My Time With The Doctor

6 Aug

Dear Doctor,

I am back in Brand New State, thinking back to our last 5 days together.  It was interesting, great, eye-opening-to name a few adjectives. This could be a really long letter, outlining our time together.  From picking me up from the airport to you dropping me back off.  But there is no need to get into every detail.

What I will get into are the words that were said.  You took me out to a Greek restaurant.  (I HATE Greek food, but you love it.  I had the salmon anyways!)  We had really easy-flowing conversation which I was glad and grateful for.  As I said in a previous letter, we never spent a long amount of time together.  I was worried about it.  But I digress…back to dinner…easy conversation.  A lot of talking, laughing, flirting.  As we were walking out to the car you pulled me into your arms and tilted my head up so our eyes met.  Can I say something without it coming out sappy, you asked?  Say away, I replied.  Then I was floored:

Sometimes when we have sex, I really feel like we are making love.

I stared at you, my jaw dropped.  I felt the same way but would have never admitted it to you.  It was something I was going to take to my grave.

Really, I asked?  You do?

Yes, Esme.  I do.  I think you feel the same way.  I think I am in love with you.  No, I know I am.  I love you.

I continued to stare at you.  I looked into your eyes, searching for any hint of a cruel joke.  All I saw was raw honesty.  I put my hand on your cheek and you leaned into it.

Oh Doctor, I think I love you too.  I truly and honestly think I do.

You know Esme, if you would have stayed in Old State I’d expect us to be pretty freaking serious at this point in time.  And I want to ask you to be mine, but it isn’t fair to either of us, living so far apart.  We don’t see each other enough to warrant the exclusive talk.  But I wish we were having that talk.  I really wish we were.

We went back to your place and proceeded to make honest-to-goodness love.  I don’t think I have ever made love before.  I didn’t even care for my ex-husband enough to do that.  It was amazing.  The eye contact, slow moves, soft kisses.  You brushing the hair from my eyes, whispering words of love into my neck and my ear.  Me holding onto you for dear life, afraid to let you go.  Again, amazing.

The L-word wasn’t mentioned for another couple of days.  Not until we were driving to the airport.  So Esme, you said-with a smile in your voice and on your lips-I can’t believe you finally admitted you were head over heels in love with me!  If I recall correctly, I replied, you said it first.  So I did, you said.  So I did.  You put your arm around my shoulders and drew me in so you could kiss my forehead.

You got me safely to the airport.  You parked the car so you could walk me inside.  We hugged for a long moment and shared a kiss.  I’m going to miss you, you said.  I know, I’m going to miss you as well.

I wasn’t expecting a declaration of love.  I had a feeling it was there, but I never thought you would say it.  It doesn’t change anything.  We are still 3,000 miles apart.  You don’t plan on moving, and it will be quite some time before I decide to move again.  I’m not sure what, if anything, will change.  Or what could happen.  We are set to see each other again next week, during my original trip to Old State.  I am interested to see how it will go…

Love, Esme

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2 Responses to “My Time With The Doctor”

  1. Angela H August 7, 2010 at 6:05 pm #

    WOW! that sounds like a pretty freaking awesome feeling! I know that it takes alot to allow ourselves to be so vulnerable to get to that place. It is amazing when we do! I’m so happy for you to be able to have found that! Good Luck!
    Angela,
    P.S.
    I’m here from the lady Bloggers Tea Party

  2. KaPau! August 8, 2010 at 7:24 am #

    Esme!!!!!♥♥♥♥ How phenomenal…bittersweet bc of the distance, but ummm WOW girl..beautiful:)
    I know that very feeling/experience you describe (and even the part about not having it even w/the ex-h) and I’m so happy that you’re having the incredible opportunity to know it, feel it, and act on it!!!!!! I’ll never forget, I’d always wondered what the phrase “Waiting to exhale” meant…and it was in that time for me that I felt I took my actual first “breath”..as though I’d been unknowingly holding my breath all my life…until that very moment…
    Simply… WOW! I’m so happy for you:) xoxo

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