Archive | May, 2010


24 May

Dear Nice Guy,

Wow, do we already have some stories!  Things are going better than I ever could have imagined.  And to think it all started with a visit to the emergency room…

In you, I think I may have met my match.  And I am a little scared by that.  I am continually amazed by what you do for me.  By all of the little things.  Your words, your actions.  You make me question my old thought process of the inherent good of man.  I used to believe it didn’t exist.  You have changed that…

You make me feel incredibly sexy!  You brush the hair back from my eyes.  You hold my hand whenever possible.  You hug me often, and offer kisses at any time.  You set your alarm early for work so we can have ‘snuggle time’, as neither of us can sleep touching someone.  You are always looking out for my comfort.  And you tell me often how amazing I am…and what I love the most?  We haven’t even had sex yet.

I am not used to GOOD…I am used to bad.  I thrive on chaos.  My job and my past choices concur with that statement.  I am not trying to mess anything up.  I am not trying to find the bad.  I am trying very hard to go with it.  But that little nagging voice in my head wonders when I am going to fuck this up.

Please don’t give up on me…if I pull away, please don’t let go…

Love, Esme



10 May

Dear Nice Guy,

Well well, maybe there is a nice guy left after all…

I met you through a ‘meet-up’ group-a place you can get together with people who share the same interests as you-and against my better judgement I agreed to meet you for coffee the next evening.  I figured coffee was safe.  It could be a short date if need be.

The next day I was putzing around my house, doing nothing of importance.  And that’s when it happened…disaster.  I was jogging down the carpeted stairs in my socks.  I either lost my balance or tripped over my own feet.  Next thing I knew my feet were above my head.  I fell of the side of the stairs where there is no railing, cracked my back on the edge of the staircase and fell on the hardwood floor.  I couldn’t catch my breath.  The pain was instantaneous.  And, I live 6 miles up a mountain road, no one else was around.  I crawled to the bathroom because I thought I was going to be sick.  I stood up because I wanted to make sure my legs still worked.  Then I did the STUPIDEST THING EVER…and I wholly blame this on the fact I am a firemedic and we are a stubborn bunch…I drove myself to the hospital.  (At this point I was in excruciating pain, half-way hysterical, and I drove.  I’m a dork.)

Once at the hospital I was given a phenomenal dose of medicine.  Fentenyl, Ativan, and Dilaudid.  Overkill?  Possibly.  Grateful?  Absolutely.  At some point, I remembered I had a date with you.  I called and told you the situation.  Now mind you, I have no recollection of this phone call.  I’m sure I sounded like hell.  I’m sure I couldn’t answer simple questions.  Next thing I knew…you were walking into my room at the ER.

Wow, am I impressed!  You sat with me the whole time I was there.  You waited while I had x-rays and CT scans.  You helped me get comfortable.  You got me pillows and blankets.  And you listened to me babble incessantly about what was probably really ridiculous things.  You walked me to my cousins car and made sure I got in safe.  And you have called to check up on me regularly.

I have to say…no other guy I have dated, or had any other kind of relationship with, would have done that for me.  I barely know you and you were willing to sit in the hospital with me all day.  You gave up time in your life for me.  I am so touched by that.

Tomorrow we are going to try a real date, provided my back cooperates with me.  You chose dinner and a movie so I get to sit since it feels better.  Still thinking of me and my comfort.  I’m not used to this!  I actually hope this date goes well…

Love, Esme