Archive | December, 2010


31 Dec

Happy fucking New Year bitches!!!
Love, Esme


He Isn’t Crazy!

31 Dec

Sup bitches?  I am feeling particularly snarky today…be forewarned…

My date last night actually went really well, especially given the fact I met him online and I have no luck with this kind of thing.  He was a spicy Latin-American soccer player with a sexy accent I will refer to as Dude.  He was drafted to play pro way back when, but he would have had to move.  So he turned it down.  He still has managed to make soccer his career…good for him!

Dude and I met at a local restaurant for a drink.  Well, he drank, I ate.  I was fucking starving. I am not one of those shy women that will not eat in front of a guy.  Fuck that.  Hungry equals food.  I ate.  But to be fair, I had every intention of paying for my food.  That just isn’t cool.  He paid anyways.  What a great fucking guy…

We hit it off right away.  He was good-looking, he had a great smile, and a phenomenal personality to match.  Right away we started laughing.  I told him I always wanted to learn to salsa, he said let’s do it.  He said he wants to learn to be more outgoing, I said let’s do it.  You can tell that neither of us were quite sure if we felt a ‘spark’, and we both were very vocal about it.  But we were enjoying each others company, and that was good enough for us.

We (I) finished eating and went to a dueling piano bar.  Have you ever been to one of these?  Holy shit…if not, make the time and fucking GO.  It is so much fun!  We had a beer, we laughed at the players/singers, and had a good time.  There was no awkwardness, no pressure.  It was great.

We called it a night after we each had a beer.  As he walked me to my car, he spun me around and kissed me.  Quite the romantic move…I wish I could explain it better!  A good kisser…but we got confirmation…no spark.  Sexual chemistry?  Check.  Relationship spark?  Nope.  And to his credit, he voiced it right away.  Thank all that is fucking holy…I met someone who doesn’t do the game playing bullshit as well!!!!

Dude said that I was a great kisser, and he really enjoyed it.  He said he thinks we are going to make great friends, and that he is going to hold me to the salsa dancing lessons.  He then got a wicked gleam in his eyes and said he thinks we can also have a lot of fun in the bedroom.  And the way he said it in that sexy accent of his…I don’t doubt it’s true!

We will see what happens.  I am just happy he seemed normal. And I am optimistic that I had a great time…makes me think it may not be so bad this time around??  Who the fuck am I kidding…I got lucky. But whatever.  If anything, I just made a new friend…possibly one with benefits…

Much love, Esme


30 Dec

Alright bitches…I am heading out for date #1 for this go-around. Let’s just see how this shit goes…
And of course, I will update you later.
Much love, Esme

Rambling Thoughts On The Last Few Days…

29 Dec

I apologize in advance…this just may be a long, rambling post!  Fucking men…

I finally heard from Ex-BF.  And it was like nothing was said, nothing had transpired.  How fucking typical!  I just told him I never mentioned feelings, and if he had feelings for me he needed to figure that out.  He repeated there are no feelings, because he doesn’t do feelings.  I ended the convo at that point, because it was just fucking useless to go around and around.  I hope he finds whatever he is looking for.  I was all for a fuck buddy thing, and I told him as such.  If he gets his shit together, and he figures out what his deal is, maybe. But I can’t deal with this.  It gives me a damn headache…

So after this, I have realized that as much as I enjoy having the consistency of a fuck buddy, and being able to get up and leave afterwards, I think I miss having a relationship.  Bllllaaaaaaahhhhh!!!  Say it ain’t so!!  Yes, I am a fuck-tard…I miss the stability.  But not to worry hookers, I am not leaving…all that means is this bitch is about to start dating again…

We all know my track record with dating.  Fuck, that’s how this blog was created.  It’s not good…and it’s definitely not easy!  So what is a sassy girl with lots of moxie to do?  Fire back up the Internet dating site.  Let friends set me up again (although I swear on all that is FUCKING holy if any of those ass-hats tries to date-rape me again, he will never be able to procreate).  I turned it back on today, and already have several offers.  One of which looks promising.  I, of course, will blog all about it 😉

Ok, so now my next question.  I am in my early 30’s.  Let’s just go with that.  The other day I got hit on by someone who was 24.  Fucking 24!!  I couldn’t even be flattered because I was kind of disgusted.  I have dated younger guys…loyal readers will remember the few.  But what is an acceptable age range these days??  I am most curious.  You see everything!  Younger guys equal more stamina…so YAY!  But on the flip-side, I do NOT want to have to teach someone where the clit is.  Just sayin’.  However, even I have to admit that I prefer younger over much older.  I CAN NOT see someone who is more than 5 years older than me.  I am so fucking weird…which means this is going to be oh so interesting…

Much love, Esme


This Either Got Messy…Or Ended

26 Dec

First off, Merry belated Christmas to all of my girls out there!  I hope it indeed was a merry fucking Christmas, and you were surrounded by family and friends.  And I hope you made many wonderful memories.

Alright, back on track here hookers…if you remember, I mentioned that Ex-BF gave me three tickets to a hockey game, and also invited himself to go along.  We went.  It was fun/interesting.  Let me elaborate.

He drove, which was cool, and got us there in plenty of time to look around, which my kids loved. Before we sat down, we stood in line and got some grub.  I ordered basically a whole dinner for my kids, knowing full well it was going to be ass-expensive, and being perfectly content paying for it.  While I was handing said food to my children, he paid for the whole damn meal, and even bought us drinks.  I kept trying to give him money to cover my share, and he wouldn’t accept it.  I said thank you, but felt a little uncomfortable.  Not sure why, I just did.

Throughout the game, Ex-BF would leave and come back with food or drinks.  Very uncharacteristic for him, not usually so generous.  I always thanked him-told him he didn’t have to do it, etc.  He always said ‘I know’.  Now…I was baffled.

Why the hell is he being so nice???  No no no…none of this rule-changing again…no mind-fucking here!!!  Go back to the way it was!!!!  This is bad…

By the end of the game I think he realized what he was doing, and what vibes he was throwing off.  He became very quiet, didn’t talk much, didn’t even look at me much.  During the drive home I finally asked him if he was OK, if he felt awkward, why was he so quiet?  Was it my kids?

No, Esme, you’re kids are great, they really are.  I had a great time with them.  You just need to know that I really don’t do feelings…


Haven’t heard from him since, except for a ‘Merry Christmas’ text.  So apparently he needs time to think I guess?  Who fucking knows.  What the fuck ever.  What the fuck is up with men anyways?  Granted, I can be a really really big runner when feelings get involved, but I’m not even sure we have seen each other enough?  I will say, though, that the holidays are a really tough time to try and start anything, so if he comes around, great.  If not, better I know now then after I, myself, become attached.


Love, Esme

Serious Part 2

22 Dec

This is my serious day.  I am seeing all kinds of shit today that is making me not happy.

While my last post made me sad, very much so, especially as I keep learning more, this one just pisses me the FUCK OFF.

Head on over to Nikki to please read about this.  I haven’t been keeping up with the news lately, and I didn’t even know this was going on.

There is nothing funny about rape, about sexual assault.  You know what is even less so?  Olbermann and Moore…yes, that Moore…outing victims on the internet.  Oh wait…I guess they weren’t technically fucking ‘outed’, my bad…but malicious rumors were spread about victims of rape who were brave enough to come clean.  What the fuck is this world coming to?  Why the fuck is this OK?  What the fuck is going on here????

I myself am a victim of sexual assault.  Not once, but more then once.  Look around you, chances are someone sitting next to you is a victim of sexual assault, of rape, as well.  Don’t believe me?  Check the fucking stats. There are many women, such as myself, will never report it.  There are many women who will.  The ones who will DON’T DESERVE THE SHIT THAT IS GETTING DISHED OUT!!!!!

This shit is just pissing me the fuck off…I need to go center my chi…


Time To Be Serious

22 Dec

And I can do that, because it is my blog.

Some of you may have figured out that I used to live in the Midwest.  At some point in my life.  Which means I used to be a firefighter/paramedic in the Midwest.  For the past however many years, I have been signed up through to receive e-mail updates when firefighters/paramedics are seriously injured or killed in the line of duty.  Imagine my sadness when I read of the LOD deaths of two firefighters this morning in Chicago during a fire.  Several more have been injured.  As you read this, the information I have may not be current, as it is continually being updated.

It was never my dream to be a firefighter.  All I wanted to be was a paramedic.  And I was living my dream.  I worked in a gang-ridden neighborhood…surrounded by all of the gunshots, stabbings, drunk-driving accidents, and other traumas I could handle.  I was loving life.  But I also had an hour-and-a-half commute…one way.  One day I got a call from my ex-mother-in-law telling me my son didn’t come home from school…I was too far away.

My son was just fine, but I was badly shaken.  I found a department closer to home.  One of the requirements of said department was to become a firefighter.  I was not digging this…run into a fire??  Are you fucking crazy??? During the academy I broke out in cold sweats, I worried for my safety, I worried who would care for my children if I died in a fire.  The captains and the chiefs who taught the academy liked to show videos on ways to die.  I almost quit.  I almost walked out.  I almost let the fire academy beat me, and win.

But I finished.  And I not only finished, I kicked its ass.  I finished at the top of my class.  I did things I NEVER imagined I’d do.  Like jump head first out of a second story window.  Like run into a burning building.  Like run back into a burning building.  Walk on roofs.  Carry people down ladders.  Use a chain-saw (laugh…but I never used one before).  Kick my way through an outside wall.  Use an axe to break my way out of a house.  Drag people twice my size to safety.  I am one BAD-ASS BITCH.

The academy also gave me the one thing I also needed…a very healthy respect for fire.  Fire can turn on you at any time.  It is highly unpredictable.  What it is supposed to do, it probably won’t.  Unfortunately, this unpredictability can result in loss of lives of my fellow brothers.  And every time I read a new e-mail, I feel sad for that loss.  But today’s e-mail hit a little harder.

I may not be running into burning buildings anymore, however I still feel the loss.  I was injured in the line of duty.  I was very fortunate it was during a training session, and not during a live fire.  At least it was during controlled circumstances.  Very very lucky.

Please, stay safe in whatever you decide to do with your life, or wherever your life decides to lead you.  Have fun, be bad, but be safe.

Much love, Esme