Comfortable Enough To Share? Yes!

20 Dec

I had a horrible night last night. Just horrible. I had another OP hearing today (it got continued again) and I was stressed about it. I found out my drug-addict-alcoholic-girl-beater brother got his brand-new girlfriend pregnant. And I found out my grandma had a stroke and isn’t expected to make it. So…not a good night.

Loverboy called me last night about 10:30 to see how I was and to say goodnight. He could hear in my voice that I was not ok. I deflected his questions, not really wanting to talk about it. I’ve told him enough about the craziness in my life, I was afraid to tell any more.

Loverboy talked me into coming over for an hour or two, and I was desperate enough to get out of the house that I made the two minute drive.

Once there I avoided talk about why I was having a shitty day. He finally grabbed me around the shoulders and pleaded with me. Please, Esme. Please just tell me what is wrong!

So I did. I did my best not to cry. I buried my head into his chest and poured out my story. He held me, ran his fingers through my hair, and listened without interruption. Afterwards, all he said was I wish I knew how to make it better. And I wish I knew what to say. If there is anything I can do, please let me know. I smiled and let him know he did it already. I just needed him to listen. And he did it.

And I felt much better.

We have plans to go out this Wednesday, and it turns out I will see him most of the week. I’m pretty excited about it. Ugh…I’m getting pretty gaggy…

As I was leaving Loverboy said to me: Just want to let you know that I canceled my online profile.

Okay, I said.

Oh! I canceled mine, too!

I think we just told each other we were committed in geek speak…

Love, Esme

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5 Responses to “Comfortable Enough To Share? Yes!”

  1. thoughtsappear December 21, 2011 at 7:36 am #

    I’m sorry about your grandmother and the other not-so-great stuff going on. But I’m glad Loverboy is there to help you out!

  2. Nikki B December 21, 2011 at 11:55 am #

    You are one strong woman, Esme. I know you’ve had some shit, and you are continuing to deal with it with grace. I wish for you to have it fall away in 2012.

    Of course, sometimes listening is just what you need. Just the moment when you can let go and you don’t have to be strong. And that can be huge. Yay for Loverboy!

    • Esme December 21, 2011 at 5:47 pm #

      It is huge! It was so nice to lean on someone else. I’m not great at giving up control, so it was big that I even allowed myself to do that. I’m not sure I can do it often, but it was nice to do it once 🙂

  3. j December 21, 2011 at 12:56 pm #

    Wow, I am sorry to hear all of this shitty news. I hope your grandmother is recovering. Loverboy seems amazing…you so deserve him.

    • Esme December 21, 2011 at 5:45 pm #

      Thanks, J 🙂

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