Archive | November, 2011

A New Record?

29 Nov

Well ladies…tomorrow will be the sixth night I will spend with Loverboy.  1-2-3-4-5-6.  SIX.  I have never made it to six.  And I definitely have never waited six nights to sleep with someone.  I guess I am really digging this guy, huh?

He texted me today to remind me that we have a date tomorrow night.  As if I could forget.  We are going to see Harold and Kumar, and go to dinner.  And I have NOTHING to wear.  Figures.

But I do have a question for you girls.

Today I had to get an Order of Protection against my ex-husband.  He actually verbally assaulted me as we were leaving the courtroom this last week, and I feel like I was five seconds away from physical danger.  I found a bailiff, and got help.  And that lead me to today, and my new order.  So the question?  Bear with me…

Loverboy knows very little about my ex.  He knows he was not a nice person, but that is it.  And I don’t know how, or if, I should bring it up.  I still attend a domestic violence support group, and I put the question to them.  I got five different responses.  I feel like if I keep quiet, then something happens and he finds out that way, it’s like lying by omission.  But I am also afraid that if I say something, he will run away screaming, which I couldn’t blame.


Love, Esme


Won’t Back Down

28 Nov

I know…it’s been a week!  I am such a skank!

I have been listening to this song A LOT.  Especially while I have been in the midst of a custody battle:

That’s right, you fucking prick.

I’m not going anywhere.

Pull shit on me, and I will fight right back.  I backed down so many times over the course of my marriage.  NO MORE.  And my ex learned that one in court this week.

His lawyer withdrew because my ex is a supreme douche dumpster.  And he told the judge that, as well.  My ex came at me, and I counter acted every fucking argument.

So I am just going to say it.  Courtesy of Eminem.

Damn my dick’s big!!  (metaphorically, of course).

We still have a long battle, but damn if I am not winning skirmish after skirmish.  Without a lawyer.

I fucking rock.

That is all.

Oh…did you come to hear about Loverboy?  I guess I can give you a quick synopsis of what is going on…

We have seen each other several times over the last week and a half.  He came over for a movie after my kids went to bed a couple of times.  We went to the movies last night.  His kisses just make me melt.  I’m talking goosebumps over my body, shivers down my spine.  He knows just where to kiss on my neck to make me puddle.  Loverboy makes me feel like a teenager.  So far we have made out on my couch, his couch, his car, and a movie theater.  And nothing has gone over the PG mark.  He told me last night that he can’t wait to maul me.  I can’t wait, either…damn it will be good…now?  PLEASE??

Loverboy is very respectful of boundaries.  I think he has a better idea of what they are then I do.  It’s refreshing to meet someone who knows how to behave like a gentleman.  I still have no idea how to handle that.  He told me I was beautiful…then didn’t try to fuck me.  He holds my hand when we are walking.  He constantly thanks me for seeing him.  He hugs.  He kisses.  He whispers in my ear.  He kisses me on the cheek and forehead.  He plays with my hair.  It’s all so…nice.

And I have to admit that I am completely giddy.


Love, Esme

No More Convos with Molly…

23 Nov

This happened two days ago:

M: Hey Esme, it’s Molly!  How are things with Loverboy?  (Molly has had more boyfriends in one year then I have had dates in my life.  Normally she is ON when it comes to advice.)
E: Hi Molly!  I think they are going pretty well, considering we won’t see each other until next Sunday.
M: Did he text you today?
E: No.  He had a surprise party for his mom today.  I don’t expect to hear from him.
M: Oooohhh…really? Inhales sharply.
E: What?  What does that mean?!?  MOLLY!!!
M: Well, I think that if he really wanted to, he would text.
E: We aren’t big texters.  I see nothing wrong with this.
M: I’m just saying if he wanted, he would say hi.

Well, fuck me.  I am so not used to this whole good date thing, that I thought maybe she was right.  Maybe he would text if he really wanted.  Maybe he doesn’t see how awesome I am, and he is giving up already because of the 9-day separation.

By midnight, I was laying in bed staring at the ceiling.  I was motherfucking the shit out of Loverboy.

8 in the morning, I got a text:
Hi babe!  The party last night was amazing, my mom was so surprised!  I can’t wait to see you next week, can’t wait to kiss you again!


Love, Esme

Another Success :)

18 Nov

So I saw Loverboy again last night.  He had asked me what my schedule looked like for the next week, and I told him I have my kids for the extended Thanksgiving break.  (They are off for the whole week!!  When did that start happening??)  So he invited me over to watch a movie.

I really hesitated.  Not that I didn’t want to see him, because I really did.  And I know myself…movie equals drinks, drinks equals a predatory Esme.  And since I am digging this guy, I didn’t want to jump into bed too soon.  Heeelllloooo…that’s what I have Medic for if the mood strikes.

Loverboy sensed my hesitation, and he promised he would be a gentleman.  I’m not quite sure I believed it, but it made me feel better to hear.

Since we weren’t going out, I dressed in a pair of yoga pants and a form-fitting top.  Had to add an element of sexiness.  I grabbed my copy of Bridesmaids (that’s right…starting off with the chick flicks) since we were talking about it the night before, and I was off for my two-minute drive.  During dinner the other night we discovered we were almost neighbors.

Loverboy lives in a very nice neighborhood, in a very nice house.  I was a little awestruck when I walked in.  I met Khloe the energetic dog who loved me and wouldn’t leave my side.  He handed me a beer, and we settled in to watch the movie.

I felt like a teenager.  He put his hand on my knee.  He held my hand.  We made out on the couch.  There was no inappropriate touching, no move to take my clothes off.  We talked about things we like to do, things we want to do.  We talked about our kids, our childhood, our hopes and dreams.  There was a lot of laughing, more kissing.

At the end of the night, he asked me to stay over.  Then he took it back, saying if I stayed over he would not behave himself.  I’m glad he took it back, because I would have said yes…and I’m not sure I wanted to say yes yet.

I was getting ready to leave, and he told me to please keep in touch with him the next nine days. I told him course. He joked that he wants to know how I bowl with a bum shoulder so he can work on besting me. I retorted that he has to work hard to best a score of zero.

He walked me to my car, and man was it cold outside. He wrapped in his arms, and whispered ‘I am so afraid you are going to find me boring’. I asked why. He says he feels like I have such an exciting life, that I will grow bored with sitting by the fire watching movies. Bored with going to dinner and a movie. That I will get bored with him.

I was a little taken back by this statement. I told him that I’ve had two kinds of excitement, the kind that comes with my job, and the kind I had married to my ex. When I leave work, I want to come home to calm. And that I crave calm in my personal life because I’ve never had it. I explained that a night like we had tonight was the kind of night I want to come home to for the rest of my life. Sure I want to go out every once in a while, but tonight was a little slice of heaven.

I’m not quite sure Loverboy believed me. He believes I live this completely glamorous lifestyle. But he gave me a kiss, and I reiterated that I had a great night.

I couldn’t sleep last night, thinking about Loverboy and the evening we shared. It was such a relaxing, calm, low-key evening, and I loved it. I loved that I felt no pressure or stress. I loved that I was able to forget about shit in my life and enjoy his company. I loved the absolute simpleness of it. Does that make any sense?

I shot him a text this morning telling him he passed his insomnia to me (he told me he didn’t sleep after our date. I said it was so nice of him to think of me all night. He said it was the reason why he didn’t sleep. Awww.) He responded with ‘great sex would have fixed that one. Lol.’

I have to admit it made me laugh. If he has sex the way he kisses, I’m in for a real treat.

I’m trying to not get too excited about the prospect of Loverboy. I think the next nine days will be very telling.

Much love,

I Know You Are Wondering…

16 Nov

I know you all are on the edge of your seat right now.  How was Esme’s date??  What crazy story does she have for us this time?

Well guess what…I don’t.

No crazy story.

I don’t mean I was stood up (for the fifth time).  I mean the date went really really well.

I was hesitant about this date, especially following the ‘Please show up’ text message.  I had myself convinced that the picture online was ten years old, and he now weighed 300 pounds with a World of Warcraft addiction.  For reals, yo.  I had myself in a tizzy.

When I walked into the restaurant, I saw him standing there.  I walked over, and out my mouth spewed:  Oh my, I am so glad you look like your picture!

Slick, Esme.

But he laughed, and we sat down.  Conversation flowed.  We ate.  We drank.  We told stories.  Time passed way to fast.

He had to go since he had to work in the morning.  He walked me to my car, and asked if he could see me again.  Then he kissed me.  Not a tongue-I’m-gonna-devour-you kiss, but a couple of very awesome kisses.  And man…can the boy kiss.

I really really hope I hear from this guy.  I am actually giddy 🙂

Much love, Esme

I’m A Tad Crafty…

16 Nov

Due to my total and complete boredom, I decided to try my hand at a craft.  I made flower barrettes/clips!  Since they came it decently cute, it’s what my younger cousins are getting from me for Christmas.







I may be a tad crafty.

And in other news, I have another date tomorrow.  This guy is the third guy who is interested in going out with me that I mentioned before.  Did that just make ANY sense? 🙂

And yes, I did have to have the money talk with him.  He wants to go to a pretty expensive seafood restaurant.  I told him that I am on an incredibly strict budget, and I simply can’t afford said restaurant.  He paused and said: Well, but I asked you out.  I’m paying.

Well shit, I just felt like a damn idiot. I tried to explain, in what I felt was an exercise in futility, that the last several dates I have had to pay for myself.  I held my breath, waiting for him to cancel.  He was properly taken back and reiterated that this was on him.  I feel like I just put a bad mark on this, but we will see.

Later this evening, though, he may have made us even.  He sent a text saying: Please show up tomorrow.

Guess he isn’t having great luck either…

Much love, Esme

A Daily Struggle

14 Nov

There are days I really struggle with some things.  Lately this is the thought I was worried about:

I feel like I will be forever paying for the mistake I made marrying my ex.

Wow, that was kind of hard to type!

I don’t regret things in my life.  A lot of the bad things have wound up bringing me a lot of good.  For example?  I have two amazing boys.  I learned to stand up for myself (again).  I learned how to overcome oh so many obstacles.  I can now laugh at myself and at my world.  I don’t sacrifice who I am anymore.  I try hard to let go of the negativity in my life, whether they are people or things.

But I have also learned:

When someone asks about my marriage, or why I am divorced, they don’t like my truth.  Most run.  Most don’t like the fact that I am independent.  Most want you to need them, and I just don’t.  (Want vs. Need.  I don’t need, but I would like.)  Most don’t like that I am unwilling to change or concede certain things.

Because I found myself in such an extreme with the ex, I loathe to do anything that may remotely resemble anything that makes me feel like I am going back there again.  Sometimes I over-react, and sometimes I am spot-on.  I would rather over-react then go back to where I was.

But back to my original thought.  I do worry about that.  Did I have my one shot at happy-ever-after, and I just messed it up by choosing the wrong man?  Do women get second chances when it comes to love?  Is love and marriage a one-time deal?  Does a man exist who can deal with me, my quirks, and my past?

Did I just seriously fuck up my life by a decision I made at the age of 21?

I like to think not, but my experiences with men continually prove me wrong…

Love, Esme