Archive | April, 2011

Check This Shit Out!

29 Apr

I can’t believe I forgot to add this in my last post…

I took a road trip with a few cousins yesterday.  Where did I go? Hmmm…one guess.

Mr. Hugh Heffner.

That’s right bitches, I went to the Playboy Mansion.  Don’t ask me how I got invited, because your imagination is probably way cooler then what actually happened.  I didn’t actually get to see Heff, but I did see a Playboy Bunny.  And I got pictures of me all over that damn property.  Grotto…Game Room…Heff’s star…doorway…front yard…awwww yeah…

Be jealous.

Love, Esme


I mean…seriously?

29 Apr

So last night BCM called me.  Out of the blue.  Left a message and everything.  Does he really think he is such a catch that he has to keep coming around?  This is the guy who 1-told me I was too cool a girl to ever be a girlfriend and 2-girls with tattoos are whores.  I’M the catch, I’M aware how awesome I am, too bad YOU didn’t figure it out until now.  Fuck off.

Next month, somewhere in May, is my birthday.  I will be a year better.  I think it will probably be the last year I can say I am in my early 30’s.  So I am having a birthday month.  Yes, you read that right.  MONTH.  Whoo-fucking-hoo!!

Next week I am going shooting.  I am so excited.  A friend of mine, who I met in my tac-med class, is taking me for my birthday.  He asked me what I wanted to shoot, I told him hand guns.  I already experienced the joy of automatic weapons…time to move forward.  AND…here is the best part…he is bringing with him an amazingly hot Navy Seal friend of his.  HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME!!!  I may be moving soon, but that does not mean I can’t appreciate one of God’s greatest gifts to woman-kind.  SIGH.

If I can figure out how to do it, I am going to add an administrator to the blog.  My girl Jadyn has regaled me with so many dating stories as of late, I told her she must post on Love, Esme.  So keep an eye out…you may be able to read about dating stories from two separate cities!  A dating of two cities?  A tale of two datings?  I really need to be more creative…

Much Love, Esme


26 Apr

What an interesting couple of days!

Easter, in my large Italian family, was awesome.  It was a big family affair, and I enjoyed every minute of it.  Especially playing with my seven month-old cousin.  She is absolutely adorable!  And I got to give her back when she cried and pooped.  My kinda baby.

That night, I suffered an anaphylactic episode.  Apparently I touched something I wasn’t supposed to, and I had a hard time breathing.  I spent time in the ED and was given all kinds of medicine.  I am still kind of groggy.  And my voice sounds like I work for a phone sex service.  Guys love it, I hate it.  I want my voice back!!

Due to the ED visit, I had to miss Jake’s first stand-up comedy routine ever.  I feel like a shitty friend.

Today I spent half of the day at a local courthouse getting a restraining order against my ex-douchbags girlfriend.  Bitch just doesn’t learn!!

And lastly: I am moving-AGAIN.  I have moved way too many times in the last year and a half.  But I am going back to where this blog started.  Which means fresh meat.  I liked the caliber of guys in Old State, and I am looking forward to getting back into the dating pool there.  I will be moving there within a certain time frame-two weeks to two months from now.  This will be interesting-and fun.

I will keep you posted.

Much love, Esme

Technology Today Is Not Always A Good Thing

20 Apr

I have been asked out by three different guys on the book of faces.  On three separate occasions.  When did this become a legitimate way to try to start a relationship?  I get that there is internet dating.  And I get that some people view this as another dating avenue.  HOWEVER…I carefully screen my Facebook, so my number is visible to my friends on my information page.  Number.  Right there.  All of them.  Don’t have to guess on even one.  I am just cool like that.

1.  This guy I went to the academy with.  When he found out I was single, I received a simple two sentence message.  Esme, single?  Want to go out?  I wrote back writing my digits in the message.  Now they were in two places.  Now I am even cooler.  I told him if he would like to ask me out he can do it with the spoken word, not written.  He did call me, and we did go out a few times.  Then one night I got a message, via Facebook, that said he was unhappy that people ‘found out about us’, so he was calling it off.  Asked out, and broken up with, by Facebook.  Sigh.

2.  This second guy I went to paramedic school with.  He found out I was single, and sent me a message about how we could have some fun together.  I sent a message to him that was almost identical to the one above.  He also called me, and we had a great conversation.  We made plans, and I thought all was good.  I wrote him a message on his wall of faces that said I was looking forward to our date.  Almost immediately I got a phone call.  Esme, are you fucking crazy??  My girlfriend can see that!!  Am I fucking crazy???  You are the incredible ASSHAT that asked me out when you have a goddamned girlfriend!!  Go fuck yourself!

3.  This one happened just last week.  One sentence in the message: Would you like to go out on a date?  My response: No.  I wasn’t interested, and I just don’t care to explain why this behavior bothers me so much anymore.

To all my male readers…please stop asking people out via Facebook.  I have even been asked out, and broken up with, via text message.  Also just not cool.  Just…no.

Love, Esme

This Week I Have:

17 Apr

-Been asked out via Facebook (three different guys now).

-Been contacted by BCM.  He wanted to talk.  NEGATIVE Ghostrider.

-Went wine tasting with a friend I met at my Tac-Med class and had a fabulous time.  I even got along with his wife really well.

-Asked by a friend if I want to lose my lesbian virginity.

The life of Esme…


7 Apr

The other day was my brother’s birthday. I didn’t call him, I didn’t message him. I don’t even talk to him.

My brother and I used to be extremely close. We were there for each other during our parents divorce. We leaned on each other. Then when he became a teenager, he turned to drugs instead.

My brother has OD’ed a number of times. There were months on end none of us know whether he was dead or alive. Then there were months he was clean, and he was great.

A few years ago he beat his girlfriend. He went to jail overnight, but no longer because she wouldn’t press charges. She took him back, and because abusers don’t change, he beat heer again. This time he did some jail time.

He got out of jail, and right away had a new girlfriend. Guess what happened? Yep…happened twice. More jail time, out again, and now has a new girlfriend.

I can’t bring myself to talk to him. Its never his fault, always everyone elses. He never learns. And it physically pains me to have an abusive brother. So I didn’t call, didn’t text, didn’t email. And I am quite alright with that.

Love, Esme

Jake Time…Yay!

4 Apr

Following the BCM debacle, Jake knew a night out was what I needed. A night out and some good laughs. A side note here…nothing boosts a woman’s self-esteem like have a gay dude friend. Nothing.

Anyways, Jake called me and told me to meet him at our favorite gay bar. I got there first, walked in, and was the only girl in the bar. I strutted my shit up to obviously gay, but highly attractive bartender, ordered my drink, and waited. Five minutes later Jake walkes in, dressed awesomely. He walked up to the same bartender, and gets bought a shot. Win. We catch up. He tells me I’m fabulous, that I am way too attractive to deal with bullshit, that any dude should kneel at my feet to date me. Fuck yes they should! I heart Jake.

Later that night a bunch of drag queens came in, and one took quite a shine to Jake. And the jewelry on this chick was AMAZING. Seriously, the bling was amazing. Being the great person he is, though, Jake told her he was with his friend, so thanks for stopping by. Awww…I never had a straight dude friend say that.

He bought me breakfast after we closed down the bar, and I finally crawled into bed at 3:30. And it was exactly what I needed. I knew BCM was a dick-munch, but it always feels better to have the affirmation. I’m getting so tired of assholes. It’s draining…

Love, Esme