Stolen From CB…

10 Jan

So I am a stealing bitch…but at least I am way classy enough to admit it!  Great questions from Her Majesty over at Cigarettes and Stilettos (GO READ IT).  And I have decided to also answer.  For the hell of it.  Why the fuck not…

1 – How old do you act?
For the most part?  Like a sexually-liberated woman in her early thirties who doesn’t take shit from anyone.

2 – Why is the sky blue?
Reflection of the suns rays off of dust in the atmosphere.  Or because it is better than orange.

3 – Do you burp, fart, or both in front of others?
Only at the firehouse.  They don’t count as ‘people’.

4 – Someone’s writing a book based on your life.  What would the title be?
Getting Your Moxie Back

5 – How many days in a row can you go without taking a dump?
Eeewwww…people actually talk about this shit before the age of 90??

6 – Favorite childhood cartoon?
Rainbow Brite. Is there any other? (Totally agree with CB on this one…I was even Rainbow Brite for Halloween!)

7 – Have you ever caught someone in the act of masturbating?
I have…I have the greatest knack of being in the wrong place at the wrong time!

8 – Favorite food to make/bake/cook/etc?
I LOVE to bake.  During the holidays I am in top form.

9 – What’s one redeeming quality about mushrooms?
Some have psychedelic properties.

10 – What’s wrong with Richard Simmons?
NO ONE is that happy all of the time.  Acid?  Crack??

11 – Name one celebrity who needs to come out of the closet.
Anyone on Jersey Shore.

12 – Name one redeeming quality about asparagus.
They would be better if they had psychedelic properties.

13 – If “We Are the Champions”, what are you?
I am Esme…Nuff said.

14 – What’s something they taught you in school that should never be taught to anyone?
Hmmm…so many to choose from…theater appreciation?  Music appreciation?  Any liberal arts class I had to take in college?  Take your fucking pick.

15 – What’s the deal with Steven Segal anyways?
Fucked up from all the ‘roids.  Happens.  Now has to make up for the little dick he probably has.

16 – Name two movies that should have never been made.
How about ONE?  Showgirls.  2 hours of my fucking life I can’t get back.  I watched the whole damn thing because it HAD to get better.  NEGATIVE.

17 – Do you enjoy to point, stare, and laugh at others?
Especially if it is OH SO deserved!

18 – Name one or more words that every time you hear them, make you cringe.
The N-word.  It just does.

19 – Have you ever put anything up your ass?
Exit only.

20 – What can you do better than most?
Just about everything.  It’s just no contest.

21 – Have you smoked pot?
Once.  I fucking hated it.

22 – Would you wrestle a member of the same sex, nude, in pudding for 10 minutes for one million dollars?
Multiple times!

23 – Happiest moment of your life?
The day my divorce papers were signed.

24 – Name in order, the body parts of the opposite sex you notice first.
1. Height

2. Chest


3. Arms

4. Tattoos

25 – What or where’s the furthest you’ve been away from home?
Germany.  Maybe Poland.  I don’t fucking know.  Depends where home is.

26 – Have you ever been to Africa?
No, but I want to!

27 – Can you currently do a split?
Ahahahahahahahaha!!!  No.

28 – What’s better – a knee-jerk reaction or a polish knee slap?

29 – Ever given anyone a dutch oven?
Christ, NO!

30 – What’s your favorite kind of apple?
Cut up and baked into Apple Crisp, thanks very much. (Another awesome answer)

31 – Favorite Muppet?
Uuuuh, Ms. Piggy!!! She’s fucking fabulous!  (Again, keeping this.  She mastered the sultry look!)

32 – Squash just doesn’t sound very tasty.  What say you?
Isn’t that a semi-sport?

33 – How many sexual partners have you had?
See last post…

34 – Favorite number?
54.  Brian Urlacher.  Oooh the shit I would do to that man…

35 – Favorite type of pet?
Pet?  Dogs.  Animal?  Partial to giraffes.

36 – Favorite sexual position?
Only the lucky 10 know.

37 – Least favorite sexual position?
There is just no such thing.  Is that even a phrase?  I just don’t…nope.  Not understanding the question.

38 – Is it better to give or receive?
Receive receive receive!!!!

39 – When’s the last time you vomited?
I HATE RALPHING.  I will do whatever it takes not to.  I have an endless supply of zofran.  No shit.  But Nice Guy recently admitted I ralphed the first time I met him, when he visited me in the hospital when I fell down the stairs.  He held my hair for me.  He didn’t tell me because he didn’t want to embarrass me.  Awww….

40 – Name one product you use that everyone ought to use.
deodorant.  No shit.  Wikipedia it if you have no idea what it is.

41 – What’s worse – having your period or spraining your ankle?
Little known fact of Esme…I don’t have periods (WHAT??)  Nope.  I am every mans wet-fucking-dream.  I am my own wet dream.  So I chose spraining my ankle.

42 – What sport can you play well?
Used to be soccer.  Then in college I started playing softball.  Now I run.  Sooo…I probably rock at it all.  Guys dig athletic girls (so I have been told…at least until you beat them…then not so much)

43 – What’s the funniest thing you’ve heard/seen/done in the past week?
Hmmm, the Mini Badass called the cat a dumb fucking bitch the other day.  (SHUT UP CB!!  Are you fucking serious???  I totally want to meet your daughter!!)

As for me, I always do something stupid/funny.  It is just what I do.  I was at a party the other night, and someone threw what we thought was an empty beer can at Jadyn and I.  She picked it up and threw it back, and it sprayed him ALL OVER.  It was fucking hilarious.  But it was one of those things that you had to see.  And we were wasted, so it was even funnier.  In hindsight, probably not funny at all…but it was at the time.  All I take from that night-I won at beer pong and I haven’t played in ten years.  Once again…I rock.

44 – Are you interested in being friends with someone on death row?
So I can be one of the stupid snatches that ends up marrying someone like Ted Bundy?  PASS.

45 – What’s 4+3*800/3?
If I flash a boob, will it matter?

46 – Who would make a better President – Sarah Palin or Cookie Monster?
I would actually be interested in seeing what Sarah Palin would do-and no I am not interested in arguing this point.  HOWEVER-I bet racism would be a moot point if a blue monster were in office…so he wins.

47 – Have you ever done a snow angel in the nude?
Umm…no.  For money, maybe.  But would not for shits and grins.

48 – Who’s your favorite Golden Girl?
Rose!  I love her!  She just lived in her little idyllic world, and every once in a while you would see her skank side come out…especially when she started dating Miles!

49 – Have you ever taken a dump out a window?
I’ve been DUMPED out of a window, but have never taken a dump out of a window.  Who came up with these?

50 – Favorite kind of ice cream?

Peanut Butter and Chocolate, but ONLY from Baskin Robbins.  I am salivating right now…


That was fun!  Apparently there may be more, if so I will do it!  If you decide to answer, link back so I can read your answers, too…I like learning new things about people!

Love much, Esme




One Response to “Stolen From CB…”

  1. CB January 11, 2011 at 6:03 am #

    Ian actually came up with all these 100000 questions! You know my ADHD as could never be patient enough to think of a trillion questions like this!!

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