What The Hell Just Happened?

17 Jun

Let me try to explain this as I see it, as my truth.  That’s all you can do anyways, right?

Medic texted me last night while I was at work, asked me if I wanted to come over.  I hemmed and hawed for about 1.7 seconds.  Yep, I wanted to go.  I just really like hanging out with him!

I picked up some beer before I went over (I’m the most awesome female friend EVER).  I had two, he had three.  We played video games (which I haven’t done in a long time!) and watched a cheesy movie.  We both had to work in the morning, so we went to bed pretty early.  Do you see a pattern, just a little?  I stay even though I don’t need to, and of course he snuggles with me.  I laid on my side, and he plastered himself to me and held on tight.  I miss that so much!!

A while later, he was snoring and I rolled over.  I rested my head near his shoulder, and he wrapped his arm around me.  I immediately fell asleep.  I love hearing a heartbeat, and feeling someone breathe.  I find it comforting.

I’m not sure what really happened next.  Did I snuggle in more?  Nuzzle his neck trying to get comfortable?  Moan in my sleep?  Not sure I will ever know.  But I do know this…Medic kissed me.  I woke up to his lips on mine.  Gentle, tasting, teasing, tempting.  When I responded he rolled me over onto my back and continued.  He put his hand on my cheek (which holy shit is such a turn on for me) and kept up the gentleness.  When he stopped and gathered me back up in his arms, I was in shock.  Did that just happen?  Did I want it to happen?  Holy shit he is a great kisser.  Why did he do that?  Will he do it again?

We kissed a few times throughout the night, when either of us felt like it I suppose.  It never went any farther, and there was-amazingly-no wandering of the hands.  He didn’t try to cop a feel, and neither did I.  Maybe it was just for the enjoyment of kissing?  I don’t know.

Here is what made me feel like shit.  After I left this morning, he sent me a text that said:

Medic: I am really sorry if I did anything inappropriate last night.  I took a muscle relaxer before you came over, so I was really fucked up.
E: Nothing inappropriate.  No worries.
M: Did we kiss a little?
E: Yes
M: Aaahhhh!  I thought that was a dream.  Sorry.

This comment was the one that made me feel low.  He’s sorry?  For the kiss or for being drunk?  I didn’t ask, because I wasn’t sure I wanted to know the answer.  And what is with the Aaahhh??  Instead I responded with:

E: If I didn’t want it, I would have made you stop.  It’s all good.
M: OK.

I have no idea what to think about that exchange.  I just don’t.

Love, Esme

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6 Responses to “What The Hell Just Happened?”

  1. Traci June 17, 2011 at 12:55 pm #

    Hi Esme,

    I’ve been reading your blog for a while now, and I love it : )

    It sounds to me in this situation with Medic, like he might just be testing you to see how you react. Maybe he wants to take your relationship in that direction but he’s scared? Anyway, just my 2 cents. Keep up the great writing : )

    • Esme June 20, 2011 at 9:08 pm #

      Thanks for reading, Traci!
      I’m not sure what to think about it. He was stand offish for a few days, but our text messages have improved to what they once were. I haven’t seen him again…we will see…

  2. j June 17, 2011 at 1:51 pm #

    Weird. Ihave no idea what to make of that…you did exactly as I would, played it cool with him.

  3. Simmarah June 20, 2011 at 1:08 pm #

    WEIRD that he didn’t “remember” it?

    I agree with above, perhaps he’s testing you to see how you felt about it. I’m just as confused honey, just as confused …. hmmmm. I’m curious to see if when you see each other next, he’ll kiss you without any excuse.

  4. Nikki B June 22, 2011 at 1:39 pm #

    Hmmmmmm… I say the muscle relaxers didn’t hurt, but he did what he wanted, and then freaked himself out the next day – so yeah I agree with Simmarah that he was testing to see how you would react – but had an excuse ready if you weren’t ok! Pre-emptive apology in case you’re not! Aahhhh! I don’t want to be vulnerable!

    Here’s what I say. All that intimacy without getting intimate? WTF, girl? OK fine it’s nice and all… but… mmmmm… sex?

    I think you should decide how you feel (if you want to kiss more or not) and then talk to him about it. This isn’t the “hey you’re my BF now ok” talk this is the… “hey kissing was fun… can we do that some more but take things slow and see what happens?” talk. All the maybe-what-if-wtf stuff is laaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaame… amiright??

    • Esme June 23, 2011 at 10:22 am #

      We were supposed to go out for lunch today so I could broach that subject, and he had to reschedule. Sigh…

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