Some Things MAY Have Been Said.

8 Dec

So Loverboy and I went out for dinner last night.  He was pretty reserved, and I finally got the courage to ask him what was wrong.  I was 100% sure it was me, and I wanted to get it on the table.

It wasn’t.

It was about his daughter.

Apparently, she was in an abusive relationship.  As far as he is SURE of, she isn’t in it anymore.  But he thinks she is still seeing him without him knowing.

This guy had run her off the road in her car, and sent her to the hospital.  He had her drive drunk.  He was verbally abusive, and she was in tears constantly.  Loverboy did everything he could think of.  Calling the police.  Threatening this douche’s life.  Forbidding her to go out with him.  She told Loverboy she broke it off, but he isn’t so sure.

Ever since Loverboy threatened douche’s life, daughter has closed off communication with him.  And he is worried.  I couldn’t keep quiet anymore.

I told him that he needs to grab their relationship by the reins, stop being a friend and start being a dad.  I told him that women who have been abused are more likely to go back, or get into another abusive relationship unless they get help.  Daughter is beautiful, but she has self-esteem issues.  That is another factor in her going back to him.  I explained how they break you, how they convince you that no one else will want you.  I explained it all.  And he sat and listened.

I told Loverboy that he needs to sit down and have a very frank talk with her…a come to Jesus meeting if you will.  I told him to use me as an example if he would like.  He said he just doesn’t feel like she will listen, and was wondering if I could be a part of the conversation, share my story with her.

I really hesitated.  I have only met her for a grand total of two minutes.  I said she would listen to him more than me.  He is her daddy…I’m just the lady who is taking his time.  But I did concede to tell my story if she doesn’t listen to him.  She has also started drinking heavily and blacking out.  This girl is running and hiding from something.  And Loverboy needs to find out what.

Well, that conversationchanged into what is going on with my life.  Loverboy finally asked me if I had some deep dark secret I was not sharing.  I assured him I wasn’t, so I gave him a very minimal background of what I was up against.  A mother-in-law that told me I deserved to get hit.  An entire family denying the abuse.  So many lies to count.  All because I didn’t want to stay home with the kids.  All because I went to school to save lives.  All because I wasn’t from the mid-west.  And yes, those are actually the reasons why all of the abuse happened.  All absolute bull-shit.

Loverboy listened, with his hand on mine.  He said a few times that he didn’t understand the ex’s behavior, and I told him it was a good thing he didn’t.  That if he did understand, I wouldn’t be dating him.  I still didn’t explain the abuse.  Just the aftermath.  I then told him this:

E: You know, I am really hesitant to explain to you everything that has happened.  I am afraid you will leave, and I don’t want you to.  I don’t want the shit my ex is doing to determine this relationship.  The OP got filed after I met you.  I didn’t meet you while I was going through this.  I didn’t want to bring you into this.  I understand this is really heavy.  I understand if you don’t want to keep seeing me.  I understand.  I do.

L: I understand.  I understand you want to see your kids.  And I understand that you feel unsafe and that you needed to do what you did.  But I’m worried for you.

E: Don’t worry.  I’m OK, I am.  I take it as it comes and I keep myself safe.

L: But that doesn’t stop me from worrying.  And if he ever comes after you, I will break his kneecaps.

E: No…please don’t do that.  All you need to do is what you are already doing.  Thank you for listening.  It means a lot.  I know you have so many questions.  And if there is something you really want to know, you can ask.  I will be honest and truthful.  And you won’t like it.  But if you want to know, you can ask.

L: I need to think about that, Esme.

After that convo, we went to bed.  This morning, Loverboy gathered me into his arms and held onto me.  He asked me to please be careful today at my hearing.  He said he was worried about me, and he wishes I would let him go.  He told me to please call him after it was over.

I smiled into his chest, and reiterated that I would be OK.  I told him again that I was, and still am, really nervous to share because I don’t want him to leave.  He kissed my forehead, and told me that his mom will love me.  He also said my ex sounds like an idiot, and my ex’s family lost a great woman.  I really hope he means it.

This WAS NOT a conversation I wanted to have with him.  I don’t want this negative cloud over our heads.  I don’t want my ex to determine the status of this new relationship.  But it went better than I thought it would.  I think talking about his daughter first helped open the lines of communication.

When I told Loverboy about what happened in court today, he asked me if I was still coming over tonight.

I think I found a great guy.  I HOPE I found a great guy.  Time will tell.

Love, Esme

*My case got continued for another two weeks.  I am still protected*


4 Responses to “Some Things MAY Have Been Said.”

  1. My Dating Hangovers December 9, 2011 at 8:42 pm #

    I’m happy to hear that you two had this talk. This man courted you, likes doing simple things like movie night, pleases you physically and appears to be a kind and understanding potential parnter.

    Sounds like a success story to me, and although you were reluctant to open up, it ended up being okay in the end.

    He doesn’t sound like he’s going anywhere and instead, is prepare to be one hell of a support system, right there by your side.

    Nice to read about these types of happenings.

    • Esme December 10, 2011 at 7:39 pm #

      It was nice. I don’t like having this cloud over our relationship. He says we don’t, but I do. So therefore we do. I guests he could have said worse!

  2. j December 12, 2011 at 11:37 am #

    He sounds like a keeper to me. Very level headed and supportive.

    • Esme December 12, 2011 at 9:14 pm #

      I have to admit, I’m wondering when the other shoe is going to drop. He keeps telling me he is boring, and I will get frustrated with it. I’m quite enjoying his boring, though! Can a guy actually just be great??

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