I Am So Confused…

18 Dec

Dear Readers,

So check this out…I am writing this to you because I have NO IDEA what is going on here…

The other night, Wednesday, I got a call from Mr. Hottie.  Yes…after that last text message, he actually called me.  I wasn’t making the first move after that bullshit.

Him: Hey Esme, what are you doing?

Me: Ummm…in my pajamas watching TV.  It’s 830.  (Yes, I was feeling particularly lame right at that moment)

Him: get dressed, meet me out.

Damn!  All goes back to the fact that I just can’t turn him down!  He said he only wanted to be out about 30 minutes, and I was intrigued.  I got dressed, and looked GOOD, and met him out.

A 30 minute drink turned into a 2 1/2 hour dinner.  He was talking just like he never spilled his guts to me…like nothing had transpired.  I finally brought it up.

Me: I want to talk about what you said last time I saw you.

Him: I didn’t say anything.

Me: Yes, you did.  And I want to discuss it.

Him: I don’t remember anything I may or may not have said.  But if I said it, I meant it.

Then he switched subjects.  I let it go.  Then he grabbed my hand and said Did you think about it?

I hesitated, not sure how to proceed.  Then he said never mind, he didn’t want to know.

Again, subject switched.  I let it go this time.  Then a while later he said this…

Him: You know you are beautiful, sexy, amazing.  I have such a great time with you.  You are going to make someone so happy.

I snorted…yes, very unladylike.  Never mind I get told all the time I am too much like a guy.  Comes from working at the firehouse, I think…

He reiterated what he said again.  I looked at him, told him I realize I have an effect on him, and I wasn’t sure what to do about it.

Him: You can kid yourself, you don’t have an effect on me.

Me: Really.  Look in my eyes and tell me that.  Seriously, do it.  You can’t.  And I know this because of everything you said to me.  Because you called me.  Because you are here.

Him: So maybe you do.  Maybe you do.  What do you want, Esme?

Me: I want uncomplicated.  I want the way we were.  I miss it.  I miss us, how it was.  It was easy.

Him: Can we go back there?  Do you think we can?

Me: I don’t know.  I want to, but you changed the game here.

We finished eating, finished drinking.  No more serious talk.  We talked just like we used to.  When it came time to leave, he asked me over.  I wanted to, oh my God, I wanted to.  But I didn’t.  I said tonight is not the night to try to start this up again.

He promised me I would see him this next week.  We will see what happens.

What in the HELL just happened here????

Love, Esme


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