I Love The Way You Lie

29 Oct


I love this song.  With every ounce of my being.  It is the most listened to song on my Ipod, its song number one on the CD in my SUV.  On the right day, it can make me cry. Or it can make me feel grateful I got out of a bad situation without the horrific ending.

I have heard many mixed reviews on ‘I Love The Way You Lie’ by other victims of domestic violence.  Most I have talked to despise this song.  I have heard some say they feel like this song glorifies, or romanticizes DV.  I have to say…I don’t hear that in this song AT ALL.  What I hear is the mixed emotions both sides feel during a fucked-up relationship, about the cycle of violence.

This song resonates with me because I could have very easily been a tragic ending.  It resonates even more because I have seen the tragic ending.  Many times, thanks to my line of work.  And thanks to my line of work, I felt like the worlds biggest hypocrite.

So often, shift after shift, I would be called to the same residences.  Time and time again.  Bloodied noses.  Black eyes.  Broken arms.  Women holding their children in their arms, their eyes darting around the room, not meeting my gaze.  I’m fine, I fell, he didn’t mean it, it only happens when he drinks, he loves me, he said it won’t happen again.  I would plead with them to come to the hospital, to press charges, to take the paperwork I was trying to hand them.  It never failed, the answer was always the same-NO.  I tried giving the ‘you could die’ speech, it never worked.  These women would never come with me, would never get help.  And far too often, I eventually answered calls where they were unconscious-or dead.

And then what would happen?  I would go home, shit would happen, and I wouldn’t use the resources I was begging my patients to use.  Why?  I DON’T KNOW.  I can’t explain it.  I was a hypocrite.  I would go to work and try to save the world, and I couldn’t even save myself.

I often wondered if the guys at work ever knew anything.  And I wondered why I never told.  I think, when they saw my ex and I together, they knew something wasn’t right, but I don’t think they suspected abuse.  And why would they?  Why would you ever expect someone in my position of being abused?  I had so many resources at my disposal.  Bad-ass firemen, who I am sure would have been more than willing to show some solidarity.  Cops with guns who had some major anger-management problems.  Emergency room doctors I was on a first name basis with.  Other hospital personnel.  But I didn’t.  I couldn’t, until I was ready to.

So yes, I am a big fan of this song.  I became a bigger fan of Megan Fox (because not only is she a bad girl personified) when I found out she donated every penny she made from this video to a domestic violence shelter.  This song, and video, should serve as a reminder that far too often domestic violence turns deadly.  And while some people view violence as a ‘normal’ part of a relationship-it isn’t.  Not in any WAY, SHAPE, OR FORM.  It isn’t sexy, it isn’t romantic, and it isn’t love.  Breaking a cycle of violence is hard, but necessary.  If you can’t do it yourself, please get help.

Much love, Esme

Just gonna stand there
And watch me burn
But that’s alright
Because I like
The way it hurts
Just gonna stand there
And hear me cry
But that’s alright
Because I love
The way you lie
I love the way you lie
I love the way you lie

I can’t tell you what it really is
I can only tell you what it feels like
And right now there’s a steel knife
In my windpipe
I can’t breathe
But I still fight
While I can fight
As long as the wrong feels right
It’s like I’m in flight
High of a love
Drunk from the hate
It’s like I’m huffing paint
And I love it the more that I suffer
I suffocate
And right before im about to drown
She resuscitates me
She fucking hates me
And I love it
Where you going
I’m leaving you
No you ain’t
Come back
We’re running right back
Here we go again
It’s so insane
Cause when it’s going good
It’s going great
I’m Superman
With the wind in his bag
She’s Lois Lane
But when it’s bad
It’s awful
I feel so ashamed
I snap
Who’s that dude
I don’t even know his name
I laid hands on her
I’ll never stoop so low again
I guess I don’t know my own strength

Just gonna stand there
And watch me burn
But that’s alright
Because I like
The way it hurts
Just gonna stand there
And hear me cry
But that’s alright
Because I love
The way you lie
I love the way you lie
I love the way you lie

You ever love somebody so much
You can barely breathe
When you’re with them
You meet
And neither one of you
Even know what hit ’em
Got that warm fuzzy feeling
Yeah them chills
Used to get ’em
Now you’re getting fucking sick
Of looking at ’em
You swore you’ve never hit ’em
Never do nothing to hurt ’em
Now you’re in each other’s face
Spewing venom
And these words
When you spit ’em
You push
Pull each other’s hair
Scratch, claw, bit ’em
Throw ’em down
Pin ’em
So lost in the moments
When you’re in ’em
It’s the rage that took over
It controls you both
So they say it’s best
To go your separate ways
Guess that they don’t know ya
Cause today
That was yesterday
Yesterday is over
It’s a different day
Sound like broken records
Playin’ over
But you promised her
Next time you’ll show restraint
You don’t get another chance
Life is no Nintendo game
But you lied again
Now you get to watch her leave
Out the window
Guess that’s why they call it window pane

Just gonna stand there
And watch me burn
But that’s alright
Because I like
The way it hurts
Just gonna stand there
And hear me cry
But that’s alright
Because I love
The way you lie
I love the way you lie
I love the way you lie

Now I know we said things
Did things
That we didn’t mean
And we fall back
Into the same patterns
Same routine
But your temper’s just as bad
As mine is
You’re the same as me
But when it comes to love
You’re just as blinded
Baby please come back
It wasn’t you
Baby it was me
Maybe our relationship
Isn’t as crazy as it seems
Maybe that’s what happens
When a tornado meets a volcano
All I know is
I love you too much
To walk away though
Come inside
Pick up your bags off the sidewalk
Don’t you hear sincerity
In my voice when I talk
Told you this is my fault
Look me in the eyeball
Next time I’m pissed
I’ll aim my fist
At the dry wall
Next time
There will be no next time
I apologize
Even though I know it’s lies
I’m tired of the games
I just want her back
I know I’m a liar
If she ever tries to fucking leave again
I’mma tie her to the bed
And set the house on fire

Just gonna stand there
And watch me burn
But that’s alright
Because I like
The way it hurts
Just gonna stand there
And hear me cry
But that’s alright
Because I love
The way you lie
I love the way you lie
I love the way you lie


9 Responses to “I Love The Way You Lie”

  1. lyndasay lohan October 30, 2010 at 7:51 am #

    Some thing said here are very untrue but i get the point

    • Esme October 30, 2010 at 11:38 am #

      I am not sure what you would consider untrue, since these are my experiences, but I would be very interested to hear them.

  2. nikki04 October 31, 2010 at 2:13 pm #

    Dear Esme,

    I had the exact same reaction as you did to this song.

    YES I worry about it being on mainstream pop radio – because so many won’t get it but… it is so… incredibly… right on.

    There was a time in my life when I didn’t understand how people in abusive relationships could stay there. Why they didn’t get help, buy a bus ticket, make a new friend, read the post-it notes on the back of bathroom doors, just get the f out. What was wrong with them? But… not I understand.

    I have been in an abusive relationship too.

    Kudos for being so open. Congrats on it being your ex.

    I’m curious to hear more from lyndasay lohan too.

    • Esme October 31, 2010 at 3:13 pm #

      I hope it is your ex as well. It makes me sad to realize how big of a sisterhood it really is…
      Much love.

      • nikki04 November 1, 2010 at 7:26 am #

        Yes. Over seven years an ex.

        Add to it your run-of-the-mill violence against women like date rape, and there’s not one of us it hasn’t touched.

        Love right back at ya.

  3. Bob January 17, 2011 at 3:46 am #

    Hi Esme. Nikki turned me on to your blog here and in particular this running dialogue. I had no idea why women found this song so attractive. I was DJ’ing an event last summer and the amount of young women who begged for this song was incredible.

    I have my own little debate going on right now about censorship in Canada. Feel free to check into it if you so choose.

    Take Care

    • Esme January 18, 2011 at 1:45 pm #

      Hi Bob, thanks for reading!

      I have an excellent idea why young women have gone crazy for this song. I like it for the reasons I outlined in my post…I feel it offers a very raw look into the emotional aspects of abuse. And if you really listen to the lyrics-it does not glamorize it, nor does it make it sexy. The song reminds me what I was strong enough to leave, and what could have happened. It was outlining my future…
      Some younger women these days, in my opinion, think some abuse is sexy. The super-jealous boyfriend that gets angry when they talk to another guy, etc. They think that means their man loves them. In it’s simplest form: abuse=love.
      Even Eminem, when he talks about this song, does not advocate abuse. Does not think it’s sexy. Does not think it’s right. Education is always the key.
      This could be a whole separate blog post in itself…

  4. jackie September 9, 2011 at 11:28 am #

    I’m confused – I thought you were not a paramedic/firefighter until after your marriage broke up?

    • Esme September 9, 2011 at 11:33 am #

      I’ve been I’m the fire service for seven years. Well before my separation. Ask my ex, and he will tell you it lead to the downfall of our marriage!

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