 – What’s worse – having your period or spraining your ankle?
Little known fact of Esme…I don’t have periods (WHAT??)  Nope.  I am every mans wet-fucking-dream.  I am my own wet dream.  So I chose spraining my ankle.

42 – What sport can you play well?
Used to be soccer.  Then in college I started playing softball.  Now I run.  Sooo…I probably rock at it all.  Guys dig athletic girls (so I have been told…at least until you beat them…then not so much)

43 – What’s the funniest thing you’ve heard/seen/done in the past week?
Hmmm, the Mini Badass called the cat a dumb fucking bitch the other day.  (SHUT UP CB!!  Are you fucking serious???  I totally want to meet your daughter!!)

As for me, I always do something stupid/funny.  It is just what I do.  I was at a party the other night, and someone threw what we thought was an empty beer can at Jadyn and I.  She picked it up and threw it back, and it sprayed him ALL OVER.  It was fucking hilarious.  But it was one of those things that you had to see.  And we were wasted, so it was even funnier.  In hindsight, probably not funny at all…but it was at the time.  All I take from that night-I won at beer pong and I haven’t played in ten years.  Once again…I rock.

44 – Are you interested in being friends with someone on death row?
So I can be one of the stupid snatches that ends up marrying someone like Ted Bundy?  PASS.

45 – What’s 4+3*800/3?
If I flash a boob, will it matter?

46 – Who would make a better President – Sarah Palin or Cookie Monster?
I would actually be interested in seeing what Sarah Palin would do-and no I am not interested in arguing this point.  HOWEVER-I bet racism would be a moot point if a blue monster were in office…so he wins.

47 – Have you ever done a snow angel in the nude?
Umm…no.  For money, maybe.  But would not for shits and grins.

48 – Who’s your favorite Golden Girl?
Rose!  I love her!  She just lived in her little idyllic world, and every once in a while you would see her skank side come out…especially when she started dating Miles!

49 – Have you ever taken a dump out a window?
I’ve been DUMPED out of a window, but have never taken a dump out of a window.  Who came up with these?

50 – Favorite kind of ice cream?

Peanut Butter and Chocolate, but ONLY from Baskin Robbins.  I am salivating right now…


That was fun!  Apparently there may be more, if so I will do it!  If you decide to answer, link back so I can read your answers, too…I like learning new things about people!

Love much, Esme



Right Back At Ya, Simmarah!

7 Jan

So that sassy dame, Simmarah, and I, decided to blog about the guys we have slept with.  Why?  Who the fuck knows…and cares.  All we know is it could be really interesting.  So here it is…the lucky guys on my list.  Oh, and apparently we rated!  Take that, fuckers.  Drumroll please!!!

1.  My ex-husband…the one who never gave me an orgasm. 0/10

2.  Ambulance Guy…Ahh, what memories.  Looking back, not all that great, but exactly what I needed to awaken the desires.  4/10

3.  Perfect…looking back, what a stupid fucking nickname for him.  But, at the time I thought he was fucking phenomenal.  Ummm…no.  Only good thing was he could go for hours. 5/10

4.  Mr. Hottie…to this DAY I still look back on Mr. Hottie and think he may be the best damn lay I have ever had.  Not because of mechanics or know-how, but because he was so damn into my body. And it just shined through.  10/10

5.  The Doctor…looking back, meh.  Just not much to say about it.  5/10

6.  Another firefighter not worth mentioning.  2/10

7.  New Guy…it was so vanilla, I almost forgot about it.  3/10

8.  Sexy…Awesome.  It was awesome.  Too bad his personality wasn’t.  9/10

9.  Irish-man…it was good, but I still maintain I think he is married.  Too bad…fucker.  7/10

10.  Nice Guy…so we finally did it, and it was well worth the wait.  Didn’t rate quite as high as one other, but damn it sure was close!  The man knows his way around a woman.  9.5/10

11.  Ex-BF…also excellent.  He was also a great fucking time.  Too bad he had to go and be a dick.  *sigh* Men and their drama.  9/10.

As a disclaimer…I wish my list were longer.  WHAT?!?! You heard me right.  I wish I was a bigger skank.  I was the good girl who didn’t sleep with anyone else until she met her husband.  I was even in a sorority in college!  I had every fucking opportunity!!  I wish I were a whore in college!!!!! But I was all for maintaining my good girl image.  Fuck that shit.  Once I was free to start seeing people again, I did.  With a vengeance.  And without much prejudice, apparently.  However, I am making up for lost time.  AND, I am still working on it, thankyouverymuch.

Anyone else want to join in on this?  Reminiscing can be such fun…I dare you…

Much love, Esme