Not A Great Start To The Year.

20 Jan

So far, it hasn’t been a great year…

I had court the beginning of the week, and it did not go well.  I’m not going to get into it, because the story is much too involved.  I know I will win this particular argument, but it is going to be a long, exhaustive battle.  And I am just so tired.  And because of recent developments, I had to cancel my trip to go see family and friends this week.  So not only am I tired, I am angry and bitter as well.  Bad place to be.

To make it all better, *sarcasm*, I called Loverboy while I was hysterical crying following court.  He started to pull away a little after that, and I can’t blame him.  I can’t.  My ex has run off a fair share of guys with his bull-shit.  I give Loverboy a lot of credit for sticking around as long as he has.  I finally headed over to his house the other day, and we had a heart-to-heart.  He is understandably worried about me, about the outcome, and about the trials and tribulations I will have to go through until it is all over.  He maintains that it isn’t me that is making him feel overwhelmed, but the situation I am in.  I offered to not discuss so much with him, now that I am sharing, and he said of course not.  Loverboy then admitted that he is having issues at work, and with his daughter, and it is all just compounding.

So we will see.  He is still around, and he is still letting me draw strength from him when I need it.  He is an amazing guy.

And I love him.

I just haven’t told him yet.  Too much going on.  I really hope he can fight with me through all of this.

Love, Esme

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10 Responses to “Not A Great Start To The Year.”

  1. j January 20, 2012 at 9:27 pm #

    *Hugs* Thinking of you and hoping it all works out.

    • Esme January 23, 2012 at 8:37 am #

      Thanks, J. The support is definitely needed!

  2. My Dating Hangovers January 20, 2012 at 11:15 pm #

    I’m not quite sure what to say – bash your ex wh continues to demonstrate why he has a special place just for him? Tell you Loverboy is just frustrated and things will be okay?

    How about this – try to find some peace and enjoyment this weekend and by all means, give Loverboy his space but don’t fall off with your contact.

    I hope the nightmare with the ex comes to a close for the best and very soon.

    • Esme January 23, 2012 at 8:36 am #

      I hope it comes to a close soon, too. Ugh to the tenth degree…

      Loverboy and I are better. He called me out on not talking to him, again. And he is right. I’ve shared that I am afraid to tell him too much for fear he will run away. He reiterated that my ex has no affect on us as a couple. I really hope this is true…but I still have fears. But I know I have to give him the opportunity to stay or bail. And I can’t hide Douchy McDoucherton’s douchyness forever.

  3. Nikki B January 21, 2012 at 5:27 pm #

    Oohhhhhhh man! I am SO sorry to hear what you’re going through! I can only imagine how exhausted you are… 😦 You are one strong woman, Esme. I wish there was some way I could help.

    As for Loverboy, you’ve been honest, you’ve done what you could. It sounds like you are both at the place where it is what it is. He shows up, or he doesn’t. I hope it’s the first one.

    XOXOXOXOXOXOX…

    • Esme January 23, 2012 at 8:31 am #

      Thanks, Nikki. Things are better between us. I’m having to learn to trust him, and to talk to him. I haven’t been open with everything that has happened, so when shit hit the fan, he was completely shocked.

      This dating thing is hard…

      • Nikki B January 23, 2012 at 11:33 pm #

        Don’t let it be something that makes things worse, it should be something that makes things better.

        If he was blindsided because you didn’t tell him, and he wants you to tell him, then tell him. Be honest about your fears and make sure he knows he can be honest with his.

  4. VanessaC January 23, 2012 at 8:06 am #

    Ran cross your blog. You seem to have a full life which I don’t envy but you appear by all accounts to be a very strong woman which I can respect and admire.

    May I suggest you give your “Loverboy” some space and let him come to you. You have a lot on your plate and apparently so does he. Pushing for closeness when he may be pulling away may not be such a good idea. Let him process how he feels. And if the passion and mutual interest that you share in genuine then this is just a stepping stone your relationship.

    • Esme January 23, 2012 at 8:28 am #

      Hi Vanessa, thanks for reading!

      I did give him some space, and he did come back. We had several long talks about what is going on in both of our lives. His biggest complaint is that I am not talking to him about what is going I with me, and he is right. I’ve been hiding things to protect him, and I need to stop doing that. He wants to be there for me, and I need to give him that chance 🙂 After all I’ve been through, I’m finding this dating thing incredibly difficult. But he is worth it.

  5. thoughtsappear January 23, 2012 at 9:04 am #

    I hope everything goes the way you want in court and quickly!

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