Totally Unexpected

7 Dec

Dear Mr. Hottie,

Wow, did you just throw me a curve ball.  It has even took a couple of days to write you this letter because I am not even sure what to say.

The other night you called me at midnight.  Esme, you said.  I really need to talk to you.  Tonight.  Right now.  It can’t wait.

Right now, I said.  This can’t wait until tomorrow.

No, you replied.  It can’t.  Can you meet me at the local 24-hour eatery?

I told you I would, got up and threw some clothes on.  As I drove the 20 minutes, I tried to figure out what it was you wanted to tell me.  Maybe you had a bad call that was making you lose sleep.  Maybe something happened in your personal life that you just really needed to talk to someone about.  I was racking my brain, the best one can after midnight, to try and figure out what was up with you.  Needless to say, it was not anything I expected…

Since this was a three-hour conversation, here is an edited version…

You: Esme, I don’t know why I feel the need to tell you this.  I don’t know why I have to tell you this.  Ever since you told me you had a date this weekend, I have been physically ill.  It has seriously fucked me up.  I want to be the only one you’re seeing.  I want to be the one you call, the one you’re with.

Me: Wow…umm…OK…

You: I’m realizing that I really like you.  I love the time we spend together, whether we are watching a movie, going out for drinks, or being intimate.  I want to be the only one you are sleeping with.  And don’t deny that you like me, because I know you do.

Me: I’m not going to confirm or deny anything.  But I have some concerns here.  You are completely changing the rules of our game.  For someone who is completely torn up about me going out on a date, I haven’t seen you in 4 freaking weeks.  And you are a notorious playboy.  Fun is OK, relationship is not.

You: I’m tired of being a playboy.  I want to try a relationship.

Me: TRY?  You want to try?  I am not ok making you a priority, while I am just an option for you!  There is no try.

You: I haven’t seen you in 4 weeks because I have been super busy.  But I will be better!  You can even tell me when you want to see me.  I will be there.  Please, Esme, just tell me what you want from me.  Tell me what you want me to do.  Please.

Me: I don’t know.  I just don’t know.  You threw me a curve ball.  I don’t know how to react to this.  I just don’t.

You: Can I ask you a question?  Would you bring me home to meet your kids?

Me: No.  I don’t bring good times home to my children.

You: I want to be the guy you bring home to them.  I really do.

Me: Oh-Kay…this isn’t a joke here, Mr. Hottie.  It’s not.  Just stop it.

You: No, it isn’t a joke.  I am being serious.  Can I ask you another question?  Can you postpone this date until you think about this?

Me: No, I am not going to postpone my date.  But I promise you I will think about it.

You: That’s all I can ask.

You  walked me out to my car and gave me a long hug.  You whispered to me just tell me what you want from me.  I again responded I don’t know.  You let go and walked away.

I haven’t heard from you since.  I don’t think I gave you the response you were looking for.

At first I was really angry you told me all of this.  What timing, two days before I was set to go on a date with another guy.  Then I realized how much courage it had to take for you to do that.  How much bravery it had to take to sit there and make yourself completely vulnerable.  I still don’t know how I feel about all of this.  I have tried to contact you a couple of times, and you have not returned my phone calls.  I have come to the conclusion that if you truly are serious, you will prove it to me.

Love, Esme


One Response to “Totally Unexpected”


  1. What Do I Do With This? | Love, Esme - July 4, 2011

    […] you haven’t been reading for the last year and a half, click HERE for what happened last time he poured his heart out to me.  I took it, stomped on it like a bitch, […]

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