Archive | March, 2011


29 Mar

I had to share this with you all. It goes to show how much of an inflated ego some men have.

BCM sent me some text messages yesterday. One of them, I just HAD to answer.

B: I’m sorry I had to break your heart.
E: No heartbreak here.
B: But I told you we can only be friends…nothing more.
E: Got it, thanks. No heartbreak.
B: I’m just in a bad place.
E: I know, your life sucks. All good over here. Thanks for playing.

Seriously? Who are you trying to convince here? Not me…I don’t look back on the asshats. I barely look back on the good. Have a superb life duchero.

Love, Esme


BCM-Exit Stage Left

27 Mar

Against my better judgement, I saw BCM today. And I never should have.

Never, since my ex-husband, has anyone made me feel so crappy and unwanted. He was very cold to me. Shying away from my touch, not looking at me, barely talking to me.

Hello fuckstick, you invited me here today. What the fuck is your deal??

He finally told me he is in a bad place, and he isn’t ready for a serious relationship. Ummm…did I ever fucking talk about wanting a serious relationship?? No, no I did not. I pointed this out to him, and he said we can be friends, but it will never be more then that. This was, of course, after he told me of my numerous faults, and after he told me about numerous sexual conquests. So I left. Fuck that, I don’t needed to hear about my faults, and the reason why I won’t ever find a boyfriend. Fuck you asshat. I’m fucking fabulous, and anyone would be lucky to have this.

Due to some circumstances and future plans, I will see him a few times the next month or two. He texted me and asked me if we were ok. I only answered with ‘honestly, you made me feel horrible and incredibly unwanted today’. He just wrote back that he was in a bad place.

I don’t know about you guys, but when I am going through a shitty time I like having my friends around. I don’t treat them like shit.

Much love, Esme

Oh, and just a nice little point here…he told me once we fooled around he lost interest in me. So he is one of THOSE guys. And he didn’t even get to experience the joy of sleeping with me. I have never been so happy to not sleep with someone…

BCM’s WTF Moment

24 Mar

OK, so we all have been watching/reading the BCM drama unfold.  What does he really mean, what is going on in his head, what the fuck does it all mean??

BCM called me this morning to complain about work…again.  Then he asked me to come spend Saturday night and all day Sunday with him.  Before I could answer, he threw this out:

About the committment thing…I’m not down with it.  I’m not willing to just sleep with one person only.  It’s just not OK.  But I would still like to see you.  And I would like to rock your world.  It makes me feel like a real man with the way you react to my touch.  But I understand if you don’t want to have sex.  I won’t be faithful if the opportunity arises.

Huh.  Is it just me, or does this guy seem to flip-flop on a regular fucking basis?  I deferred answering, saying it will depend how I feel.  He gets there will be no hanky-panky, as I will definitely not be up for it.  He tells me we can take it easy, rent some movies, and he will cook me food.  I have to say I would welcome the companionship, but I am wondering if this is smart.  I can’t figure him out.


Much love, Esme

***I never asked for a committment, but I did say that next time I sleep with someone, I hope he will be the only one I sleep with for a while.  Apparently that means I want to get married??  Can’t figure it out…

No AG Time :(

23 Mar

So we tried moving heaven and fucking hell to make it happen…no dice.  The day we were supposed to *ahem* fuck, the county was burning the fuck down.  Fire after fire after fire…poor AG got called in on his day off.  Which left my fire burning…and no one to wet it.  Sooo…I boarded a plane frustrated out of my goddammed mind.  SIGH.

Since I have been back, I have heard from BCM, which did surprise the hell out of me.  Work isn’t going well for him, and he just called to complain.  No mention was made of getting together.  No mention was made of going out.  Nada. I did go out on a limb, and texted him later.  I simply wrote ‘If it makes you feel better, I missed you a bit’.  I got back a smiley face.  SIGH.

In other news, I am scheduled for a cystectomy on Friday.  Yes, it has flared up again…with a painful vengeance.  I told the doctor enough is enough, and she agreed.  Maybe it’s a good thing I didn’t get to meet up with AG…probably would have been painful.  Fuck it.  I would have risked it.  SIGH fucking SIGH.

Love, Esme


19 Mar

I oh so very much want to met up with AG. And so far the fates have been against us. We are working hard to have an excellent sweat session…

In other business…I had to file a police report against my ex-douchebags new girlfriend. What would posess you to repeatedly text the ex-goddess and tell her she sucks and should disappear? Fucking idiot. You can have him, seriously. Enjoy the abuse…

Love, Esme

Coming Out Of The Woodwork

18 Mar

So Mr. Hottie its still texting. I think he wants me because I am not committing…yep, I can play games back!

A new twist has been added, however. Remember Ambulance Guy? I’m on my phone so I can’t link it. I don’t think there is a tag either…I will have to fix that shit when I get back. Anyways! I saw mr fine AG at a St. Pats party last night. We talked. And talked. And talked more…personally. And then he disappeared. This morning, about eight, I got a text message from him. It asked me if I was up for ‘getting freaky. Wink’. Ummm fuck yes. Oh HEEEEEELLLLL yes. We couldn’t make it work today. We are shooting for Monday since he works all weekend. I will let you all know!

Much Love, Esme

Mr. Hottie, Revisited?

17 Mar

So Mr. Hottie had been blowing up my cell phone while I an here. And I mean BLOWING UP. he wants to see me, and he wants too see me NOW. Still haven’t decided if this is a good idea..