Tag Archives: Irish dude

Who Knew These Things Existed?

9 Mar

Sup, yo?

OK, so I alluded to the fact that I went to this ‘Lock and Key’ event last Saturday.  And I don’t even know where to begin…so I am going to delve right into this…ummm…event.

So I am a couple of days removed from the hospital.  I still have heroin user looking arms.  I still have hardly any energy.  But goddamn I am going to this thing because it has GOT to be hilarious.  And it really did not disappoint.

This dating event was in a place where douche lords reign supreme.  I truly don’t know another way to put it!  I told my girl Jadyn-I swear to god if I see a popped collar, it will just make my fucking night.  She laughed.  And I should have put money on it.  We get there, and we are literally one of the first people there.  The chick in charge of the even introduces us to the only other person there…a tall old nerd.  Fucking GREAT. The event was open to 21-50 year olds, so I was just imagining how many OLD douche bags we were going to meet.  People did start showing up, and thankfully some looked to be our age.

The head chick came around and gave Jadyn and I locks.  Small ones, attached to a long string.  When I put it around my neck, it hung below my boobs.  Awesome.  That meant the d-lords wouldn’t have to get too close.  I looked around at the guys, trying to find some cute ones to approach.  What I found instead was a little horrifying…in the male-looks sense.  A popped collar (WIN), a dude with a white button down shirt with a phoenix stitched on the back of it.  A short balding man with a shark’s tooth necklace front and center with his shirt half-unbuttoned.  As I was talking to other guys, I found men who have done seven to nine of these events.  Who said they expected to meet their soul mate at one of these events.  Guys who actually tried using pick-up lines.  Guys whose first words out of their mouths was about how much money they make.  For fucking REAL?? Were Jadyn and I the only ones who saw this purely as entertainment value?

Finally I saw someone who caught my eye.  Slightly taller than me, definitely Irish, unshaved and wearing a ball cap.  Someone who wasn’t taking this seriously.  He walked in with a friend who looked like he was taking it seriously.  I was plotting on how to talk to this Irish guy…

Turns out I didn’t have to think about it long.  He found me.  He tried to unlock my lock (sounds so sexual…tee hee), was unsuccessful, and we both moved on.  He kept coming back around, trying again.  ‘I know it won’t work’, he would say, ‘but I just have to try again’.  He examined my lock, found a number on it, and walked away.  A few minutes later he returned, and tried again.  And it worked!  He then admitted he bribed the guy guarding the locks and keys.  Awww…

We talked the rest of the night, kind of ignoring everyone else. He made me laugh.   He bought me a drink, and he asked me for my number.  I gave it.  Soon enough (or not soon enough, depending on how you look at it), it was over.  Jadyn and I found each other, and so did this dude and his friend.  Then the subject of going out to eat came up.  Why the fuck not, I already went to a damned dating event, why not dinner at ten at night with two guys we just met?  What the fuck could happen?

We had some more drinks, we laughed, we had fun.  We wound up back at Friend’s house.  How the hell did THAT happen?  Irish dude and I went on the patio to talk.  And he kissed me.  And I felt a weird fluttering in my stomach.  What the fuck was that?  We go back into the house, Jadyn looked ready to leave, I was ready to leave, so we left.  I didn’t expect anything else out of it but a great blog entry.

Surprise of all surprises, Irish dude texted me the next day.  And we went back and forth for quite some time.  I heard from him the next day.  I heard from him quite often.  Not stalker often, but enough to know he was interested.  So yesterday day he asked me to dinner.  He said he would cook for me, and sweetened the deal by telling me his apartment complex has a hottub.  (OK, just a side note here…does anyone else thing of the SNL skit with Eddie Murphy singing ‘In The Hottub’ as James Brown?  Every time I say hottub…haha!!  There it goes again!)  A man who will cook for me, and who can take me hottubbing?  So in…

He made an amazing meal of roast beef and vegetables.  He took me to the hottub (Ah-hahahahaha!!!).  We watched a movie and had a couple of beers.  And he kissed me again.  And again.  And he was such a good kisser…that we did a little more.  Well, he did a little more to me.  No, I did not sleep with him, but damn did I want to.  No no no, this was All.  About.  Me.  And ladies, how often do we get to just lay back and enjoy without having to do ANY work?  Oh yeah, that was me.  And it was fucking phenomenal.  Holy shit, if he is that skilled with his hands, what the hell is everything else going to be like?

I finally passed out in my post-orgasmic sated bliss.  I woke up several times during the night, and whenever I moved he put his arms around me.  I MISS THAT. I miss that basic human contact.  He would graze my forehead with kisses, run his fingers up and down my arm.  SIGH SIGH SIGH. I think I may have purred…

He had somewhere to be early.  But he got up and cooked me bacon and eggs while I was in the shower.  He walked me to my car.  He was a perfect gentleman.  He did ask me why I didn’t sleep with him.  (Not that he was complaining-he said I made him feel like quite the man with my response to him last night).  I was honest.  I told him I would really like to see him again, and I worried I wouldn’t if we had sex.  He laughed and told me that he had every intention of seeing me again…regardless.

We will see…

Love, Esme

And for your viewing pleasure:  In the hottub!  Yeah!