Archive | December, 2009

All I Want For Christmas

28 Dec

Dear Santa,

A little late, but better late then never…

What do I want for Christmas?  No one ever bothers to ask, but I am going to tell you.  I haven’t been the best girl this year, but I deserve happiness.

I want a man.  Not just any man, but a real man.  A man who isn’t intimidated by my career.  A man who doesn’t mind that I have plenty of male friends.  A man who is impressed by my knowledge of sports trivia.

I don’t want an insecure man.  I don’t want a momma’s boy.  Of course, he should love his momma, but I want him to be able to make his own decisions.  I want a man who isn’t afraid to call me on my bullshit.  A man who isn’t afraid to take charge.  But I also want a man who will watch a chick flick with me because it is what I want to do.

I want a man who will take me to a hockey game, and have fun doing it.  I want a man who will take me to a play on Broadway, and will tolerate it.  A man who is comfortable dressing up for a night out on the town, or dressing down for a night at the local sports bar.

But mostly, I want a man who appreciates me.  Who can love me for what I have to offer, and can like me despite all of my faults (and there are plenty of them!)  A man who is content holding me and telling me I am beautiful.  A man who will never get tired of holding my hand.

And let’s be honest, Santa, looks are kind of important!  I would like a man who keeps in decent shape, who takes some pride in his appearance.  A built upper body, which is my weakness.  And while I am dreaming, let him be a bit of a bad boy…a few tattoos, a Harley, a smirk that can make me melt…

So if it’s not too much to ask for, Santa…sometime in 2010…thanks!

Love, Esme

New Guy Update

20 Dec

Dear New Guy,

Well, I haven’t heard from you in three days now…so I think it is safe to say this is over.  I am sorry you weren’t man enough to tell me what your issue was.  Have a nice life.

Love, Esme

I Am So Confused…

18 Dec

Dear Readers,

So check this out…I am writing this to you because I have NO IDEA what is going on here…

The other night, Wednesday, I got a call from Mr. Hottie.  Yes…after that last text message, he actually called me.  I wasn’t making the first move after that bullshit.

Him: Hey Esme, what are you doing?

Me: Ummm…in my pajamas watching TV.  It’s 830.  (Yes, I was feeling particularly lame right at that moment)

Him: get dressed, meet me out.

Damn!  All goes back to the fact that I just can’t turn him down!  He said he only wanted to be out about 30 minutes, and I was intrigued.  I got dressed, and looked GOOD, and met him out.

A 30 minute drink turned into a 2 1/2 hour dinner.  He was talking just like he never spilled his guts to me…like nothing had transpired.  I finally brought it up.

Me: I want to talk about what you said last time I saw you.

Him: I didn’t say anything.

Me: Yes, you did.  And I want to discuss it.

Him: I don’t remember anything I may or may not have said.  But if I said it, I meant it.

Then he switched subjects.  I let it go.  Then he grabbed my hand and said Did you think about it?

I hesitated, not sure how to proceed.  Then he said never mind, he didn’t want to know.

Again, subject switched.  I let it go this time.  Then a while later he said this…

Him: You know you are beautiful, sexy, amazing.  I have such a great time with you.  You are going to make someone so happy.

I snorted…yes, very unladylike.  Never mind I get told all the time I am too much like a guy.  Comes from working at the firehouse, I think…

He reiterated what he said again.  I looked at him, told him I realize I have an effect on him, and I wasn’t sure what to do about it.

Him: You can kid yourself, you don’t have an effect on me.

Me: Really.  Look in my eyes and tell me that.  Seriously, do it.  You can’t.  And I know this because of everything you said to me.  Because you called me.  Because you are here.

Him: So maybe you do.  Maybe you do.  What do you want, Esme?

Me: I want uncomplicated.  I want the way we were.  I miss it.  I miss us, how it was.  It was easy.

Him: Can we go back there?  Do you think we can?

Me: I don’t know.  I want to, but you changed the game here.

We finished eating, finished drinking.  No more serious talk.  We talked just like we used to.  When it came time to leave, he asked me over.  I wanted to, oh my God, I wanted to.  But I didn’t.  I said tonight is not the night to try to start this up again.

He promised me I would see him this next week.  We will see what happens.

What in the HELL just happened here????

Love, Esme

Just Had To Share

14 Dec

Carrie Blogshaw over at  http://sexandtheshtty.blogspot.com/ posted this on her site.  These are the kind of guys that I generally attract, without even trying.  Enjoy!

Love, Esme

Oh The Possibilitites…

14 Dec

Dear Readers,

So I have the possibility of another date on Wednesday, and I am not sure what to do!  Let me explain…

New Guy seems into me whenever I see him, but getting him to see me is becoming such a chore.  Part of me thinks that you are really trying to keep things from moving too fast.  But there is slow, then there is S-L-O-W.  And right now we are at S-L-O-W.  And we have absolutely no committment.  But part of me would feel guilty for going out on another date.  Should I feel this way?

Potential Date is someone I have known for a few months.  He finally got up the nerve to ask me out.  If he would have asked a while ago, I would have said yes.  So should I just say yes now and go see what he is all about?

Decisions…

Love, Esme

Update on Mr. Hottie

14 Dec

Dear Mr. Hottie,

I have to say…after spilling your guts, I expected to hear from you at some point.  I really did.  When I didn’t hear from you, I tried to contact you.  I called and left messages.  I texted you.  II finally heard back after I threatened to never talk to you again.  Your response?

I’m working.  Quit bugging me.

And so I am.

Love, Esme

Still Going Well!

12 Dec

Dear New Guy,

Well, we had date number three, and I have to admit you were quite a trooper!

My best friend had called me a few days ago and wanted my opinion on a new girl he had started seeing that I have yet to meet.  Since I did not want to be the proverbial third wheel, I kind of dragged you along.  My taking you along also had a sneaky second reason attached to it…I wanted my best friend to check you out…

I wasn’t expecting the night to be a success, but it was.  The four of us got along really well.  We played some pool, had a few beers, talked and laughed.  You were a little more affectionate than you have been in the past, which was really nice.

We left first, and headed back to your place.  You went into the bathroom, and I waited right outside the bathroom door for you.  You walked out, and I jumped…literally.  There was NO WAY I was letting either of us fall asleep.  None.  And we didn’t…not for a good hour, at least…

All in all, a successful date.  And I am thinking many more to come!

Love, Esme