Archive | May, 2011

Maybe Something New?

31 May

A few days ago I received the following text message:

Esme, do you want to come out tonight with me and a friend?  It’s trivia night, and it will be a lot of fun!

Hmmm…a little background on this individual we will call Medic…Medic and I have known each other for a few years.  Four or five, I’d say.  He is younger than me.  Significantly younger.  About 7 years.  Medic doesn’t act younger than me.  All those years ago I would have placed him maybe two years younger.  But if I have learned anything in the last two years, it’s not to judge prematurely.  Sooooo when I received the text message, I responded.  And I love trivia…I’m just full of useless information…I couldn’t resist!

So I went to trivia night.  We won (bitches) and stayed to talk a while afterwards.  I told him he looks good.  Happy, Medic, you look happy.  He asked me if I wanted to join him for drinks tomorrow.  I smiled and said absolutely.

I met Medic out the next day at 4pm.  We drank.  Quite a lot.  We played darts and drank some more.  We went to go see a movie.  And you know what?  Absolutely nothing happened.  There was no brushing against my leg.  No reaching for my hand.  No trying to sneak a kiss.  He did lean…and anyone who has seen While You Were Sleeping knows what I am talking about..but nothing came of the lean.  When he dropped me back off at my car, he gave me a hug, and told me to call him the next day.  That was it.

How do I take this?  I’m a little weirded out by the fact that he didn’t try to make a move on me.  I can’t even tell if he is into me.  I guess time will tell.

Any thoughts??

Love, Esme


I’m Feeling Particularly Lame Right About Now

28 May

OK, OK-I understand that I have been missing for quite a while.  I am working two jobs…and I am sitting at a phenomenally boring one, so I have decided to update you all.  You are welcome.

AG is still in the picture, but we still have yet to meet.  How is this possible, you ask?  Well, I’d kind of like to know the answer to that myself.  We have had plans on two different days, and on those two days he has cancelled.  What the fuck.  I’ve known he is flaky.  And I fucking HATE flaky.  But besides being great in bed, he is also a friend.  And I have been really wanting to talk to him.

E: When you have some time, could you hit me up?  I’d really like to talk to you!  And no worries-this is not a ploy to get into your pants 😉

AG: What if I want it to be a ploy to get into my pants?

E: Then, my dear AG, you have to call when you say you are going to.

AG: Sorry, I got stuck at work.

E: If we were actually dating, you would owe me a diamond tennis bracelet.

He has been properly chastised.  I hope.  Because the thought of being together has me ready to slide off my chair.  What followed after the above exchange could only be described as XXX promises.  The sexual tension is palpable.  My body turns to jelly when I think about it.  I’m currently laying in a puddle, reaching one arm up to the desk to write this.  True story.  This shit better happen soon.  Or I will not be a happy camper.

I have been hearing from Mr. Hottie as well.  I have such mixed emotions when it comes to him, and that is what is keeping me away.  I can finally admit to myself that I fell for this guy.  I walked away from him because I knew I would never be any kind of priority in his life.  I’m not talking about the ‘on a pedestal’ priority-because that is the last thing I want or need-but I knew I would never be the only one.  I knew his friends would come before me, no matter what.  I knew he would give into sexual desires with other women, without a backwards glance to me.  I knew that work was always going to come first.  I knew I would have to fight for his attention.  I knew, that when push comes to shove, I would be the very last thing he thought about when the chips fall.  And that is why I never agreed to date him.

Our relationship, or what we made into a relationship, worked out very well for us.  There was zero committment on either of our parts.  We enjoyed each others company.  However, because we avoided ‘titles’ or ‘names’, we lasted a very long time.  It was perfect for him because he didn’t feel trapped, and perfect for me because I was still in my fuck men-I’m usin’ and abusin’ phase.

So what would happen now?  I have a few guesses.  And I don’t like the way any of them end.

Mr. Hottie is in a relationship he despises.  And he won’t get out of it.  Why?  Because this woman is so fucking clueless-and stupid-that he can carry on with his many (and I mean MANY) affairs.  He can do what he wants and get away with it.  He lives a life completely separate from hers, but he gets to go home to the doting faithful woman.  GAG.  But that is what his vision of a perfect family is.  And for whatever reason he doesn’t want to be alone.

My thought on Mr. Hottie?  He has never found anything with substance.  He has never found a woman worth fighting for, or one who has fought for him.  He has always been able to use women for what he wants, and toss them to the side.  He is OK doing this because women use him for his money, looks, and toys.  Because he has never met a real one.  I think I honestly gave him that first insight into what a strong, confident woman is.  I think it is part of the reason we went as long as we did (I didn’t give a shit about his toys or money-but I won’t deny that I loved his body).  I think that was the reason he came to me late one night and professed his love.  Do I think he loves me?  No.  Do I think he cares for me?  Yes.  And that is evidenced by the fact he continues to call.

My gal Sunday thinks I should go ahead and see him.  Go for it!  It’s not your problem if he is in a relationship.  He isn’t married.  You guys care for each other.  What is the worst that can happen?

The worst thing that can happen is me falling in love with him, and getting my heart ripped out of my chest.  Then I will have to cry over him while drinking a bottle of Riesling with Sunday, lamenting over the fact that I was a FUCKING RETARD to think we could make it work in any way shape or form.  And that just is not a good look for me.

Love, Esme


23 May
OK everyone…Let’s give a warm welcome to my girl Jadyn!
Hi all! This is Jadyn and as Esme alluded to I may pop in and write from time to time to make us bi-coastal. So I’ll just jump right into a story that I recently shared with her about a fantastic weekend trip to Vegas!

It was time to get away for some much needed R&R and where better to head out to then Vegas? A girlfriend and I who I go with every once in awhile decided it was a great way to spend Easter weekend, so we hopped in the car and drove to Vegas with nothing planned other than some gambling, bar hopping and laying out at the pool…

We got to Vegas immediately started drinking, grabbed some dinner and then I went to hit the tables. A few hours of gambling and flirting with all the guys at the table-some married, none of them my type. Finally, this guys walks up and takes the seat next to me. Man is he hot! Tall, shaved head… just the right amount of muscles… yummy. Well he sits down and his knee happens to rub up against mine so I leave mine right where it is 😉 We start talking and since we are both losing he suggests we go do something else… me! I’m like hell yeah! So I, of course, play it slow. Sure, I say.
We get up from the table and he says Do you have a room here? Yeah a suite (it’s how I roll…bitches…) He said Let’s go. I’m in! He’s said By the way I’m …. I didn’t quite hear his name. It was Kevin I think? It doesn’t really matter so Isaid I’m Jadyn and we head upstairs. We hold hands and make out in the elevator. We get to my room and start tearing each other’s clothes off… he stops for a second and says “I told you about my fee right?” I tell him HELL NO-get out (please…I’m too gorgeous to pay for sex!)… he says I’m kidding! So we keep getting naked.. man is he big… and have awesome sex for about an hour…
My friend calls just as we are finishing I tell her I ran up to the room for something, I’ll be right back down. Kevin-I-think and I got dressed and headed back downstairs. I didn’t see him again that trip… we’ll see if we run into each other again sometime.
Love, Jadyn

I’m Here!

21 May

I am not going to apologize for my absence, as that just is not me. But I WILL tell you that I made it to Old State, and I am working on moving in. And as my life is hardly ever boring, men are already knocking at my door.

Ambulance Guy already got a hold of me, telling me he is going to check his schedule and get back to me. That makes me all warm and tingly.

Mr. Hottie haas also been in contact, and this one I am torn on. I will have to write more on him soon…

Until then, try not to get raptured. We all know the bad girls have the most fun 😉

Love, Esme

How The Bday Month Is Coming Along

10 May

So I went shooting on Friday…and I am pretty good.  I didn’t start out good, though…

The first gun I shot was a .45 SigSauer 226.  Wow, does that thing have some kick!  Once I got used to the kick, once I got the stance, and once adrenalin stopped coursing through these arteries, I did pretty well.  I was able to group the shots where I wanted them, and I was comfortable with the weapon.  I then shot a 9mm SigSauer 220.  I was expecting a recoil, didn’t get much of one, and had to relearn how to regroup the shots.  (I shot all over that damn target…whoops…)  I did become comfortable with the weapon, and my mojo was back.

I switched back to the .45, and annihilated the target.  I rocked that shit!  Bulls-eye, bulls-eye, bulls-eye.  I once more shot the 9mm, and SEAL brought out a human-shaped target.  He placed it at 25 yards, and moved it forward 5 yards after two rounds.  I fired 50 rounds like this.  The result?  I only missed the target 3 times.  And out of the 47 left, 44 were kill shots.  So yeah…don’t fuck with me…

That evening I was supposed to meet super-hot SEAL for a self-defense lesson.  Sadly, this did not happen.  Shit.  And I can’t tell you why.  But he gave me some advice over the phone, and told me to find a program after I move.

I went out with Jake, Jadyn, and some other friends on Saturday night.  Oh man it was a good time!  Jadyn, poor thing, had to go kind of early.  Jake and I stayed and talked with some other friends at the bar, and then went out for food afterwards.  I’m going to miss that guy.  In the theros of my drunkeness, I laid my head on Jake’s shoulder and he played with my hair.  It was such a comforting moment, and I needed it.  The restaurant was conspiring against me.  It kept moving, fucking with my equilibrium.  Ass-hats.

Birthday month took a break while I was dealing with some legal matters.  But in the end I won, bitches, so it veered back on track.

The next few days are going to revolve around packing, and getting ready to leave.  Wednesday night is my last Girl’s Night Out.  Jake is going to join us, and Carmen, so should you!!!  Nothing like saying goodbye in my favorite dive bar.  I may cry a little…fuck…

Much love, Esme

Need To Release Aggression!!

3 May

I had a great Saturday night…Jadyn, Jake, and Kacie came over to kick off my birthday month.  Jadyn and I regaled Jake with stories from high school (Kacie was not yet there).  He truly realized that my friends and I were a bunch of goody two-shoes back then.  I tell people, but they never believe me.  Sigh.  When did I become so untrustworthy? *wink*

Sunday…not so good.  In fact it was down right fucking horrible.  I felt like I was a little out-of-control.  Monday, same thing.  But by Monday afternoon, things were a little better.  Today I kept low-key, and tomorrow Jake and I are going to go tear it up at a baseball game.  I am getting this birthday month back on track…bitches…

As I said above, Sunday was bad-understatement-Sunday was out of fucking control.  I have something going on in my life right now that shouldn’t be an issue…which is what makes it worse.  And the fallout from this event could, in fact, turn to violence.  None, absolutely NONE, of this is anything I started.  I am tired of being a fucking punching bag to a particular person.  I have decided to be pro-active instead of reactive.  And this particular person in fucking pissed.  Tough shit cock-bag.

Since this particular person has a history of being violent, I am being careful.  But still proactive.  So late Sunday night I pick up the phone and called my Navy SEAL friend.  SEAL, I said.  You know how we are going shooting on Friday?  Well…can we add a self-defense lesson as well?  He asked me what was up, and I gave him a quick rundown of the days events.  I told him that I did indeed have a fear of being attacked, and it has been two years since my last self-defense lesson.  On Monday SEAL called me with an update-We will hook you up, babe.  A couple of us will help you out.

As I write this, I hope that meant a self-defense lesson…

I am really looking forward to Friday.  I have a two-hour range time.  I am getting, what I am sure is tantamount to, a hand to hand combat lesson.  I am going to be physically exhausted, sore and bruised.  And I can’t wait.

Love, Esme