Esme’s First Date Advice

Due to popular demand, and many pingbacks on twitter (thanks to all for that!), here is a permanent page for this post.  Enjoy!

OK skanks-I think it is fair enough to say that I have dated a lot. More than a lot.  Most I don’t even write about here, because it is pointless.  But after all of this time, I have this first date thing fucking down. I kind of wrote about it before over on the Bad Girl Bloggers.  Now I am going to break it down a little bit more.  Remember, this is all my opinion, and what I do!  You can write me and give me your opinion on what I have to say…I welcome stimulating debate.  But don’t write me and tell me I am fucking wrong, because then we will have fucking issues.  My blog, my time.  Lets rock.

1.  Arrive 5 minutes late-no more, no less.  There is a reason for this!  I despise being late, I really do.  I feel like people who are late are just a step or two above murderers.  True story.  However, far too often I arrive on time, and my date isn’t there yet.  And that fucker needs to be waiting for me, not the other way around.  We only get one chance to make an entrance.  When I walk into a building, I walk in like I own that shit.  Like I am working a runway.  And it is wasted if he is not there to see it.  On the flip side, if I get there 5 minutes late, and he isn’t there, STRIKE.  I will only wait another 5 to 10 minutes, then I walk.  To be honest…any guy who has shown up late has never made it to date number 2.

2.  First dates never last longer the an hour and a half.  EVER.  Even if I am having a great time.  I always have an excuse ready and handy.  My first dates are never dinner, it is always coffee or lunch.  Sometimes I will do drinks, but I also always have an excuse handy, like I am meeting a friend later, or I have an early morning so I can only stay out a short time.  Dinner can far to often lead to other things, so dinner is always out.  I choose the hour and a half because I feel it is a decent amount of time period to get to know a little bit about someone.  Enough to see if you click.  It’s also a relatively short time period in case you don’t click and you just need to get the fuck out of there.

3.  Let the man make first contact.  Old-fashioned, yes.  But this is something I maintain.  I want to know he is thinking of me.  I have broken this rule.  I know I am guilty of it, no need for all of my hookers out there to remind me of it.  But it is truly a good rule.  Let him make contact.  Then you don’t have to guess.

4.  This is shocking of people who know me…no comments from the peanut gallery…but I don’t talk much during the first date.  And I recommend it to all the other girls out there.  I talk very little about myself.  If I learned anything throughout this process, it is to be extremely guarded.  If I get questions about myself, I offer up enough information to satisfy the asker, but not enough to actually reveal anything.  The best thing about staying quiet, however, is they talk.  They reveal.  They spill secrets.  And you just learn oh so much.

5.   I truly don’t believe in time limits when it comes to second dates.  If you had a great time, and he asks you out for the next day, go for it.  A connection is a connection.  Enough of the fucking game playing I-have-to-wait-10-days-before-I-say-yes-again bullshit.  Great people won’t be available forever.

6.  I know there are supposed time limits for sleeping with people as well.  Fuck time limits.  I have waited, I have not waited.  I have followed my heart, and I have followed my hormones.  There has been no difference in phone calls the next day.  There has been no difference in respect.  In fact, I had more guys wanting to date me aftersleeping with me then guys wanting to continue dating me after we finally sleep together.  Tell me how that one works.  Anyways…I don’t advocate first date sex, but I am not against it either.  I have done it, it has been phenomenal-in fact it started an eight-month long fuck-buddy relationship.  It’s a personal choice!  It’s not right or wrong.

7.  If you know 20 minutes into the date that you aren’t interested, if he is a creeper, if something just isn’t right, or you just don’t click, don’t be afraid to end the date.  Finish your drink, pay for it if you are so inclined, and just say simply “Thanks for the drink/date/meeting/great fucking time loser, but I just don’t see this working out between us.”  Then get up and leave.  You owe no explanation.  You don’t have to answer phone calls or text messages.  For all intents and purposes, it is over and done with at that point.

8.  My last piece of advice-and if you ignore everything else…please please please take this to heart.  Never let someone whom you don’t know pick you up at your house.  EV-ER.  I let someone do that ONCE, and only ONCE.  And the fucker tried to date-rape me.  Barely even a hello.  Pushed his way into my house and attacked me.  Now I meet all my dates out and I don’t let them know where I live until I am incredibly comfortable.  And sometimes that never happens.  DON’T.  TRUST.  ANYONE.

That is my advice to all of you bitches out there.  Remember to look fabulous at all times and strut like you own the place and everyone in it.  Always leave them wanting more ;)

Much love to all my skanks, Esme

Added 4/29/2011

9.  Always make sure you have enough money to cover your portion of the date on hand.  It is sad that we have to do this, really, because even I am guilty of dating because I have no food in my pantry.  But I have been in a few situations where I would rather pay my share, then let the scumbag think that him paying for me means he gets to grope me.  Plus, it could be money for cab fare (if you ignored rule number 8) OR money for the strip club/casino if you have a truly awesome date!


5 Responses to “Esme’s First Date Advice”

  1. Getagirl March 4, 2011 at 1:33 pm #

    Thank you for the advice Esme! It’s really very helpful.

  2. princess blogster November 12, 2011 at 4:20 pm #

    love the first date advo. made me real fuckin angry to read no.8 but particularly like the frankness of the whole article.. if only all girls were so methodical about it. would love blog to blog chat – xxxxx

    • Esme November 16, 2011 at 3:48 pm #

      Thanks, Princess!
      The sad fact of the matter is, those rules I have exist for a reason. And they exist because I have had all of that happen to me. It makes me sick to think that this is how some boys are raised!

  3. lipstickandplaydates January 31, 2012 at 2:02 pm #

    Esme, you advice about when to sleep with someone is sooooooo true. I sleep with folks after 2-3 dates and others I waited and played the “game.” The results were always the same.

  4. fulltimegangsta April 3, 2012 at 6:57 pm #

    Loveee this!!

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