Tag Archives: Doctor

Where Are They Now?

22 Jan

My hellish work-week is finally coming to a close.  I had every intention of going out and getting my groove on tonight, but I am just fucking exhausted. And I don’t want to spend the energy it would take to do it. So I am spending the night with you hookers instead.  You’re welcome.

Carmen brought up doing a Where Are They Now post, which I think is such a great idea.  Now that I am much more removed from the craziness of some of these guys, even I am interested in seeing where this goes.  So let’s just dive in to the shallow end, shall we??

Ambulance Guy-We both were going through a divorce when we connected.  Never did I think it would be anything but sex, and it never was.  He has since reconciled with his wife (for the sake of the kids) and is still miserable.  Stupid shit…

Perfect-This was a whole sordid story…One which you can read about by clicking on his tag.  In short…we met, we dated.  We broke up because he went back to his ex-wife.  He left his ex-wife, and I was stupid enough to take him back.  We dated/fucked…and one day he called me a lying whore.  OVER.  I have no idea what he is doing now, and I just plain don’t give a fuck.

Mr. Hottie-I’ve written about him A LOT.  We had such a great relationship.  But not really a relationship, because I was not ready for a label.  I fucked that up…or so I thought.  He is since engaged, and has not been faithful to his fiancée.  Did we work for so long because we didn’t have a label?  Maybe…no stress…no worries.  Was I the one that got away?  Also maybe.  But he has a reputation for being a playboy, and I wasn’t willing to take that chance with my heart.  Plus…I run when feelings are mentioned…probably thanks to Perfect.  Ass-hat.  Every once in a while I get a text asking me for ‘a drink’, which was our ‘let’s fuck’ code.  And no hookers…I have not done it…goddamnit.

The Doctor-I was really liking this guy.  Truly.  But he got so fucking clingy.  When I was sick with meningitis, he got angry that I wasn’t calling him everyday.  Seriously???  DONE.  I don’t even communicate with him anymore.  I feel sorry for his next girlfriend.

Firefighter not worth mentioning-married with a kid.  Good for him.

New Guy-I don’t keep in touch with him.  Right after he dumped me for being a firefighter, he started dating his best girl friend.  He was a pussy…who doesn’t like a girl in uniform??  Especially one that can carry a dude up the stairs to the bedroom???

Sexy-He tried keeping in contact with me, but I just couldn’t.  It hurt too much.  Left for an ex-wife again.

Irish-man-I haven’t heard from him since I asked him if he was married.  So that tells me yes, indeed he was.  Dick.

Nice Guy-I would consider him my best guy friend.  I heart him.  I would do anything for him.  He hurts, I hurt.  He’s happy, I’m happy.  I am so glad he is in my life!

Ex-BF-Has issues with feelings, as do I.  Bad mix.  He freaked.  His loss.  He will always have problems with this.  I haven’t seen him since I wrote about him last.  Too bad people just can’t have sex…

The last guy I never gave a name to-Never heard from him again.  Both our losses…the sex was GREAT.  Why do men do that??

God, no fucking wonder I have committment issues!  Left for ex-wives, left because I am a firefighter…I really find some pussy-ass men…I just don’t want to get hurt anymore!  I bet I run away from the best guy ever…just watch…

Love, Esme


Right Back At Ya, Simmarah!

7 Jan

So that sassy dame, Simmarah, and I, decided to blog about the guys we have slept with.  Why?  Who the fuck knows…and cares.  All we know is it could be really interesting.  So here it is…the lucky guys on my list.  Oh, and apparently we rated!  Take that, fuckers.  Drumroll please!!!

1.  My ex-husband…the one who never gave me an orgasm. 0/10

2.  Ambulance Guy…Ahh, what memories.  Looking back, not all that great, but exactly what I needed to awaken the desires.  4/10

3.  Perfect…looking back, what a stupid fucking nickname for him.  But, at the time I thought he was fucking phenomenal.  Ummm…no.  Only good thing was he could go for hours. 5/10

4.  Mr. Hottie…to this DAY I still look back on Mr. Hottie and think he may be the best damn lay I have ever had.  Not because of mechanics or know-how, but because he was so damn into my body. And it just shined through.  10/10

5.  The Doctor…looking back, meh.  Just not much to say about it.  5/10

6.  Another firefighter not worth mentioning.  2/10

7.  New Guy…it was so vanilla, I almost forgot about it.  3/10

8.  Sexy…Awesome.  It was awesome.  Too bad his personality wasn’t.  9/10

9.  Irish-man…it was good, but I still maintain I think he is married.  Too bad…fucker.  7/10

10.  Nice Guy…so we finally did it, and it was well worth the wait.  Didn’t rate quite as high as one other, but damn it sure was close!  The man knows his way around a woman.  9.5/10

11.  Ex-BF…also excellent.  He was also a great fucking time.  Too bad he had to go and be a dick.  *sigh* Men and their drama.  9/10.

As a disclaimer…I wish my list were longer.  WHAT?!?! You heard me right.  I wish I was a bigger skank.  I was the good girl who didn’t sleep with anyone else until she met her husband.  I was even in a sorority in college!  I had every fucking opportunity!!  I wish I were a whore in college!!!!! But I was all for maintaining my good girl image.  Fuck that shit.  Once I was free to start seeing people again, I did.  With a vengeance.  And without much prejudice, apparently.  However, I am making up for lost time.  AND, I am still working on it, thankyouverymuch.

Anyone else want to join in on this?  Reminiscing can be such fun…I dare you…

Much love, Esme


The Holidays Brings Out The Douchebags

26 Nov

Since I am drunk, I am co-writing this post with my sorority sister Dagny, dear skanks.  We do practice the art of lingerie pillow fights on a regular basis.   Just ask her highly hot husband-who we allow to watch on occasison-when he is good.  However, I digress…

The holidays seem the bring out the douche-baggery on all men this time of year.  INDEED.  Case in point…

Mr. Hottie.  Remember him?  I know you do dear fuckers.  He was the best sex I HAVE EVER HAD.   HOWEVER…this does not mean I will not give up my morals.  Mr. Hottie found out I am in Old State this weekend.  I received a text message from him asking about getting together earlier next week.  Silly me…I responded lunch on Monday is good   The response?  “Lunch?  That is how you gonna do me?  After all we been thru?  Lunch?  I may have to work!!!!”  Ummmmmm…….I responded back “You are engaged, and I thought that meant you were going straight.   Lunch is all I will do.”  His response “I will have to see”.  DOUCHEBAG NUMBER 1.

And sad enough, dear hookers, that is not all…for this skank seems to attract a whole bunch of fuckers.  Yes, you read that right.  Fish…you remember Fish?  I thought we were done with him.  Apparently he can’t take a God-damned hint.  On Thanksgiving: “I am so thankful to have you in my life.  I want to be the one to make you smile.”  My response?  “Thx.”  Get a fucking grip dude.  I have already told you, when you asked me if I saw us dating, I said NO.  STOP TEXTING ME!!!  Douchebag number 2.

And the Doctor.  Ahhh…the Doctor…where does one begin when one talks about the FUCKING DOCTOR???  Leave me the fuck alone.  I have told him repeatedly to stop contacting me.  The day before Thanksgiving he asked once more if we were meeting on Sunday.  Hell-to-the-mutha-fucken-NO!  Once again I threatened police involvement if he contacted me anymore…we will see if it works.  Douchebag number 3.

Safety is the last stalker on my fucking list.   Jealous?  Don’t be.  I’m having a problem keeping them apart.  All of the sudden I heard from him them other day, After the whole “I got nothing” fiasco.  The text message (I FUCKING HATE TEXT MESSAGES) said “Send me a pic”.  I didn’t respond.  A while later another said “Please”.  Still no response from me.  A while after that I received a sad face.  About three hours later I sent a text that said “I’m sorry, but I do not send pictures of myself via text message.  Especially to guys that can not get off their ass to meet me in person.. Have a great night.”  I have not heard from him since, and  hope not to.  Douchebag number 4.

So, there is my douchebag list of 2010.  I really hope I do not add to it before the end of the year.  I realize that the holidays are a lonely fucking time, but if I manage to get myself through it without leaning against some fucking ass-hat I dated in high school or college or met off the internet.  Don’t lean on me.  Go douchebag on someone else!

And for all who care, I promise  Sexy post is coming soon… and it is FUCKING GREAT

Amore, Esme

Hello My Lovelies…

23 Nov

I am still MIA…I am in Old State visiting family and friends for the Thanksgiving holiday. Of course, in typical Esme fashion, drama has followed me…fucker…and I have stories to tell.
And more so in typical Esme fashion, the place I am staying has no Internet access. So I am currently typing this on my phone. So if there are errors and they bug you, put on your big girl panties and fucking deal…because I can’t even see half of the screen.
Quick update-Doctor is still contacting me…even AFTER I have told him nicely, and not-so-nicely to leave me the fuck alone. I have now had to threaten police involvement. This has gotten WAY out of hand. A few days ago I once again told him that under no circumstances will I be seeing him while I am here in Old State. Nor will I be continuing any kind of communication with him. His response? So…dinner on Sunday then? He just doesn’t get it…
The fish-I am still receiving text messages from him as well…telling me’ I am beautiful. Reminding memo enjoy my day. Blah blah blah. This guy just does not do it for me’ ni have told him as much, but once again a guy who just doesn’t listen…imagine that. I have been ignoring him as well.
Sexy-Aaahhhhhhhh….Sexy deserves his own post, with Internet access, when I can sit and focus because this shut is getting interesting. And I just may be fucking it all up. Not that I am surprised…
If I don’t talk to you prior to…have a great thanksgiving! Enjoy the time with your family and/or friends. Remember to give thanks to all the weirdness in your life, as it is what makes us truly uunique.
Love all my skanks, Esme

Why Must People Change?

24 Oct

So I think that whatever I may had going on with the Doctor may be fizzing out.  Lately he has become way to fucking needy!!

One of the things that attracted me to the Doctor in the first place was that he was his own person.  He had his own life, one that didn’t revolve around me.  He didn’t feel the need to talk to me every day.  He didn’t feel the need to e-mail or text me every day.  He did it when the need arose, just like I did.  A couple of times a week, the most.  And I loved it.  Especially after being married to some fuck-stick that kept tabs on me 24-hours a day.

The last two weeks have NOT been a walk in the park when it comes to this guy.  Of course, I did not tell him I was going to visit Nice Guy.  There is no need to spill that little secret, after all, I have no committment with either one of these guys.  Doctor did call me once, and I texted him and said I was on a girlfriends weekend.  I would call him when I was done with it.  Oh.  My.  God.  You think I would have told him I was in Vegas getting fucking married with the text messages I received afterwards.

Why don’t you love me anymore.  Why don’t we talk like we used to.  Why are you shutting me out.  How come you won’t talk to me anymore.  What’s going on?

Fucking seriously??  Since when did we become an item, for one, and when did he become so damn needy??

This is an instant turn-off for me.  I am even having a problem broaching this with him.  I don’t need this shit.  He knows my past, he knows what happened with the ex, and he knows I need my space.  So what the fuck has changed?

He has instant messaged me numerous times, and I have responded once.  I was pretty distant, which I am not uber-proud of, but it is how I deal.  He has tried calling a few times, and I let it go to voicemail.  The messages give me slightest of chills…’How many women do I love?  One.  And all I want to do is talk to the woman I love’.  Uuuummmmmmm….

Insecure men equal my NUMBER ONE biggest turn off.  So I think this, whatever it may have been, is fucking DONE.

Much love, Esme

This Could Get Interesting…

12 Oct

I’m not even sure who to address this letter to, so I will just write.

I have been recovering from being sick, spending a lot of time on my mom’s couch-and a lot of time at the doctor’s office.  As I have been feeling better, I have been trying to get my life back in order.  I have been getting back in contact with friends, old boyfriends, and boys I was supposed to date.  Here is a lowdown…

Irish-man has been in contact with me again.  He initiated contact this time, which really surprised me.  I think I may just see him again…but it may just all depend…

Doctor has thrown marriage on the table.  This didn’t surprise me, but the timing did.  Like I am thinking marriage?  And he wants a committment.  He is ‘willing to wait, no matter how long’, but he wants me to ‘be his girl’.  I’m sorry…I do have super strong feelings for him…probably love…but I am not about to give up viable dating years for someone 3200 miles away when I have no idea when or if I am going to move back to Old State.  Would I?  Possibly.  Will I?  Not sure.  An honest moment here…I can see Doctor and I working.  I really can.  I just don’t want that right now.  We still talk once a week, and he still tells me he will wait for me.  So only time will tell.

Now about Nice Guy…hmmm…where do I begin???  Nice Guy and I still communicate once a day.  More than once a day. Usually by phone, with conversations that last on average 3 hours.  If we don’t talk, we email 10-20 times a day.  Even if we talk we still e-mail. We had that great trip to Vegas.  We have deep conversations, lots of laughs, and a phenomenal friendship.  He has seen me through a horrible illness, fears of auto-immune diseases, and bouts of psychosis brought on by large amounts of narcotics (prescribed, of course!).  He has been, in all respects, the best friend I could have ever asked for.

Nice Guy has had one date, a highly unsuccessful one, since he has broken up with me.  I have a secret belief that, for him, I am the ‘one that got away’.  And-you will never read this here again-I believe that out of all the guys I have dated thus far he is THE ONE.  Got it?  Now forget it.  Because I also believe we will never be together.

If you remember, we never consummated our relationship.  As in we never had sex.  Not while we were dating.  Not while we were in Vegas drunk out of our minds while we both needed a great *ahem* time.  In fact, Nice Guy has not gotten dirty and done the deed in almost a year because he is a genuine NICE GUY.  He needs an emotional attachment to get down and dirty.  Quite the opposite of me, I would say…

So why am I telling you all of this?  Here is why.  Last week I had a particularly bad week.  He sent me an e-mail asking me if I wanted to come visit (remember he lives in a different state).  He wrote that he has well over 200,000 miles and would like to bring me up for a long weekend.  This Thursday to Tuesday.  Change of scenery, change of pace.  My response?  Hell yeah I would love to come for a visit!  Ever since he has made the plans, our conversations have been focused around my visit.  He has made plans at a really nice hotel at a really nice place in a really nice town for two nights.  He is taking me out to an expensive dinner.  Then today he told me he has really been missing the intimacy we have shared.  Remember, we’ve had no sex.  Nothing even remotely close.  Just kissing and a lot of cuddling.  I said I have missed that as well.  And I truly have.  With him more than anyone else.  I just feel so damn safe when I am in his arms.  When you are a victim of domestic violence, feeling safe is such an amazing feeling.  THEN he said: ‘You know how I have to feel really comfortable with someone before I have sex with them?’  I laughed, and asked him if he was finally going to give me what I want.  His response caught me off guard.  ‘I’m just not ruling anything out this weekend, as long as it is OK.  I really miss you.  I am so excited to see you.  I can’t wait two more damn days.  Get your ass on that damn plane!!’  I responded by telling him I can’t wait to see him, and I can’t wait to see what the weekend holds for us.

Since I found out I was going to see him, I have been as giddy as a school girl.  I have been afraid to let my excitement show, worried it wasn’t reciprocated.  Now I know it is.  I still don’t believe we will wind up together.  I still don’t believe we even belong together. But I know feelings are there for the both of us, whatever they may be.  I’m not worried about what may happen, or if anything may happen.  I am just going to enjoy the time I do have with him, as it is all there may be.

Love, Esme

Update On Yours Truly

3 Sep

Hello all in Blogland,

I have so much to write about, and so much to catch you guys up on.  I am still in my convalescence (always wanted to use that word) and for the most part can’t form a coherent thought, much less a paragraph that can make sense.  I try to write  little bit, but it doesn’t make much of an impression when I read it later on.

I am still feeling the effects of the meningitis.  I have been in and out of the hospital on quite a few occasions.  I have had some horrible mood swings.  Happy one minute, crying the next.  And this disease really couldn’t have come at a worse time.  I was supposed to start school this week, and have been unable to do so.  So, that hasn’t helped my mood swings much.  Brain swelling sucks.

Poor Nice Guy has been on the receiving end of my hysterical phone calls.  God bless him, he has handled it like a pro.  I really wish he lived closer…I truly miss him.  Doctor will send a text every once in a while asking how I am doing, but doesn’t seem to take much of an interest.  Not sure if that is fact or just my perception.  There is a new guy in the mix as well…let me see if I can get this across in a lucid manner!

Throughout all of my moves in the last 6 months, I have kept up my online dating profile.  I have made some friends off of it, and friends are never a bad thing.  About a week ago I received a message that said:

Hope you had a great day, Safety

I was a guest at the hospital that night, and wrote back:

I’ve had better, Esme

I have to say, I did not expect to hear back from Safety (so named due to his response when I asked what he did for a living).  But he surprised me.  He wrote back almost immediately.  After a few days of e-mailing, he offered up his phone number.  He assured me he wasn’t crazy, wasn’t a stalker, that he was a normal guy and wouldn’t texting (we could hold off on the phone calls until I was comfortable) be easier?  Since I am kinda heading back to my old-fashioned upbringing, I responded with my phone number.  I don’t make contact first.  I’m starting to take my Grandma’s words to heart.

5 minutes later my phone dings.  It’s Safety.  I actually got a little giddy.  When is the last time that happened?  Here is just a little bit of a background on Safety:

He is in his mid 30’s.  He used to be a firemedic, but now works in ‘safety’ (my guess is FBI, CIA-he can’t discuss his job/or he is a total bull-shitter).  He has an 11 year-old from a previous marriage.  He married his high school sweetheart, and was divorced 2 years later.  He hasn’t dated anyone seriously in 4 years.  He travels A LOT for his job, as in we won’t be able to meet face-to-face for 2 weeks.  He says he can choose not to travel, but has never met someone worth giving it up for.  He has sent me a couple of self-taken cell-phone pics, and if I had a type he would be it.  Dark hair, muscular with some meat on his bones, sexy smirk.  We will see what happens.  Like I said, we won’t be able to meet for a couple of weeks.  It could all fizzle out before then.

Well, my pain meds are kicking in, so I better sign off before I begin to ramble incoherently.   My docs say it could be two weeks to two months before I start to feel back to normal again.  I say normal is a relative term…but not having a headache every minute of the day would be nice…

Love, Esme