Tag Archives: Meme

Stolen From CB…

10 Jan

So I am a stealing bitch…but at least I am way classy enough to admit it!  Great questions from Her Majesty over at Cigarettes and Stilettos (GO READ IT).  And I have decided to also answer.  For the hell of it.  Why the fuck not…

1 – How old do you act?
For the most part?  Like a sexually-liberated woman in her early thirties who doesn’t take shit from anyone.

2 – Why is the sky blue?
Reflection of the suns rays off of dust in the atmosphere.  Or because it is better than orange.

3 – Do you burp, fart, or both in front of others?
Only at the firehouse.  They don’t count as ‘people’.

4 – Someone’s writing a book based on your life.  What would the title be?
Getting Your Moxie Back

5 – How many days in a row can you go without taking a dump?
Eeewwww…people actually talk about this shit before the age of 90??

6 – Favorite childhood cartoon?
Rainbow Brite. Is there any other? (Totally agree with CB on this one…I was even Rainbow Brite for Halloween!)

7 – Have you ever caught someone in the act of masturbating?
I have…I have the greatest knack of being in the wrong place at the wrong time!

8 – Favorite food to make/bake/cook/etc?
I LOVE to bake.  During the holidays I am in top form.

9 – What’s one redeeming quality about mushrooms?
Some have psychedelic properties.

10 – What’s wrong with Richard Simmons?
NO ONE is that happy all of the time.  Acid?  Crack??

11 – Name one celebrity who needs to come out of the closet.
Anyone on Jersey Shore.

12 – Name one redeeming quality about asparagus.
They would be better if they had psychedelic properties.

13 – If “We Are the Champions”, what are you?
I am Esme…Nuff said.

14 – What’s something they taught you in school that should never be taught to anyone?
Hmmm…so many to choose from…theater appreciation?  Music appreciation?  Any liberal arts class I had to take in college?  Take your fucking pick.

15 – What’s the deal with Steven Segal anyways?
Fucked up from all the ‘roids.  Happens.  Now has to make up for the little dick he probably has.

16 – Name two movies that should have never been made.
How about ONE?  Showgirls.  2 hours of my fucking life I can’t get back.  I watched the whole damn thing because it HAD to get better.  NEGATIVE.

17 – Do you enjoy to point, stare, and laugh at others?
Especially if it is OH SO deserved!

18 – Name one or more words that every time you hear them, make you cringe.
The N-word.  It just does.

19 – Have you ever put anything up your ass?
Exit only.

20 – What can you do better than most?
Just about everything.  It’s just no contest.

21 – Have you smoked pot?
Once.  I fucking hated it.


22 – Would you wrestle a member of the same sex, nude, in pudding for 10 minutes for one million dollars?
Multiple times!


23 – Happiest moment of your life?
The day my divorce papers were signed.

24 – Name in order, the body parts of the opposite sex you notice first.
1. Height

2. Chest

 

3. Arms

4. Tattoos

25 – What or where’s the furthest you’ve been away from home?
Germany.  Maybe Poland.  I don’t fucking know.  Depends where home is.

26 – Have you ever been to Africa?
No, but I want to!

27 – Can you currently do a split?
Ahahahahahahahaha!!!  No.

28 – What’s better – a knee-jerk reaction or a polish knee slap?
Dude.

29 – Ever given anyone a dutch oven?
Christ, NO!

30 – What’s your favorite kind of apple?
Cut up and baked into Apple Crisp, thanks very much. (Another awesome answer)

31 – Favorite Muppet?
Uuuuh, Ms. Piggy!!! She’s fucking fabulous!  (Again, keeping this.  She mastered the sultry look!)

32 – Squash just doesn’t sound very tasty.  What say you?
Isn’t that a semi-sport?

33 – How many sexual partners have you had?
See last post…

34 – Favorite number?
54.  Brian Urlacher.  Oooh the shit I would do to that man…

35 – Favorite type of pet?
Pet?  Dogs.  Animal?  Partial to giraffes.

36 – Favorite sexual position?
Only the lucky 10 know.

37 – Least favorite sexual position?
There is just no such thing.  Is that even a phrase?  I just don’t…nope.  Not understanding the question.

38 – Is it better to give or receive?
Receive receive receive!!!!

39 – When’s the last time you vomited?
I HATE RALPHING.  I will do whatever it takes not to.  I have an endless supply of zofran.  No shit.  But Nice Guy recently admitted I ralphed the first time I met him, when he visited me in the hospital when I fell down the stairs.  He held my hair for me.  He didn’t tell me because he didn’t want to embarrass me.  Awww….

40 – Name one product you use that everyone ought to use.
deodorant.  No shit.  Wikipedia it if you have no idea what it is.

41 – What’s worse – having your period or spraining your ankle?
Little known fact of Esme…I don’t have periods (WHAT??)  Nope.  I am every mans wet-fucking-dream.  I am my own wet dream.  So I chose spraining my ankle.

42 – What sport can you play well?
Used to be soccer.  Then in college I started playing softball.  Now I run.  Sooo…I probably rock at it all.  Guys dig athletic girls (so I have been told…at least until you beat them…then not so much)

43 – What’s the funniest thing you’ve heard/seen/done in the past week?
Hmmm, the Mini Badass called the cat a dumb fucking bitch the other day.  (SHUT UP CB!!  Are you fucking serious???  I totally want to meet your daughter!!)

As for me, I always do something stupid/funny.  It is just what I do.  I was at a party the other night, and someone threw what we thought was an empty beer can at Jadyn and I.  She picked it up and threw it back, and it sprayed him ALL OVER.  It was fucking hilarious.  But it was one of those things that you had to see.  And we were wasted, so it was even funnier.  In hindsight, probably not funny at all…but it was at the time.  All I take from that night-I won at beer pong and I haven’t played in ten years.  Once again…I rock.

44 – Are you interested in being friends with someone on death row?
So I can be one of the stupid snatches that ends up marrying someone like Ted Bundy?  PASS.

45 – What’s 4+3*800/3?
If I flash a boob, will it matter?

46 – Who would make a better President – Sarah Palin or Cookie Monster?
I would actually be interested in seeing what Sarah Palin would do-and no I am not interested in arguing this point.  HOWEVER-I bet racism would be a moot point if a blue monster were in office…so he wins.

47 – Have you ever done a snow angel in the nude?
Umm…no.  For money, maybe.  But would not for shits and grins.

48 – Who’s your favorite Golden Girl?
Rose!  I love her!  She just lived in her little idyllic world, and every once in a while you would see her skank side come out…especially when she started dating Miles!

49 – Have you ever taken a dump out a window?
I’ve been DUMPED out of a window, but have never taken a dump out of a window.  Who came up with these?

50 – Favorite kind of ice cream?

Peanut Butter and Chocolate, but ONLY from Baskin Robbins.  I am salivating right now…

 

That was fun!  Apparently there may be more, if so I will do it!  If you decide to answer, link back so I can read your answers, too…I like learning new things about people!

Love much, Esme

 

 

Day 01

27 Nov

Day 01-A recent picture of you and 15 interesting facts about yourself.

Well stalkers…I am not posting a recent picture of myself.  THAT would defeat the purpose of an anonymous blog, don’t you think?  Look at the picture on the left-hand side, substitute dark hair, and you have me.  I’m pretty fucking hot…just saying.

15 interesting facts?  I have done this a few times, but let me see if I can come up with something new!

1-I am an amazing lightweight when it comes to drinking.  As in three beers, or two glasses of wine, or two shots.  After a very small amount of liquor I just may be dancing on a table, or singing ‘I Touch Myself’ via karaoke.  Yes…I am that girl.

2-I don’t have an internal filter.  I think something, and it comes out of my mouth.  And very rarely is that a good thing.

3-I am honestly getting to a point where I am getting fucking sick of dating.  As in I don’t want to do it anymore.  Is a great date too much to ask for?

4-When someone asks me what my biggest regret is, I tell them I wish I would have been a whore in college.

5-I am a very competitive person…so much so that most of my friends won’t even play board games with me anymore.  I’m not a sore loser by any means, but I sure in the hell like to win.  And I am a fucking trivia QUEEN.

6-Very few people know this, but I played basketball my first semester of college.  And when I transferred schools, I let it go.  And I don’t even know why.

7-I didn’t start to embrace my femininity until last year…and that is really hard to do when you work at a firehouse!

8-As I get older I have realized I have so many great girlfriends, most of which I consider sisters.  And a great girlfriend beats a man any day of the week.

9-I love stupid comedies.  LOVE them.  I will laugh until I have tears running down my cheeks.

10-I have so many famous crushes…some of my favorites?  Mark Wahlberg, Jason Statham, and Brian Urlacher.  I have girl crushes as well…but that is a whole ‘nother post.

11-I think it is super hard to find 15 interesting things about me.

12-I have a really hard time with the holidays ever since my grandma passed away.  It has also been hard since the divorce.  I HATE my ex-husband, but no one likes to be alone on the holidays.  How-ev-er…I will not date a douchebag just to not be alone.  So I guess it doesn’t bother me that much!

13-I want pink hair.  Bright pink hair.  I have no idea why, but I do.

14-I want more tattoos.  The last one I got gave me the tattoo bug.  I want more BAD.  I know what I want, I have an idea of where I want them.  I could give a flying fuck if people don’t like tattooed women.  It’s all about me anyways.

15-I am finally starting to realize that there is something about me that attracts douchebags.  That I must push the great guys away.  I haven’t figured out what it is.  Either that or what they say is true…The good ones are taken…or gay.  I don’t mind gay.  At least my house will be impeccably decorated and we would look fabulous dah-lin!

Much love hookers, Esme

30 Days Of Blogging

27 Nov

30 Days of Blogging

  • Day 01 – A recent picture of you and 15 interesting facts about yourself
  • Day 02- The meaning behind your blog name
  • Day 03- A recent picture of you and your friends
  • Day 04- A habit that you wish you didn’t have
  • Day 05- A picture of somewhere you’ve been
  • Day 06- Favorite super hero/fictional character and why
  • Day 07- A picture of someone/something that has the biggest impact on you
  • Day 08- Short term goals for this month and why
  • Day 09- Something you’re proud of in the past few days
  • Day 10- Songs you listen to when you are Happy, Sad, Bored, Hyped, Mad
  • Day 11- Another picture of you and your friends
  • Day 12- How you found out about WordPress and why you made one
  • Day 13- A letter to someone who has hurt you
  • Day 14- A picture of you and your family
  • Day 15- Put your iPod on shuffle: First 10 songs that play
  • Day 16- Another picture of yourself
  • Day 17- Someone you would want to switch lives with for one day and why
  • Day 18- Plans/dreams/goals you have
  • Day 19- Nicknames you have; why do you have them
  • Day 20- Someone you see yourself marrying/being with in the future
  • Day 21- A picture of something that makes you happy
  • Day 22- What makes you different from everyone else
  • Day 23- Something you crave for a lot
  • Day 24- A letter to your parents
  • Day 25- What I would find in your bag
  • Day 26- What you think about your friends
  • Day 27- Why are you doing this 30 day challenge
  • Day 28- A picture of you last year and now, how have you changed since then?
  • Day 29- In this past month, what have you learned
  • Day 30- Who are you?
That’s right…jumping on the bandwagon.  I thought it would be neat to give you a bit of an insight to Esme.  See what makes me tick, turns me on, turns me off.  What makes me go, and what makes me come to an absolute screeching halt.  So without further adieu…my 30 days of blogging.
Love, Esme

    Wicked Wednesday: Top Ten

    3 Nov

    What’s up fellow bad girls?  This week I get to give a top ten list…any top ten I damn well please.  I have thought about it…and here it is.  My top ten list.

    Top Ten Women I Most Admire (Surprising, no?  Read on…some may actually surprise!)

    1.  My Grandmother.

    • This woman was truly an amazing woman, and was taken from this world way too early.  She was a war bride, eloping with my grandfather during WWII in San Francisco in a little chapel that no longer exists.  She was in the WAVES, and her and my grandfather both were married in their military uniforms, one of my favorite pictures!  My grandma gave birth to six children, and raised them mostly on her own, thanks to the war.  Six children gave way to 17 grandchildren, and countless great-grandchildren.  My grandmother always had words of praise for everyone and warm cookies in the oven.  She went to school plays and graduations.  She told dirty jokes and had a wicked sense of humor.  Above it all, she stayed true to herself, to her husband, and to her marriage.  She wanted nothing but happiness for her family.  The best thing about my grandmother, however, was the bad girl streak she had hidden in her.  She was fiercely protective of her family.  If she didn’t like you, she made it abundantly clear.  I want that talent…

    2.  My Mom.

    • For obvious reasons.  And as I get older, and she gets more open, I believe my mom may have been one of the original bad girls.

    3.  Sharon Osbourne.

    • I LOVE HER.  This is one woman who just doesn’t take anyone’s shit.  Did you watch the reality show Charm School on VH1?  When she beat the shit out of the blonde slut for talking crap about her husband?  Sharon told her something to the effect of ‘You can say what you want about me, but you don’t talk shit about my family’.  I also love that she will just say what she is thinking.  Your feelings be damned.  She just has a take no prisoners attitude.  It’s fucking great.

    4.  Khloe Kardashian.

    • I never thought I would say that…EVER.  Me, like a Kardashian?  But I really like the spunk of Khloe.  She talks like a fucking sailor-even calling her sister’s fiancée a ‘douche-lord’.  She doesn’t seem to care about impressing the rich people of Beverley Hills.  She struggles with her weight and doesn’t care who knows about it.  She also speaks her mind.  I think she is so beautiful, because she could be any one of us.  And I love that she embraced her wild streak-even when she met the love of her life.  Khloe met Lamar, knew she wanted him, and married him in no time flat. Nay-sayers be damned!  You go with your bad self!

    5.  Katharine Hepburn

    • ‘If you follow all the rules, you miss all the fun’-from Ms. Hepburn.  We all know she was an actress back in the 30’s, what some people don’t know is she was a wild child.  She carried on a long-term affair with Spencer Tracey (who was married and would not divorce his wife because he was catholic), liked to swim naked (a big no-no), smoke (another no-no), constantly broke the rules and refused to conform to society’s and Hollywood’s standards.

    6.  Elizabeth I

    • She ran a country all by herself…alone…without a man…when everyone told her she couldn’t.  AND she did a damn good job.  Enough said.

    7.  Esther, from the Book of Esther in the Bible

    • I don’t remember too much from this story, as I am not much up on my bible stories as of late, but I do remember the premise.  Esther was chosen as queen of this country, without the king knowing her Jewish ancestry.  Esther’s cousin/father’s life was in danger, and she told her husband, putting her own life at risk-for when her husband, the king, found out about her ancestry her own life may have been at risk as well.  Her husband saved her cousin/father’s life, and even allowed the Jewish community to defend themselves against future threats.  I admire women who stand up for what they believe in-no matter the consequences.

    8.  Mae West.

    • Love love love Mae West.  Not only does she have some of the greatest quotes, but this woman did it all, saw it all, and had no problem telling it all.  Mae started her career in Vaudeville, revues, and risqué plays-one called Sex. Mae had censorship issues, and even served time in jail on morale charges.  She was a supporter of gay rights and the woman’s liberation movement-which back then was a big fucking deal.  She was an incredibly sexy woman who wasn’t afraid to use her looks and sex appeal to get what she wanted.

    9.  I have an amazing friend I will call A.

    • She doesn’t know this blog exists, so she won’t ever see this.  I met her in my domestic violence group.  She was the only other person, besides me, that was going through a divorce.  All of the other women were still in their marriages, and looking for ways to stay in their marriages.  A had a long road ahead of her, a long up hill road.  And she has faced it with grace, determination, and courage.  And she has succeeded.  Better than I did, I think.  I raise my glass to her.  A, you fucking rock.  You…are my hero.

    10.  I have another friend I will call J.

    • And she does know about this blog, and may read this!  J is the one person who knows all about the various men/boys that parade in and out of my life.  She knows about the randoms, the emotions, and the emotionless.  I can be completely honest with her about everything…and we all need one of those.  There are no judgements…just maybe a ‘girl are you fucking CRAZY?’ look every once in a while.  What else do I love about J?  She is the one person I know that is completely comfortable with who she is, inside and out.  Now, we all say we are.  We all say ‘I love myself’.  But J actually LIVES IT.  If someone doesn’t like something about her, she kicks them to the curb.  She will never compromise who she is for ANYONE-guy or girl.  J is the most honest person with herself I know.  I strive for that.  I LOVE YOU BITCH!!!

    There you have it…my top ten list of women I admire.  Probably not quite what you were looking for when you clicked on over here…but even I like to mix things up every once in a while!

    And a big THANK YOU to all of my new readers as of late…I really hope you have enjoyed what you have been seeing!

    Love, Esme

     

     

    Wicked Wednesday: BUSTED!

    27 Oct

    It’s that time of week again skanks…it’s Wicked Wednesday!

    I love Wicked Wednesday…but I have to admit I was scratching my head when it came to this weeks assignment.  Name a time when you almost got away with it.  As far as I know, I have never been caught.  I am a fucking ninja when it comes to getting my rocks off.  But, it does remind me of a time when people thought they caught me…

    I have blogged about ambulance boy before.  Even here on a Wicked Wednesday.  Fond memories, what can I say.  Plus, it’s a great fucking story.  Anyways, not too long after that incredible night, we found ourselves working together again.  AB was a medic student, and he had his final hands-on exam the following week.  He approached me and asked for help.  I said sure, and we headed out to the apparatus bay.

    I wish I could say we went out there and ripped each others clothes off.  That we shared a frenzied fuck session that left us both sweaty and breathless.  But no.  He actually needed to study.  Shit.  I dragged a naked Rescue Randy over to the ambulance and we got to work.  (Rescue Randy is a weighted dummy we use in the fire service for training purposes, you dirty-minded sluts…focus).  We were out there for quite some time.  I ran AB through his paces.  When he didn’t to something right, he did it again, and again, and again.  At one point, I had taken off my sweatshirt, and he did, too.  I had him simulating medical and trauma calls.  I had him doing CPR so many times he was hot and sweaty.  I wish back then I would have been bad enough to tell him to practice on me instead…

    Finally I called an end to the training.  It had been three long, sweaty hours, and AB had to start dinner…it was his turn to cook.  I dragged Rescue Randy over to his resting place.  AB and I headed back into the day room, tugging our sweatshirts back on as we did so.

    ‘OH MY GOD!!  We KNEW it!  You guys were fucking out there!!  Holy shit!!!  The Lou asked us where you were, and none of us were brave enough to check, and we fucking KNEW it!!!’  This was what we were greeted with when we walked back into the room.

    AB stopped in his tracks.  He didn’t confirm, nor did he deny.  Typical fucking boy.  He just stood there with a shit-eating grin on his face.  I put my palms in his back, shoved him forward, and he walked to the kitchen.

    ‘We weren’t having sex, you fuck-tards’, I said.  ‘I was helping him study for his practical exam.  If you bothered walking out there, you would have known this.’

    My crew responded with sures, yeahs, and whatevers.

    I rolled my eyes and said ‘And you think AB there could last 3 hours?  Somehow I truly fucking doubt that.  We would have been back in here after 5 minutes if that were the case.’

    From the kitchen: FUCK YOU, ESME!

    Game, set, match.

    Much love, Esme

    Wicked Wednesday

    22 Sep

    I caved!  But I just can’t resist this Meme…we all have a wicked side.  I found mine just over a year and a half ago…and I have been enjoying the fuck out of it ever since.  What story to choose?  Illicit affairs.  Sex marathons.  Ah, I’ve got it…

    https://love2esme.wordpress.com/2009/08/30/my-awakening/

    I would have written this much better today, but stand by it!  Many people have this fantasy, but I got to live it!

    And by the way-go give some love to the Bad Girl Bloggers.  I fucking love it there.  Bitches say what they want, what’s not to love??

    Love, Esme