So Much To Tell…

27 Jun

Oh my god it has been one hell of a roller coaster ride the last week or so.  Let’s deal with the What The Fuck moment of the week.

I have been so busy, that I have been neglecting friends, family, and everyone in between.  Especially you guys…and I tell you  everything.  So needless to say, I have also been neglecting Nice Guy.  As in I haven’t talked to him for a week.  Just ONE WEEK.  Not a month, not a year, but a week.  And here is the email I received from him the other day:

I appreciate and understand that you have not had it easy the past year and are still working your way though things.  However, a friendship takes two and I have felt that you have been scarce to non-existent for some time.  I understand that you live in a different time zone, work two jobs, are taking care of your kids, and are fighting your ex and his girlfriend. In a friendship I would hope that my wants get met, but at the very least my needs get met.  Maybe after you have had the time to get settled you will be able to resume a friendship with me.  Only time will tell.  In the meantime, I cannot continue with our friendship in this way.  Good luck in your endeavors and I hope you find happiness and it is your own…Nice Guy.

And yes, this is copied and pasted, only thing changed is the name at the end.

I have an inbox FULL of emails from friends, and every other one says ‘Just please let us know your alive’, ‘You didn’t to anything stupid enough to go to jail, did you?’, ‘Hang in there baby, things get better’.  And then I get the one above.

If you KNOW that I am going through all of that drama, and you KNOW I have all of this shit going on, don’t you think I may appreciate an email that is a little more positive?  Or how about ‘I’m always here for you, I know you are going through a lot, just call me when you have time’?  FUCK OFF DOUCHEBAG.  Last thing I need is your girlie-ass complaining about your ex-girlfriend from two years ago that you are still pining over because she is sooooo beautiful.  She left you, man the fuck up, and get on with your life.

In other news, Medic cancelled another lunch.  What the fuck ever.  We were drunk, you kissed me, big fucking deal.  Why is it that dudes have to make a federal case about everything?  He acts like it was the world’s biggest no-no.  I just don’t have the energy for it.

In better news…I went out with Fighter again.  And we had a really nice time.  It turned into a three and a half hour lunch, where we just learned a little more about each other.  And he asked me to go have a day with him this Thursday.  He wants to go do something ‘fun’, like bowling or miniature golfing.  I suggested laser tag, because nothing says ‘date’ like shooting someone in the ass.  We will see what he decides 🙂

On this better news note, I am having a bit of a panic attack.  I feel like date three is a committment.  As a committment-phobe, I am having issues with this.  Fighter has yet to ask why I got divorced.  I have yet to tell him about my marriage.  I have always said it isn’t anyone’s business, but I am now second guessing that opinion.  I’m thinking he needs to know.  I have yet to kiss him because I am interested in him.  He hugs me and I am the one who breaks away.  This is all quite the conundrum for me.  I can go to Mr. Hottie or AG, and have awesome sweaty sex.  I can go see Medic and drape myself all over him.  But give me someone I have an interest in dating and getting to know, and I am like a deer in headlights.  I think I am afraid of being back in a dark place, one I never want to go to again.  I’m afraid of being hurt, emotionally and physically.

I am aware I have hang-ups.  And the last thing I want to happen is me sabotaging something that could be GREAT.  That is why I am womaning up.  I am going on this date, and I am going to take it one day at a time.  And I think very soon I may have to have a talk with him.  I don’t want him thinking that he is the problem, when in fact it is me and my past.  Sigh.

Much love, Esme


5 Responses to “So Much To Tell…”

  1. MyDatingHangovers June 27, 2011 at 1:49 pm #

    Damn girl, when you’ve been gone a while you return with rain and thunder but I’m glad you’ve come up for air.

    I agree, that bitch move e-mail was doing waaaaaayyyyy too much. Really? He sent you a “let’s not be friends” e-mail because you’re um… Busy? Wow. Did you reply??

    Medic’s post smooch actions shouldn’t be too surprising. Guess his age is really explains his actions then again, have you been doing any creepy or clingy stuff to him you haven’t shared? Seriously, you kissed, he isn’t your superior at work afraid of a harassment claim so what’s the fricking problem?

    Lastly, relax.

    Look forward to your next outing. I like the sound of Fighter, he sounds like he is pacing things and trying to keep things interesting and adventurous. So stop thinking so much and prepare to have fun.

    Oh, and for the other uber sensitive friends..if they already know you’ve got a lot going on, they should understand if you’re mia. Hell, send the close ones a template group text once a week that says “Hey, I’m alive!! Chat soon”. 🙂

    • Esme June 27, 2011 at 2:07 pm #

      No, I didn’t reply. I won’t be nice, so why bother??

      No clingy or stalky moves on either of our ends. I blame it solely on his age. Our the fact he is a man.

      And I’m trying to relax!!

  2. j June 28, 2011 at 12:00 pm #

    Wow. I can’t believe that email from your friend. I would be pissed.

  3. Simmarah June 29, 2011 at 11:26 am #

    OMG, I have so much to say about this post.

    Firstly, fuck off and die “Nice Guy”. Apparently, he isn’t so nice and you don’t need someone like that who bails after the first signs of being busy or whatever. N-E-X-T!

    Secondly, Medic…yeah he’s so young and inexperienced. He’s probably scared shitless of a woman like you, so maybe he did you a favor.

    Thirdly, I FEEL THE SAME WAY about third dates. I feel as if you can get there, then something is going right and I get all panicky and worried … ahhhhhhhhhh. But good luck with Fighter, and keep fightin’ off the douches 😉

    • Esme June 29, 2011 at 2:03 pm #

      Seriously. That’s why I didn’t write him back. Douche fucking bag.

      Medic is…Medic. He write me yesterday and told me he misses me. Interesting…

      I’m really looking forward to my date tomorrow! I’m trying to ignore the fact it may be a commitment…

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