Tag Archives: dating

Esme vs. Daughter

25 Jul

As you may have guessed from the title, things got worse.

Loverboy and I finally had to agree to not talk about Daughter.  Why?  Well, read on.

He came home from work the other day.  I was at his house since I had both sets of children, so I figured I would make a nice home-cooked meal.  L walks in the door, sunny and happy, until he realizes Daughter is home.  Like someone flipped a switch, he became sullen, grumpy, and reserved.  Basically, a shit to be around.

During dinner, the two of them started getting into it.  I finished my meal, and shooed the other kids out of the dining room.  A few minutes later, L comes storming out, throws his plate in the sink, and follows Daughter down the stairs into her basement dwelling.

An hour passes.

L finally emerged, and is pulling the fake happy off with everyone.  I am sure everyone knows what that is-it is obnoxious, annoying, irritating, and any other negative -ing adjective you can think of.  I ask to speak with him upstairs, and I let some more of what is bothering me off of my chest.

I informed him that every time his daughter is around, his disposition changes dramatically.  My kids ask about it, his kids ask about it. He treats everyone different.  He won’t hug or kiss me when she is around (but will in front of his younger kids).  He barely talks to me when she is around.  He doesn’t smile.  Get the idea?  He is letting his 21-year-old run his emotions.

L then told me that he doesn’t know how to take what I have said, and that his attitude doesn’t change.  I reiterated it does indeed change.  He said it bothers him when I talk about Daughter.  He said he knows she has issues, he knows she is a loser, but he will never turn his back on her, and she will always have a place to live.  He said he doesn’t want me to bring it up again.

I looked at him for a minute, and said OK.  I was totally thrown by his last comment, because he always asks for advice.  I always tell him that she isn’t my daughter, so I can’t say.

Several days ago he brought up us moving in together.  I told him that until he and his daughter fix whatever they have going on, I won’t move in.  He seemed to accept it.  He knows I have become increasingly uncomfortable, and he told me then that she will always have a home with him.  So we all know I will never win this.  I don’t think I should even expect to.

Sorry, I know this post is kind of rambly.  I am just so torn and lost.

We have been talking about future stuff lately-never thought I would do that again!  Anyways-we have.  He wants a future with me.  He wants me to move in with him next year.  He wants me.  

So…stop me if I am wrong here…

I think at some point I should expect to be first.  I think for once he should focus on his happiness, and tell Daughter that if she can’t play ball, she can get her own fucking life instead of mooching off of him.  I am not saying to cut her out.  I am not saying to replace her.  I am simply saying that he should focus on Loverboy.

And, of course, I want to know that I mean enough to him that he stands up for me and/or fights for me.

He tells me often that I am so important to him.  And yet I now feel like limitations have been placed on our conversations.  On our relationship.  On our future.

To end the conversation, I told him that if he continues to let her call the shots, he is going to wind up a lonely old man, and it could be someday soon.

He reiterated how much I mean to him.  I shook my head, and walked out of the room.

I’m wondering if this can only end one way.

Love, Esme

 

Sooo…Apparently I Haven’t Posted…

12 Jul

In, like, FOREVER.  FFFOOORRR-EEEVVVVV-EEEERRRRRR (props to whomever can name the movie).

I have no account of anguish.  No sad saga of salty tears shed.  Not even a concerning chronicle of cat-fights.  (Hooray for alliteration!!)

Things have been…phenomenal.  Well, with Loverboy, at least.

Sure we have had little spats.  Who doesn’t?  But the important thing is we have been able to work through them without misunderstandings, miscommunications, and misfires.

Our only slight snag?

His daughter.

It seems she has been taking some anger and frustration she has with her father, and moving it toward me.  She makes very thinly veiled remarks when I am within ear shot.  She brings me up whenever they argue.  L has told her that what he and I do together is none of her concern, but it keeps happening.

I am at the point that when she is home (which is rare), I leave.  If I have my kids, we all leave.  I have gotten increasingly uncomfortable being in her presence.  I mentioned it to L, and he is aware of the situation, but he is at a loss at what to do.  He is still holding out hope that she will move out soon, that she will finally grow up and get a life, that etc. etc. etc.

It’s not going to happen.

This is a woman in her early twenties that is completely content at her part-time minimum-wage job because it covers her cigarettes, booze, and weed.  AND THAT’S IT.  I have never met someone who has literally no ambition.

NONE.

Big.  Fat.  Zero.

I have told him that I will never move in with him as long as she is living in his basement.  I refuse to battle daily with someone who has no respect for me, or for her dad.

I’m not sure where we go from here…

Love, Esme

Epic Battle #1-One For Our Record Books

7 Jun

Two or three days after Loverboy commenced the Silent Treatment-I lost count while I was insanely flashing back-I got a call from L.  It was during the day, so I knew he was at work.  Hmm…not much conversation can happen while one is working…

L: Esme, hey.

E: Hey?

L: What are you up to?

E: Nothing?

L: How have you been?

How have I been??  Are you fucking kidding me??

I unleashed.  I told him how much he has hurt me the last few days.  Explained the dark place he sent me to.  How incredibly barbaric it was of him to Silent Treatment me when he knows my past.  In turn, he told me how much he was looking forward to that night with me.  How for six months he has been talking about me non-stop to his family, and he was so excited to show them this ‘amazing woman who wanted to date’ him.

Loverboy gave me pause.  Was this argument all about that?  The fact that he just really wanted to introduce me to his family, to ‘show me off’, so to speak?  Not that that revelation excused his behavior toward me the following days, but I am friends with enough dudes to know that the introduction of someone you are in love with is a huge fucking deal.

L got choked up, and asked if I could just come over that night to talk.  I agreed, as this conversation would be way more productive in person.

After the Silent Treatment started, I had walked around my house gathering up all of his shit, including everything he had ever given me.  Sooo…it is safe to say I was fucking pissed.  I grabbed the pile off of my kitchen table, and took it with me.  Why?  I’m not sure.  To let him know I was pissed?

When I walked in the door, I plopped the pile on his kitchen table.  L just looked at me.

E: This is all your shit that was at my house, and I am tired of looking at it.

Loverboy was rendered speechless.  After a minute or two, he crossed the kitchen and took me into his arms.  After a few seconds, I hugged him back.  And we stood in silence for several long moments and just hugged.  We needed that, it calmed us down.

We were able to have a very calm, rational discussion following that hug.  He explained that he was so upset at the situation, he could feel himself taking it out on me, which he didn’t want to do.  So in his weird male-hormoned brain, not talking to me made more sense.  I explained why he can’t give me the Silent Treatment.  I gave him an alternative-please just tell me you are angry at me or at a situation, and you need to calm down before we can discuss it rationally.  He agreed to be more forthcoming about his feelings, and I accepted what he said at face value.  Can I promise to not revert when Silent Treatment is given again?  Nope.  But I did promise that if he ever gave me the Silent Treatment again, he would never have to bother calling me.  EVER again.

For a few days we had an uneasy alliance.  You know those first few days after a major blowout and everyone is walking on egg shells?  We did that.  And one day, it was just all better.

The scare seemed to change Loverboy.  He is a lot more open with his feelings, often telling me how lucky he is, how great I am, how he loves me, etc.  He is more touchy-feely in front of family (before he would barely hold my hand).  The changes have definitely been positive, and make me feel much more appreciated.

We will see how it goes.

On the This shit only happens to me front…

I met Loverboy’s new neighbors the other day.  Neighbor caught sight of my firefighter plates on my vehicle, and inquired to where I work.  I told him, and he asked me if I knew Ambulance Guy.

Are you fucking kidding me??  Ambulance Guys brother moved in next door to my boyfriend?!?

I can just see this going down…

Ex-fuck buddy?  Meet boyfriend.  Boyfriend, meet the guy I’d probably be fucking if I hadn’t met you.

*facepalm*

Love, Esme

This Just Seems Ridiculous…

10 May

No, Loverboy and I haven’t been in another fight…but I wonder if we are heading that way.

Loverboy has two brothers, one older, one younger. Both are married. The younger has his own life, friends, etc. the older seems to be relationally dependent on Loverboy.

I don’t think he has friends. I don’t think he likes to be alone with his wife and kid. I don’t think he knows how to be alone, period. PERIOD.

For the last three years that Loverboy ha been single, older brother has had him basically to himself. They spent a lot of time together, Loverboy has done most of the work on older brothers house, etc. It’s safe to say they were buddy-buddy.

Enter Esme. Now, Loverboy wants to spend time with her. Esme made sure that Loverboy still spent every Thursday with Brothers, as it is a standing date. But, of course as it is with any relationship, Esme and Loverboy spent a lot of time together.

Older brother has started making remarks. ‘Loverboy would do it, but he is too busy with Esme’. ‘We never see Loverboy because he is always with Esme’. ‘The amount of time you spend with Esme is ridiculous’. Of course, all of this is said within earshot of me. I can hear it all. The first time, funny. The second time, not as funny. Third through tenth time, older brother is clearly pissed off I’m taking his brother away and needs to let it be known.

Loverboy has stuck up for me, I will give credit where credit is due. But enough is becoming enough.

Tonight is Thursday, so L is with his brothers. I was out visiting friends. L texted me asking a question, I answered, and he replied. All of the sudden I got a text from older brother telling me to stop texting. I asked if I was interrupting his alone time, and he replied YES!!!! I texted L back, told him to apologize for me, and left them alone.

Not too long later, I got a text from older brother saying he was joking.

I didn’t reply.

I used to get accused by my ex-husbands family of taking him away from them. In reality, it was the other way around. I’m not dealing with that shit again. Nor am I going to fight L’s brother for L’s time. I REFUSE. I’m not necessarily fighting for it now, but I am tired of the remarks, the jabs, and the snide comments.

Am I being unfair? I don’t think I am, but you guys probably know better than I do. Loverboy admits that his brother is a ‘needy bitch’, and has told me to please ignore it. But it is becoming increasingly difficult.

I am supposed to go over to older brothers house on Saturday for a mothers day luncheon. I’m not sure I am going to go for several reasons. I don’t want to deal with this. I just don’t. Not to mention my ex-husband refuses to switch weekends so I won’t have my kids, and in sure I won’t be on the mood to deal with people in general. I’m already going to be a crabby bitch, maybe I should just stay away from situations that will piss me off.

Love, Esme

My Birthday

8 May

So yesterday was my birthday, and it passed without much fanfare.

Loverboy had me over last night.  Him and his boys made me dinner, gave me a cake, and gave me a present.  It was honestly very nice, and relaxing.  I haven’t had a birthday cake in four years, so I was incredibly touched by my little round cake with my name on it. I received a camera, which proves to me Loverboy listens when I talk (for the most part).  I mentioned several weeks ago that my camera crapped out, and haven’t mentioned it since.  He got me an adorable little red camera that fits in my purse, and I couldn’t be happier with it.  All-in-all, a successful night.

You know the saying ‘It isn’t official until it’s Facebook official’?  Loverboy brought up the fact that neither of us has changed our Facebook status.

E: I don’t really feel the need to.  I could give a fuck if Facebook world knows I’m dating.
L: Well, I don’t much care, either.  But I got asked about it the other day.
E: And?  Are you going to cave under the pressure?  (I smiled as I said this.  I felt like I should’ve had this conversation in junior high!)
L: I’m just saying, its been six months.  Maybe it’s time?
E: (I was full on laughing at this point.  Not mocking him, mind you.  But the look on his face was adorable.)  OK, just because you asked.  If you want to say something, I am OK with it.

And say something he did.  The amount of friends he has that commented was over-whelming.  It seems a great many of them have been waiting, and wanting, for him to meet someone ‘great’, ‘cute’, and ‘wonderful’.  Many I have yet to meet.  I’m amazed how many people he knows that wish for him to be nothing but happy.  It’s so nice to see.

Love, Esme

I Am Still Around

1 May

I have not been kidnapped by aliens. I have not won the lottery and ran away to Paris-I’d still blog about that shit! But I have been sidelined. sigh.

Once I started strength training at physical therapy, my shoulder became inflamed. Like back-on-pain-meds inflamed. Vomiting-where-I-stand inflamed. Capiche? Horri-fucking-ble inflamed Enough with dashes.

So I made an appointment with my surgeon, and I have once again been taken off all activity until further notice. I’ve already been sidelined since last July, and now this??? This just put back my recovery for at least another month. Where I was looking forward to working late July or early August, I now have no idea when I will be better. I’m guessing PT will probably have to start pretty much over. AAAAARRRRRRRGGGGGGHHHHHHHH.

So what do I mean when I say all activity? No PT. No computer (this post is taking me forever to write on my phone, by the way. This is how much I love you.) No running, hiking, long walks. No rearranging my furniture. No Loverboy pushing me into a wall with my hands pinned above my head. No zombie 5k run/obstacle course. No laser tag. No bowling. No billiards. No swimming. Really, this list is extremely long. But you get the gist. I’m basically back on surgeon-imposed house arrest.

Loverboy, being the awesome person he is, has done his best to lift me out of my funk. I cried when the surgeon told me I had to stop doing things. I stayed in my house for two days, not taking phone calls, not communicating via Facebook. I’m not one to get depressed. I don’t think there is any point and purpose to it. Life punches, roll with it, adapt and overcome. But damn if I didn’t spiral into helplessness. And anyone who has been there, which is everyone at one time or another, knows the littlest things can make it worse. Loverboy had to cancel plans one night-oh Lordy, he wants to break up with me! My mom called to tell me my birthday present will be late-I knew my mom doesn’t love me! You know how it goes…

But I feel 99% better. In short, I’m just pissed at the setback.

Loverboy and I are still doing really well. He has recently starting opening up about his marriage, the helplessness and fear he felt following his divorce. His problems putting faith in people, even me. Yesterday, he talked for an hour straight. I just listened. I asked no questions, and offered no advice. When he was finished, I thanked him for telling his story. He gave me a better insight to him and his thought process.

Then, after that convo, we had one about M. M, you ask? Why would you talk about him?? Why indeed?

Because once again, he resurfaced. Mother-to-the-fucker.

I haven’t heard from this duchero for five or so weeks. Since a while before I actually wrote about it. Then the other day, while I was watching a Maury about cheating douchebags ironically enough, my phone chirps:
M: Are you still with old boy?
E: Are you still getting married?
M: LOL. Come over.

Fucking excuse me??

What followed in the next four hours was text after text of I miss yous and I need to hold yous and please just come see mes. I ignored a majority of the texts, only reiterating every so often that I wasn’t coming over.

My phone rang, and I saw M’s name on the screen. I almost ignored it, but I answered. Not nicely.

He told me everything he had been texting. Come over, I just want to lay with you, no sex, I just need this right now, etc etc etc. I told him that I will definitely not come over. That he needs to leave me alone before I contact his fiancée. That I no longer will jump when he calls. That he no longer is the one I will drop everything for.

M: Esme, please. I actually really need to talk to you. I have things I want to say.
E: So talk.
M: In person.
E: Then I will meet you at The Bar in an hour. I will give you thirty minutes.
M: No, at my house.
E: Do you think I’m on drugs? No way in fuck am I meeting you somewhere private.
M: I said no sex.
E: I wouldn’t put it past you to rape me.
M: Please.
E: NO!!

I told him again to leave me alone. That’s when my heart stopped-I heard the unmistakable sound of a car starting. When I stopped talking, M asked me if I was home. I told him no (I was). He said he didn’t believe me, and he was on his way. I told him no, then hung up the phone.

I called Loverboy in a panic. I think he could actually feel the fear in my voice. He told me to calm down, and go to his house for a little bit. So I did.

About a half hour later I got what I am hoping to be the last text ever. Fine. Goodbye.

What the hell happened here? Since when does the guy who claims he never chases, become a stalker? Why can’t he leave me the fuck alone? We tried dating twice. And both times he fucked it up. His loss is not my problem. Damn, did I dodge one hell of a bullet. And I got something so much better in return.

Needless to say, this recent turn of events has caused Loverboy to tell me that he worries about me. Worries that I will get taken advantage of (in more ways than one). That really made me wonder about my choice in past men. Yeah…I didn’t always make the best choices…

Love, Esme.

I just realized…

31 Mar

I never updated you all! That kind of makes me a bitch…

When we got together with our respective kids on Sunday for the hockey game, Loverboy acted like ABSOLUTELY NOTHING HAPPENED. Does this drive me bat-shit crazy? Absolutely. Was I willing to rehash the argument? Oh heeeeeellllllllllllllll no. So I let it go as well. At one point I told him I missed him the last week, to which he  replied: Well, you were acting like a brat.

Yes I was. I gave him that.

Now I know something major. He needs a few days to calm down after an argument. Good to know.

Also, never say he reminds me of my ex.

Very good to know as well.

Love, Esme