Archive | November, 2009

Oh Man, Racing Thoughts…

30 Nov

Dear Self,

Esme, you need to pull your act together.  What is your deal?

OK, so your dating life up until now has been…interesting.  Not many people can have your experiences.  Some you bring on yourself.  Others completely blindsided you.  And now, you are having a mini panic-attack.  For what?  Well, I’m guessing for a couple of reasons.

Date number two.  Ah yes…it has been a while since we have been out on a date number two.  You waited so long for New Guy to ask you out again.  And when he did, you were just excited.  Now, you are realizing date number two has a bit of committment attached to it.  You said yes because you like him.  Because you want to see where this can go.  Because he intrigues you.  Because he just may be as nice as he comes across, and you crave that.  But there is that committment issue…is date number two necessarily a committment?  How is seeing someone a second time equaling a long-term relationship in your mind?  I know you have been burned in the past, but it is time to move forward.  Can’t you just look at it as getting to know him better?  If you freak out over this, you may ruin a good thing!

The second issue I think you are having?  You are completely weirded out about this Mr. Hottie curve ball.  Why now?  Why does he suddenly want to go out on a date?  What is wrong with the old arrangement…hey, you free, come over arrangement.  I know that is the kind of relationship you crave.  No attachments.  No strings.  Therefore no hurt feelings later down the road.  You both get what you need, and you move on.

But how long can you do that for, Esme?  How long can you keep having these meaningless relationships?  Maybe it is time to give someone a chance…

Be brave!

Love, Esme


And The Heavens Opened…The Angels Sang…

29 Nov

Dear New Guy,

I can’t believe it actually happened…almost three weeks after our first date…you finally asked me out on a second date.  For this next weekend.  OK, so I have to wait a whole week to go out with you again…so it will be almost four weeks since our first date.  But you did it.  I feel so proud…

I wonder what took so long.  Was it because you were out-of-town?  Would it have been so hard to say “Hey, let’s get together when I get back?”  Apparently.  But I did have a good time with you.  And I am looking forward to seeing where this can go.  So as long as we actually get together, and have a great time, I will forgive this three-week transgression.  And I am so making you plan this date.  I truly am tired of having to make all of the decisions in my relationships.  I have to make enough decisions in my everyday life, and in my job.  I don’t want to do it in my dating life as well.

I am interested in you…I hope this date goes well!

Love, Esme

Something Quite Unexpected!

29 Nov

Dear Mr. Hottie,

So in the last month, we have talked, remained friends.  At some point, you finally admitted that you have been seeing someone.  I told you I was happy for you!  Everyone deserves to find that special someone if that is what they are looking for.

I have been having car problems.  In addition to being a hunky firefighter, you are also a certified mechanic.  So…you were the first person I contacted.  I sent you a text message yesterday, not wanting to call you at an inopportune moment: I know you’re busy, but how much for a new power steering pump?  Mine is going out…need a new one.

About 4 hours later you gave me a call.  As usual, your baritone voice made me weak in the knees.  You asked some questions about my car, told me it probably was my power steering.  You said the parts won’t be much, but the labor will be expensive.  Of course.  Then you said this: But I will make you a deal.

Me: OK, shoot.

You: I will hook you up on one condition.  Fix your car, no cost for labor, if you let me take you out.

Me: Fine.  We go out for drinks all of the time.  Deal.

You: No.  I mean out.  On a date.  As in you dress up nice, I come pick you up. We treat it as a date.

I paused here.  Date?  You?  Not like hey come over, but a date?

Me: What about your girlfriend, did you forget about her?  And how do you know I am not dating someone right now?

You: I no longer have a girlfriend.  And I know you aren’t dating someone, at least not seriously.  I am ready to have some fun, and you are the person I want to have fun with.  Esme, you and I both know you are not going to turn me down.  We are way too attracted to each other.  And when we have sex, it is amazing.  And I also know this about you.  Even if you were dating someone…you still wouldn’t turn me down.  After the kind of marriage you had, you are way too interested in having fun and playing the field.  I know you won’t settle down and commit until you absolutely have to.

Damn.  Damn, damn, damn. You got me…I can’t turn you down.  I can’t even give you a half-hearted attempt.  And I am afraid you are right…I don’t think I could ever turn you down.  I called you cocky, and you chuckled.

Me: You are so confident about that, aren’t you?

You: I get back into town on Tuesday.  Be prepared to dress nice.  I will call you with a date and time.  Bye Esme.

I stared at my phone when the line went dead.  My heart was racing a little, and I had to slow my breathing.  I knew, without looking in the mirror, I had a ridiculous smile on my face.  I know, for a fact, this will never go anywhere.  But I love how you are just so MANLY…I like that you are cocky, it’s a turn-on.  I like that you are confident.  I like you are so positive about things.  I like that I don’t have to be that man in this relationship.  I like I don’t have to guess what is on your mind.

Oh, but this could be so much fun…

Love, Esme

You Are Killing Me

28 Nov

Dear New Guy,

I really hate getting to know new people.  And I hate having to start playing the guessing game all over again.

We haven’t been on another date since the first one, however we have talked a lot.  Texting, phone calls.  We have been in constant communication.  You constantly tell me things like “In the winter, we will go snowboarding”.  “In the spring, we will go do this.”  “In the summer, we can go do that.”  But I CAN NOT get you to commit to a second date.

You do have a couple of good reasons for not seeing me the last couple of weeks.  Right after we had our date, you came down with H1N1.  Can’t fault you there.  Then, you left for vacation for 9 days for Thanksgiving with your family.  Guess I can’t fault that one, either.

As I said, we talk often.  I have tried bringing up ideas of great ideas for dates.  I have come straight out and said I would like to see you again.  And you just won’t commit.  OK, fine…you are not into me.  I get it….or are you?

You tell me how much you like hearing from me.  Once I said I don’t call much because I don’t want to interrupt you, and you said I am never an interruption.  You text me all the time.  No…you are into me.  I just think that: 1. You have no game.  2. You have no idea what to do with what is thrown at you.  Maybe you have been out of the game for so long, you really just don’t know what you are doing.  And this is absolutely killing me.  I’m not sure how long I am willing to wait for you, here…

Love, Esme

Maybe It Can Work…

12 Nov

Dear New Guy,

Well, I met you on one of the first days that I was on there.  We had been writing, but I never gave you much of a thought.  However, we continued to write.  Continued to find out we had a lot in common.  I was impressed with the fact that over the two months we had been communicating, you didn’t bring up anything sexual once.  Not once.  You really seemed to respect my boundaries.  I began to wonder if there might be something there.  I casually threw out the idea of meeting for a drink…and you jumped on it.

We met halfway at a pretty nice restaurant.  I showed up first, went in, and bought myself a drink.  You walked in just a few minutes later.  I liked what I saw.  Tall, as in over six feet, blond hair cut close to your head, glasses over blue eyes.  You carried yourself well.  Thin yet muscular…very nice…

I hesitated for a second before I waved you down.  I hate blind dates…what if I wasn’t what you expected?  I sucked in a deep breath, and waved.  When your eyes landed on me, you smiled.  I exhaled, not realizing I had been holding my breath.  I smiled back and relaxed.

You walked over and sat down.  For the next two and a half hours, we didn’t stop talking.  Our conversation flowed so easily.  Nothing was forced.  We laughed, we flirted, we drank, and we ate.  The time flew by.

You had to put an end to our date, as you had to work the next morning.  You walked me to my car.  You gave me a hug, and told me you would call me tomorrow.  I was even more impressed by you…you were a perfect gentleman.  You made no move to grope me, molest me, date rape me, nothing.  I was, needless to say, floored.  WOW.

We have talked a number of times since the date.  We have even made plans to go out again next week.  I wonder where this may go…and I am so excited to find out…

Love, Esme

Mr. Hottie Letting Me Down…

7 Nov

Mr. Hottie,

It’s been two weeks, here…two weeks.  Two very long weeks.  You have turned me down quite a few times the last two weeks.  Did I mention it has been two weeks?  It has, two weeks, in case I didn’t.

I sent you a text message, asking you what you were doing ‘right now.  I am all alone, as in no one home.  Right now’.  Your response?  Sounds sooo tempting, but I have to work tonight.

What?  Tonight?  I sent that at two in the afternoon!  You don’t work until 6!  You live 20 minutes from me.

I think it is time to find a new playmate…

Love, Esme

Internet Dating And I May Not Mix…

3 Nov

Dear Weirdo,

So the day before my membership expired, you contacted me.  We talked for a while, and you seemed genuine.  After talking for less than a month, I agreed to meet you for lunch.  Neutral location.  Somewhere safe.

We met, and I actually had a really good time.  I relaxed immediately.  I found you easy to talk to.  And…you weren’t a firefighter.  Double bonus in my book.  We talked and ate for well over two hours, then went our separate ways.

There were phone calls and text messages.  No talk of getting back together again, though.  Then you sent me a text that just knocked me back on my ass.

You:  So when are you gonna come over so we can fuck?

Me:  Lose my number.

Who does that?  Oh wait…guys I meet…

Love, Esme