Tag Archives: internet dating

No More Convos with Molly…

23 Nov

This happened two days ago:

M: Hey Esme, it’s Molly!  How are things with Loverboy?  (Molly has had more boyfriends in one year then I have had dates in my life.  Normally she is ON when it comes to advice.)
E: Hi Molly!  I think they are going pretty well, considering we won’t see each other until next Sunday.
M: Did he text you today?
E: No.  He had a surprise party for his mom today.  I don’t expect to hear from him.
M: Oooohhh…really? Inhales sharply.
E: What?  What does that mean?!?  MOLLY!!!
M: Well, I think that if he really wanted to, he would text.
E: We aren’t big texters.  I see nothing wrong with this.
M: I’m just saying if he wanted, he would say hi.

Well, fuck me.  I am so not used to this whole good date thing, that I thought maybe she was right.  Maybe he would text if he really wanted.  Maybe he doesn’t see how awesome I am, and he is giving up already because of the 9-day separation.

By midnight, I was laying in bed staring at the ceiling.  I was motherfucking the shit out of Loverboy.

8 in the morning, I got a text:
Hi babe!  The party last night was amazing, my mom was so surprised!  I can’t wait to see you next week, can’t wait to kiss you again!


Love, Esme


Another Success :)

18 Nov

So I saw Loverboy again last night.  He had asked me what my schedule looked like for the next week, and I told him I have my kids for the extended Thanksgiving break.  (They are off for the whole week!!  When did that start happening??)  So he invited me over to watch a movie.

I really hesitated.  Not that I didn’t want to see him, because I really did.  And I know myself…movie equals drinks, drinks equals a predatory Esme.  And since I am digging this guy, I didn’t want to jump into bed too soon.  Heeelllloooo…that’s what I have Medic for if the mood strikes.

Loverboy sensed my hesitation, and he promised he would be a gentleman.  I’m not quite sure I believed it, but it made me feel better to hear.

Since we weren’t going out, I dressed in a pair of yoga pants and a form-fitting top.  Had to add an element of sexiness.  I grabbed my copy of Bridesmaids (that’s right…starting off with the chick flicks) since we were talking about it the night before, and I was off for my two-minute drive.  During dinner the other night we discovered we were almost neighbors.

Loverboy lives in a very nice neighborhood, in a very nice house.  I was a little awestruck when I walked in.  I met Khloe the energetic dog who loved me and wouldn’t leave my side.  He handed me a beer, and we settled in to watch the movie.

I felt like a teenager.  He put his hand on my knee.  He held my hand.  We made out on the couch.  There was no inappropriate touching, no move to take my clothes off.  We talked about things we like to do, things we want to do.  We talked about our kids, our childhood, our hopes and dreams.  There was a lot of laughing, more kissing.

At the end of the night, he asked me to stay over.  Then he took it back, saying if I stayed over he would not behave himself.  I’m glad he took it back, because I would have said yes…and I’m not sure I wanted to say yes yet.

I was getting ready to leave, and he told me to please keep in touch with him the next nine days. I told him course. He joked that he wants to know how I bowl with a bum shoulder so he can work on besting me. I retorted that he has to work hard to best a score of zero.

He walked me to my car, and man was it cold outside. He wrapped in his arms, and whispered ‘I am so afraid you are going to find me boring’. I asked why. He says he feels like I have such an exciting life, that I will grow bored with sitting by the fire watching movies. Bored with going to dinner and a movie. That I will get bored with him.

I was a little taken back by this statement. I told him that I’ve had two kinds of excitement, the kind that comes with my job, and the kind I had married to my ex. When I leave work, I want to come home to calm. And that I crave calm in my personal life because I’ve never had it. I explained that a night like we had tonight was the kind of night I want to come home to for the rest of my life. Sure I want to go out every once in a while, but tonight was a little slice of heaven.

I’m not quite sure Loverboy believed me. He believes I live this completely glamorous lifestyle. But he gave me a kiss, and I reiterated that I had a great night.

I couldn’t sleep last night, thinking about Loverboy and the evening we shared. It was such a relaxing, calm, low-key evening, and I loved it. I loved that I felt no pressure or stress. I loved that I was able to forget about shit in my life and enjoy his company. I loved the absolute simpleness of it. Does that make any sense?

I shot him a text this morning telling him he passed his insomnia to me (he told me he didn’t sleep after our date. I said it was so nice of him to think of me all night. He said it was the reason why he didn’t sleep. Awww.) He responded with ‘great sex would have fixed that one. Lol.’

I have to admit it made me laugh. If he has sex the way he kisses, I’m in for a real treat.

I’m trying to not get too excited about the prospect of Loverboy. I think the next nine days will be very telling.

Much love,

I Know You Are Wondering…

16 Nov

I know you all are on the edge of your seat right now.  How was Esme’s date??  What crazy story does she have for us this time?

Well guess what…I don’t.

No crazy story.

I don’t mean I was stood up (for the fifth time).  I mean the date went really really well.

I was hesitant about this date, especially following the ‘Please show up’ text message.  I had myself convinced that the picture online was ten years old, and he now weighed 300 pounds with a World of Warcraft addiction.  For reals, yo.  I had myself in a tizzy.

When I walked into the restaurant, I saw him standing there.  I walked over, and out my mouth spewed:  Oh my, I am so glad you look like your picture!

Slick, Esme.

But he laughed, and we sat down.  Conversation flowed.  We ate.  We drank.  We told stories.  Time passed way to fast.

He had to go since he had to work in the morning.  He walked me to my car, and asked if he could see me again.  Then he kissed me.  Not a tongue-I’m-gonna-devour-you kiss, but a couple of very awesome kisses.  And man…can the boy kiss.

I really really hope I hear from this guy.  I am actually giddy 🙂

Much love, Esme

I’m A Tad Crafty…

16 Nov

Due to my total and complete boredom, I decided to try my hand at a craft.  I made flower barrettes/clips!  Since they came it decently cute, it’s what my younger cousins are getting from me for Christmas.







I may be a tad crafty.

And in other news, I have another date tomorrow.  This guy is the third guy who is interested in going out with me that I mentioned before.  Did that just make ANY sense? 🙂

And yes, I did have to have the money talk with him.  He wants to go to a pretty expensive seafood restaurant.  I told him that I am on an incredibly strict budget, and I simply can’t afford said restaurant.  He paused and said: Well, but I asked you out.  I’m paying.

Well shit, I just felt like a damn idiot. I tried to explain, in what I felt was an exercise in futility, that the last several dates I have had to pay for myself.  I held my breath, waiting for him to cancel.  He was properly taken back and reiterated that this was on him.  I feel like I just put a bad mark on this, but we will see.

Later this evening, though, he may have made us even.  He sent a text saying: Please show up tomorrow.

Guess he isn’t having great luck either…

Much love, Esme

Another Tick In The Douchero Column

12 Nov

So after the stood up fiasco (and by the way…I never heard from that guy again), I got asked out the next night.

I have been communicating with this Douche (D3) for a couple of weeks.  I met him online, he is kinda sorta in the same profession as me, and he seemed to have a good head on his shoulders.  So when he asked me out last-minute, I said OK.  Free drink, possibly good company, so why not.  I figured the worst that could happen was I would be stood up again.

I got dressed in jeans and a sweater.  I put on make-up, which takes forever with one arm.  I wound up putting on way too much eyeliner, but I liked it, so I left it as is.  (Tangent-do you find you wear more make-up when you are trying to hide or when you feel more guarded?  Because I do.  I’m not quite sure why.)  I dug some heels out of the closet, and I was off to my second date in two days.

D3 and I arrived at the same time.  Bonus point for him.  He dressed nice, another point for D3.  But it wasn’t a great date.  Conversation was difficult and strained, I wasn’t comfortable.  There was NO WAY this was going to go anywhere, but I figured we may be able to make a friendship out of it.

D3 ate a burger, and I had a beer.  A BEER,  Not two beers, not Dom Perignon, ONE BEER.  3.75.  That’s it.

When I finished my drink, D3 asked me if I wanted another.  I declined, and said I needed to go home to take some pain meds.  Who knew the shoulder would come in handy?  Our bill arrived, he looked at it, and said:

Your part is 4 dollars.

Uuummmm…excuse me??

Did he not ask me out?  Did he not eat a huge, expensive dinner?  And he has the nerve to ask me to pay four fucking dollars?

I had no cash, so I pulled out my debit card, and told the waitress to put my drink on my bill.  When she came back, I said I needed to go and left.  He took my abruptness as pain, and texted me later saying he hoped I was feeling better.

OK-What the fuck??  I don’t know how many times I have had to pay for myself since I have been dating.  Many MANY times would be the most accurate answer.  It’s not like we are 18…far from it.  These guys run the gamut from 28 to 38.  Were they not taught basic dating rules?

The lack of chivalry has left me completely speechless.  I can’t even type the words to make this post sound more eloquent.  It’s just fucking ridiculous.

I have one more guy who wants to go out with me.  And I just can’t afford it!  I think I am going to have to tell this guy that since I am on such a strict budget, we have to go to McDonald’s.  Or I will have to say I just can’t afford to go out on a date right now.  Christ…I never thought this would be an issue.  How fucking embarrassing.

Love, Esme

I Hate Dating Take 5000…

10 Nov

So with everything going on the last week and a half, I decided I needed to get out and focus on something else.  I can feel myself falling into a bit of a depression, and I need to crawl out of it.

There is this guy that has been trying to get me to go out with him for the last three months.  He is a persistent little fucker.  I finally gave in.  I figure it would get me out, and it was a free meal.  My cooking abilities have been greatly diminished with my bad shoulder.

I got to the restaurant and the agreed upon time, and got a table.  I never wait for someone to show…I feel like an idiot standing at the door.  I chose a table that faced the door.  I was able to see the entire room.  There was one door in, and one door out.  If anyone was going to enter, I would see them.  I feel like I am beating a dead horse, but there was no way anyone could get by me.  Now that has been settled, let’s continue.

5 minutes in…no Douche.  10 minutes in…no Douche.  I ordered myself  bowl of delicious Loaded Baked Potato Soup…still no Douche.  I eat my soup, paid, and left.  I was there for 35 minutes total.

As I was getting into my car, I got a text.  What time were you thinking?

Oh.  Hell.  No.

E: I was there at the agreed upon time of noon.  I have now left.
D: I was there.
E: No you weren’t.
D: I was.
E: I dislike liars.  I was there, I ate, I could see the whole room.  Not one guy walked in alone while I was there.  Not one.  Nice try.

I never heard back.

All I wanted was one hour of not focusing on all the shit that happened last week.  I wanted to talk, laugh, have a drink, and think about something else.  Apparently, not meant to be.

Now, this is the fourth time I have been stood up.  1-2-3-4.  FOUR.  I DO NOT understand the standing up thing.  And I sure as hell don’t understand lying about it.  And normally I don’t take this shit personally.  But I have had such a SHITTY week, that I couldn’t help but to take it personally.  Just.  Couldn’t.  Help.  It.  I actually cried.  To be honest, I don’t think getting stood up is what I was really crying over…I think it was my dad.  But getting stood up pushed me over the edge.

I have to admit that I had a few moments of self-doubt.  Maybe my ex was right, and I really am unlovable.  There must be something about me that men just don’t like.  I’m the common denominator here…what is wrong?

Then I snapped out of it.  These guys don’t know me, so how can they judge my character?  I think I just truly attract doucheros, and that is the only problem.  And as for being unlovable, I think I haven’t found anyone worth letting love me completely.  If I had, I would not have content for this blog.  So I am not worried.  Yet.

To try to bump up this day a little bit, I put in a call to Medic.  Unfortunately, he is working until pretty late.  If he isn’t too tired, he will hop on by.  I hope he does…I want to jump his ass as soon as he walks in my door.  I told him as much, too 🙂

Love, Esme

You Have GOT To be Kidding Me

31 Oct

So I’m in bed, at 1:06 this am, and my phone lights up.  I don’t recognize the number, so I send it to voice mail.  Guess who it is.  That’s right, Douche Dumpster.

He did wind up sending a text to me earlier today, apologizing for his actions.  I’m a bad drunk, my friend died, I understand you don’t want to talk to me anymore.

I never answered.  Damn right I’m not talking to him anymore.

So back to 1:06am.  Phone sings P!nk.  I ditch it.  Message left.

‘This is Staff Seargent Douche.  (which I believe is an enlisted position, but whatevs).  You should want to sleep with me.  So my friend dies, and I apologize, and you still won’t talk to me.  That makes you kind of a bitch.  How much do I have to apologize?  My friend DIED.  He’s dead.  And you won’t talk to me.’  Blah blah blah.

And wouldn’t you know it…while I typed that above paragraph, he called and left another message.  This one said that he will not be talking to me anymore, and he will talk to me later.  I’m guessing he is drunk…again…

Don’t get me wrong…it sucks his friend died.  But that does not give anyone a right to harass me.  His actions the last two nights are fucking ridiculous.

Guess who is going to the police department tomorrow morning.

Love, Esme