Archive | May, 2012

Update On Loverboy

29 May

Well, he’s pissed.

I finally got a hold of him last night, and he yelled at me.

He was pissed I missed the wedding.

Never mind that my babysitter fell through two hours prior, and I could find no one else.

It is all my fault.

And now, I’m pissed.

I mean, REALLY??  He has kids of his own.  He knows how this works.  SHIT HAPPENS.

What am I supposed to do with his anger?

He has been giving me the silent treatment ever since.

My ex-husband used to give me the silent treatment before he would haul off and hit me.  Does Loverboy know this?  Yes he does.  I have told him on several occasions that he, under no circumstances, can give me the silent treatment.  I makes me flash back.  It makes me cower on the floor and rock back and forth.  It makes me insane.  Literally.

I feel like if a man has any love or respect for you what-so-ever, he will not do something to you that causes these reactions.  He would take into account what you have said, how you feel, and work accordingly.  Why do I think that?  Because I would do it for the man I love.

I made sure he always felt appreciated, always felt loved, and always felt like I would be faithful.

I am so tired of giving so much of myself, to not get it in return.

But the fact of the matter is…I just don’t know what to do.

Suggestions?

Love, Esme

Advertisements

Jumping To Conclusions

28 May

So I am all for waiting until you get all of the facts.  I am.  But something is going on, and I don’t fucking like it.

Recap:

Yesterday Loverboy and I had plans to go to a wedding.  Well, shit happens, my babysitter had to cancel, and I couldn’t find a replacement since it was so last minute.  When I called L he was upset-but at the situation, not at me.  He texted a few times throughout the evening, and then there was radio silence.

This morning we had plans to get our kids together.  I called and texted several times, and did not get a response.  I figured he had too much to drink, and took my boys out on my own.  Whatever.

I still haven’t heard anything.

I called once more, told him I was getting concerned about him.  Nothing.

I texted once more, reiterated my concern.  Nothing.

This morning I Facebooked his sister-in-law, who I have become friends with, asking how the wedding went.  My Facebook comment was erased.

I texted his brother, asking if Loverboy got home safe, as he bailed on our plans and I am concerned for his safety.  Nothing.

So what conclusion am I jumping to?  About one million of them.

Best case?  That fucker better just have lost his phone in the midst of his drinking.

Worst case?  I got cheated on.  The last time I was cheated on was a wedding I couldn’t attend.  So of course this is first and formost on my mind.

I don’t know any other way of contacting him, except to drive to his house.  But I have my kids, he has his, so that may not be an option depending on the circumstance.

Why is it I date??

Love, Esme

Sexual Fantasy?

18 May

L: Esme, did I ever tell you what my sexual fantasy is?
E: I don’t think so.
L: It’s to get so much sex that I start turning it down.
I have a quiet moment of reflection…
E: And how does it feel?
L: It sucks!! It makes me want to crrrryyyyyyyyy…

Apparently I really really like sex…

Love, Esme

This Just Seems Ridiculous…

10 May

No, Loverboy and I haven’t been in another fight…but I wonder if we are heading that way.

Loverboy has two brothers, one older, one younger. Both are married. The younger has his own life, friends, etc. the older seems to be relationally dependent on Loverboy.

I don’t think he has friends. I don’t think he likes to be alone with his wife and kid. I don’t think he knows how to be alone, period. PERIOD.

For the last three years that Loverboy ha been single, older brother has had him basically to himself. They spent a lot of time together, Loverboy has done most of the work on older brothers house, etc. It’s safe to say they were buddy-buddy.

Enter Esme. Now, Loverboy wants to spend time with her. Esme made sure that Loverboy still spent every Thursday with Brothers, as it is a standing date. But, of course as it is with any relationship, Esme and Loverboy spent a lot of time together.

Older brother has started making remarks. ‘Loverboy would do it, but he is too busy with Esme’. ‘We never see Loverboy because he is always with Esme’. ‘The amount of time you spend with Esme is ridiculous’. Of course, all of this is said within earshot of me. I can hear it all. The first time, funny. The second time, not as funny. Third through tenth time, older brother is clearly pissed off I’m taking his brother away and needs to let it be known.

Loverboy has stuck up for me, I will give credit where credit is due. But enough is becoming enough.

Tonight is Thursday, so L is with his brothers. I was out visiting friends. L texted me asking a question, I answered, and he replied. All of the sudden I got a text from older brother telling me to stop texting. I asked if I was interrupting his alone time, and he replied YES!!!! I texted L back, told him to apologize for me, and left them alone.

Not too long later, I got a text from older brother saying he was joking.

I didn’t reply.

I used to get accused by my ex-husbands family of taking him away from them. In reality, it was the other way around. I’m not dealing with that shit again. Nor am I going to fight L’s brother for L’s time. I REFUSE. I’m not necessarily fighting for it now, but I am tired of the remarks, the jabs, and the snide comments.

Am I being unfair? I don’t think I am, but you guys probably know better than I do. Loverboy admits that his brother is a ‘needy bitch’, and has told me to please ignore it. But it is becoming increasingly difficult.

I am supposed to go over to older brothers house on Saturday for a mothers day luncheon. I’m not sure I am going to go for several reasons. I don’t want to deal with this. I just don’t. Not to mention my ex-husband refuses to switch weekends so I won’t have my kids, and in sure I won’t be on the mood to deal with people in general. I’m already going to be a crabby bitch, maybe I should just stay away from situations that will piss me off.

Love, Esme

Bear With Me…

9 May

I’m making some much-needed changes to the look of the blog.  For all of those awesome people that have recently followed me, I will reciprocate!  Give me a few days…

Love, Esme

My Birthday

8 May

So yesterday was my birthday, and it passed without much fanfare.

Loverboy had me over last night.  Him and his boys made me dinner, gave me a cake, and gave me a present.  It was honestly very nice, and relaxing.  I haven’t had a birthday cake in four years, so I was incredibly touched by my little round cake with my name on it. I received a camera, which proves to me Loverboy listens when I talk (for the most part).  I mentioned several weeks ago that my camera crapped out, and haven’t mentioned it since.  He got me an adorable little red camera that fits in my purse, and I couldn’t be happier with it.  All-in-all, a successful night.

You know the saying ‘It isn’t official until it’s Facebook official’?  Loverboy brought up the fact that neither of us has changed our Facebook status.

E: I don’t really feel the need to.  I could give a fuck if Facebook world knows I’m dating.
L: Well, I don’t much care, either.  But I got asked about it the other day.
E: And?  Are you going to cave under the pressure?  (I smiled as I said this.  I felt like I should’ve had this conversation in junior high!)
L: I’m just saying, its been six months.  Maybe it’s time?
E: (I was full on laughing at this point.  Not mocking him, mind you.  But the look on his face was adorable.)  OK, just because you asked.  If you want to say something, I am OK with it.

And say something he did.  The amount of friends he has that commented was over-whelming.  It seems a great many of them have been waiting, and wanting, for him to meet someone ‘great’, ‘cute’, and ‘wonderful’.  Many I have yet to meet.  I’m amazed how many people he knows that wish for him to be nothing but happy.  It’s so nice to see.

Love, Esme

Umm…hmm…part deux.

5 May

Here is how this whole thing finished.

At midnight, I received a text from Loverboy asking if I was still up. I didnt answer. He asked if I was drunk, I didn’t answer. Ten minutes later he was at my door.

When I let him in, he immediately apologized. He said he didn’t remember we had plans, and he is sorry. He also said that his brother will watch his kids so we can go do something for my birthday. He apologized for being ‘short’ with me (hello, he was on his man-period). I listened to him talk, then I fell over the couch. He ran over and helped me off the floor, and then I proceeded to run into the wall. After that, he gathered up some clothes for me, and took me to his place where he could watch me. Did I mention I don’t drink that much??

Once we got to his house, I started playing Call of Duty. He kept saying it was time for bed, and I ignored him. Fuck him, I didn’t want to listen to him. I found myself being disagreeable just to show him. Show him what, you ask? I have no idea…but it made sense to my drunk self.

I finally let him tuck me into bed after two in the morning. He tried getting frisky with me, and apparently mid-moan I started snoring. And I slept like the dead.

This morning when we got up, I apologized for my behavior. I wasn’t one hundred percent sure what was said or done after i got to his house, and I wanted to preempt another fight. Loverboy said I had no need to apologize, but he did.

He told me how shitty his day was, and how this month is going to suck for him financially. He felt angry he forgot we had plans. He said he took his shitty day out on me, and he never should have done that. He then said again that he would still take me out for my birthday.

As I sit writing this, he is working on his yard, talking to me like absolutely nothing happened. I’m going with it…I don’t feel the need to rehash it at all. Based in his behavior after he came and got me, I’m guessing his brother had a few words to say to him. His family thinks I’m the best thing that has happened to him, and they are never afraid to let him know.

I will, however, play my cards a little closer to my chest. I will let him contact me, and I will never assume our plans are set in stone until they are confirmed.

Reading back through this post, I feel like it doesn’t make a lot of sense. I feel like the whole night didn’t make a lot of sense. Can anyone explain to me what the fuck happened with his behavior? I feel like Cal Naughton Jr….’To tell you the truth I’m a little confused by your tactics. I’m gonna keep acting tough until I figure it out.’

Love, Esme