Finally! I know you want to know…

22 Oct

…and I can’t wait to tell you…

Read on Dah-lings…

I have been back in town for a few days, but my internet was on the fritz (hate fucking technology).  I venture to Starbucks, even though I don’t drink coffee, to get that new ORGASMIC salted pretzel caramel hot chocolate every morning.  I lugged my laptop with me one day-and one day only.  I looked like such a fucking tool sitting there at my little round table with my little white cup with the little white lid sipping my little sips so I don’t burn my tongue on this FUCKING deliciousness, that I couldn’t stand it.  I decided to never be that person again.  I don’t make million dollar deals, I don’t need to have technology at my beck and call (although I am sad to say I like it), so I decided to wait for the internet company to get off their fat asses and come fix the problem at my house.  Hence, the late post, and this way-too-long tangent.

Alright!  What was it I wanted to talk about?  Ahh yes…my little trip…

Nice Guy, henceforth referred to as NG, called me the morning I was set to leave and said we were going to go to a nice restaurant when I got into town.  Would I need to go back to his house and change?  Rule number 2 of being a bad girl?  We are always fucking prepared.  No, I wasn’t going to need to go back to his place.  I would be good to go.  And I was.

I walked off that airplane fucking ALL SYSTEMS GO.  I strutted in tall boots with 4-inch heels, form-fitting jeans, a deep v-neck sweater in a deep purple that really complimented my pale skin and dark hair.  I had straightened my naturally curly hair for an edgier look, and had given myself some rock star make-up.  People were moving the fuck outta my way as I was walking through that damn airport.  I walked out as he was pulling up (just like I had planned it…this bitch waits for no one), got in, and we sped off.  Damn did he look delicious.

At dinner he made sure he was sitting perpendicular to me.  He was holding my hand, running his fingers up and down my arm.  At one point he was staring at me while I was talking.  I stopped and asked ‘what?’, thinking something had happened.  He actually rendered me speechless…

‘I have no idea what the hell you are talking about.  You just look so fucking amazing tonight.  You have always looked good, but, WOW.  You are sexy.  I can’t stop staring.  I can’t stop touching.  The whole place just disappeared while I was sitting here looking at you.’

WOW, right??  Can this man talk a good game or what??  I actually broke a girl code…I had no response.  I smiled, blushed while he brushed my hair behind my ear, and leaned in for a kiss.  Fucking speechless.

He kept me speechless for a majority of the 5 days while I was there.  The next morning we went on a road trip to one of the most beautiful places I have ever been to in my entire life.  I got to watch ocean life frolic and play.  Take romantic walks along the water.  Sit on the patio of our hotel suite and listen to the waves crash on the shore.  Watch the almost-full moon glisten off the ocean in the middle of the night.  Eat some delicious seafood.  Drink a lot of alcohol.  Snuggle and kiss more than I ever thought possible.  Fall asleep in his arms each night.  Wake up each morning covered in kisses, and with laughter.  Spend my days and nights with someone who made me feel safe. And yes, dear readers with the dirty minds, we finally got down to business.  And it was fan-fucking-tastic. We definitely have no problems in the intimacy department…

It was, all in all, a very successful vacation.  A vacation-that unfortunately-left many more questions than answers.  I left with more feelings than I went with.  Fuck.  I left with more of an appreciation for him then I went with.  Fuck.  We never discussed the feelings or the expectations.  Fuck fuck fuck.  I didn’t realize them, however, until I got home and I woke up the next morning.  I rolled over in bed and stretched out my arm to the other side.  In my sleep-induced haze, I expected him to be there.  When it was empty, I had an overwhelming sadness.  FUCK!  FEELINGS!!  I hate feelings.  They are sooo…girlie…and to be honest, I never expected to find someone I wanted to share my bed with on a regular basis…

So here is where I stand on it…I don’t.  I’ve said before that I don’t think we will wind up together.  Every once in a while I find a job in that state I am interested in, and I apply for shits and grins.  Just to see.  Hasn’t happened.  He will never say ‘Move here and be with me’.  We are both stubborn ass-hats who won’t make the first move.  But I can tell all of you out there…and some of you may understand…I have finally met someone who I want in my life.  And I will take him anyway I can get him.  Even if it is just as a friend.  But, I will share this as well…I was talking to him yesterday and he sounded so…down.  I asked him what was wrong and he said he was dealing with me leaving.  I said aawwwwww.

Inside, I said FUCK YES!!!!!!

Yes, a fucking phenomenal vacation.  I loved it, needed it, craved it.  Gotta love anyplace where you get to rock your bad self…

Love, Esme

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