I Womaned Up…

14 Jul

Loverboy and I finally had the convo I have been dreading…the convo about his daughter.

I finally told him that I have become increasingly uncomfortable when she is home, and that is why I have left on several occasions.  I told him that I am tired of cleaning up after her-and I don’t even live there.  I told him that I have a problem with the comments, and the outright disrespect she shows in my presence.  I also told him that I will continue to make myself scarce when she is home, because I don’t want to be the cause of any of their problems.

L told me that he knows his daughter is a major loser (how sad is that when you say that about your own kid?  But it is true).  He said that he doesn’t think she has hostility toward me, but the situation of him dating after being single for so long.  He also said that she will always be welcome in his home-no matter what.

I expected that last line, and was prepared for it.  I would never expect someone to give up their child for a relationship.

L reiterated that he feels Daughter would be acting like this anyways-no matter who he dated.  He then told me that I am also always welcome in his home, and he will never ask me to leave just because Daughter is angry or upset.

So basically what I got from the conversation is this-absolutely nothing.

I don’t expect him to choose sides-I am sure I would lose.  I don’t expect him to kick her out, even though I really think she needs to learn a life lesson.  So what did I expect?  I am not sure.  A promise that he would talk to her about her behavior?  That would have been a start.

I often try to think about mine and L’s future…and I can’t get past next year.  I believe we will never be able to move forward until he gets the daughter situation handled.  Her behavior, her disrespect, her partying and drinking, her complete lack of direction, plans, and future.  

We won’t move in together if she is there-I don’t want that around me or my kids.  We won’t continue to have a good relationship if I am always concerned about how my presence affects their relationship.  L has asked me to please put differences aside and find a way to get along.  I don’t think we have differences, just one bad attitude I’ve attempted to get along with.

I just don’t know what to do from here.  I love him, so very much.  I love his other children.  I love US.  But how long can this continue?

Love, Esme

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9 Responses to “I Womaned Up…”

  1. My Dating Hangovers July 14, 2012 at 9:53 pm #

    “… please put differences aside and find a way to get along..”

    The biggest problem here is that while Loverboy understands he has a daughter one step away from Loser-Bootcamp, he seems to think you two just have personality differences at the same time. Tsk, tsk.

    I see nothing wrong with you addressing this with him, and I also understand how you expected nothing other than what you heard from him.

    Regardless of who he is dating, respect and manners are warranted and how your child behaves cannot be brushed off as them just not “being used to” a new woman.

    I don’t know what it is, but of all of the men I have dated, I always hated the ones whose children were girls. That whole daddy’s little girl/princess shit got really old and quickly with me. Man the hell up and lay down the law about respect.

    You’re a smart cookie for realizing that this isn’t something time will overcome, because that little girl has to want to get along and act right.

    Hopefully Loverboy takes this conversation had for what it is; a statement from the woman who loves him. A call to action to put the reigns on an unruly and un focused seed who may cause additional problems.

    If it isn’t one thing its another.

    • Esme July 14, 2012 at 10:27 pm #

      The wort part of ALL OF THIS is she is almost 22! Let your dad live his life…

      • My Dating Hangovers July 14, 2012 at 10:47 pm #

        Oh wow! I’m thinking we’re dealing with “I hate my life” teenage daughter. That’s even worse, because it sounds like he’s the enabler. Good grief.

        • Esme July 15, 2012 at 6:03 pm #

          Nope. Makes the situation a little worse, in my opinion. We talked about it one more time, with the same results.

  2. Nikki B July 16, 2012 at 9:01 am #

    Did you tell L *exactly* what you said here?

    And – I agree. At 22? He needs to lay down some law.

    • Esme July 16, 2012 at 12:07 pm #

      Yes, I did. I used the words ‘disrespect’, ‘uncomfortable’, and the like. I didn’t hold back when it came to my personal feelings on the matter. I used a lot of ‘I’ statements so I didn’t attack he daughter personally, or his raising of her.

      I talked to his sister-in-law, who always has one issue or another with Daughter (disrespect, the like), and she told me I’m going to have to learn to let it go. She pointed out that L was 15 when she was born, she was the first granddaughter, etc. SIL told me that Daughter was incredibly spoiled, given everything she ever wanted, and was never told ‘no’. So really, it’s no surprise she is the way she is.

      What I am thankful for, however, is the fact L has learned from his mistakes, and he is raising his two younger ones much different.

      So now I have to figure out how to ‘let it go’. And I’m not sure I will ever be able to. I have a feeling that five years down the road if we buy a house, it will have to have an extra room for his 26 year old. And that’s just ridiculous.

  3. S July 23, 2012 at 10:03 am #

    🙂 Glad to see you are still blogging!!! 😉 xoxo Simm

    • Esme July 25, 2012 at 6:33 pm #

      Yes, but are YOU?!? Miss hearing from you!!

      • Simm August 2, 2012 at 1:39 pm #

        I certainly will be, lol. I haven’t blogged in a LONG time, but I’ll be back in September!

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