This Just Won’t End Well…

13 Dec

OK, I have resisted writing about this, because I was sure this would be over already.  I figured I would be able to write the beginning, middle, and the end for all of you hookers out there.  But no such luck.  And I am not sure how I feel about it.  And that also concerns me…

OK…let’s just start somewhat at the beginning.  I am back living in the state where I lived when I was in high school.  And since I am back where I lived when I was in high school, I have ran into some people I knew in high school.  Some fuck-heads, some great people.  Just happens that way, I suppose.  Anyways, one of these people happened to be an ex-boyfriend.  Did I just hear a collective groan?  I thought so…

I dated Ex-BF for only 3 months, at the end of my junior year.  I broke up with him a month into the summer for reasons I can’t even remember.  I truly don’t remember.  I claim girl prerogative, and the fact we are allowed to change our minds every 15 seconds or whenever the winds change.  What I do remember is this guy was into me.  He really was.  He was probably into me more than I was into him at that point in time.  A sad fact, but I would wager a true statement.  However, he was such a great fucking guy. One of those honest-to-goodness nice guys.  He treated me like I was a princess.  He never raised his voice to me.  He did everything right.  He took me places, wasn’t afraid to be seen in public with me, wasn’t afraid to show affection, etc. etc. etc…basically everything I run from.  Did I paint a good enough picture?  Moving on…

So I have run into Ex-BF a few times because we have a mutual friend.  Rumor had it he had been wanting to see me.  When I did finally see him, he would make comments that would make me a little…on edge, maybe?  Like all he wanted to do was finally close the deal after…oh…15 years?  A little stalkerish, maybe?  As in he would find out where me and my friend were going and show up there later?  So I was never quite sure how to take him.  Looks-wise he looks…well…great. He really does.  He is taller than me, which all you girls know is as important as shit to me, he is fit, and he has blue eyes.  KRYPTONITE.  Yep…go by his looks and I am totally fucked.

Anyways!  Ex-BF had been hounding me to meet him for drinks.  We should go out, Esme, really.  We should totally go out.  You and me.  Drinks.  Someday, you and me.  Esme!  Drinks!  Me, you, Friday, Drinks?  Aaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!  DAMN DUDE!!  FINE!!!  But I will meet you at the bar, you will not drive me, and it will only be for a drink or two.  That’s it!!  (Why the hell did I just agree to this?)

The night of, we met at a restaurant/bar.  We. of course, went to the bar area.  I didn’t go all out on my looks, just a little bit.  No eye-popping cleavage, but I definitely rocked the bitch boots!  I didn’t know what to expect.  I didn’t know if this was a good idea.  I didn’t tell anyone about this ‘date’, because I wasn’t yet sure if it was a farce or not.  If I was a betting woman, I would have wagered this date would SUCK.

Lo and behold, it didn’t.  Not even remotely.  There were times it was uncomfortable, and at one point it was highly uncomfortable, and this was solely because he has a memory like a damn elephant.  He brought up shit that happened back in high school.  Asked me why I broke up with him.  Wasn’t really happy with the ‘I don’t remember’ answer, even though it’s the goddamned truth.  But here is what did surprise me.  After the uncomfortableness, if that is indeed a word, we had a really good time. Conversation flowed.  We laughed.  He complimented me.  He made me blush…awww.  I called an end to the date after an hour and a half.  That’s right bitches…I followed my rules.  Impressed?  You should be.  He walked me to my car (after he paid…what a guy) and thanked me for finally agreeing to meet him.  He then swiped my bangs to the side of my face and moved his hand around to the back of my neck.  I inhaled sharply, knowing what was coming-excited and nervous-wanting it but not sure if it was a good idea.

And it was a very good idea…a great kiss…the kind that left me with the promise of more to come…

Due to scheduling conflicts, and my inability to think anyone actually wants to take me out a second time, and the fact all I can think about is the Friends episode where Chandler’s ex-girlfriend went out with him again later in life just to humiliate him (remember the one with Julia Roberts?) we didn’t go out again for two or three weeks.  And when we did, I felt like I was living in a parallel universe.

When we finally met up again we went out to an actual dinner.  As in food, drinks, the whole 9 yards.  Here is where the parallel universe kicks in…because I just wrote about this shit with Sexy. He asked me what I was doing the rest of the night, because he had a party to go to.  WHAT??  A party?  No way…

He explained that it’s a holiday party, and I will have fun, and blah blah blah.  Since I had no plans for the rest of the night, I decided what the hell.  I went, and I had a really good time.  He was attentive.  He saw that my needs were met.  He introduced me to people.  We had a great time together.  We left the party pretty late, and instead of me driving home we decided that I would stay over.  Aaaaannnnnnddddddd no hookers…we did not ‘seal the deal’.  We had some fun, but we (I) did stop.  I truly felt like I was paralleling Sexy, and it was really freaking me out.  I’m not sure where this was headed, if it was even headed anywhere, but the last thing I wanted to hear was ‘I still have feelings for someone’.

The next morning I left while Ex-BF was getting ready to shower.  No good-bye really necessary that way…he was busy.  And it avoided any awkwardness that may have been there.  Well, I tried to do that at least.  He caught me as I was walking out the front door and pulled me back in, giving me a hug and a kiss.  He thanked me for staying over.  Not too awkward.  Sigh…

Due to more scheduling conflicts, I haven’t seen him since.  The next time we will be able to get together will be after Christmas.  We have text messaged a few times.  I think about him more than occasionally.  This in itself bothers me.  I am not down with a guy being in my thoughts…especially when I have no idea what his thought process is!

All I keep thinking about is the Friends revenge episode.  SERIOUSLY.  Do guys do this??  Why am I thinking about this?  Our schedules also BLOW…we just aren’t able to see each other that much.  So in reality, this is pretty freaking pointless.  And it is an ex-boyfriend.  Something is just not quite right here.  I’m thinking…this just can’t end well…

Much love, Esme

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6 Responses to “This Just Won’t End Well…”

  1. Simmarah December 14, 2010 at 7:34 am #

    WELL, I think he’s good to fill in your available time 🙂 Have fun, keep it light and simple. Usually I would say, he’s an ex for a reason, but highschool doesn’t count, heh.

    • Esme December 14, 2010 at 12:41 pm #

      He can fill in time when we can see each other! Simple is all it is, and I am definitely OK keeping it simple. I think it is much easier that way. I would also say he is an ex for a reason, but I can’t remember why! Isn’t that horrible??

  2. ifUseekAmy December 14, 2010 at 7:49 am #

    First of all, guys don’t do that Friends revenge thing… they aren’t THAT smart. And even if he has a long memory, it’s been 15 years, he’s over you breaking up with him.

    Secondly, it sucks this is all happening around the holidays, cause everyone’s time is limited and crazy. Hopefully, post New Year, your skeds will calm down and you’ll be able to see one another and actually see if this ‘rekindling’ thing is viable.

    Good luck!

    • Esme December 14, 2010 at 12:43 pm #

      Thanks Amy! This is the worst time of year to try anything, this is true! It’s all up in the air at this point, so we will have to see. I am not holding my breath, and I am not expecting anything! And I sincerely hope guys aren’t that smart…how humiliating…

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