And Women Are The Emotional Ones?

7 Sep

Dear Perfect,

So we went out the other night.  I owed you, it was my turn to be designated driver.  I didn’t dress up, since I was just going out with you.  Its one of the things I liked about our arrangement, I don’t have to dress to impress.

You showed up at my place, and the first thing you said is we need to pick up a female friend of yours.  Cool, I replied.  Always down with meeting new people.

Let’s just fast forward a few hours.  You and your friend are wasted, plowed, drunk off your asses.  You guys decided you had to have private conversations.  Both of you are huddled in the corner, and I am on the other side of the long table.  Playing with my water glass.  Swirling my straw around the ice.  Every once in a while, you would look over, say you are sorry, and resume your convo.  I was BORED, and I looked like a loser.

We finally got to leave, you came back to my place because you were waaaaayyyyyy to drunk to be alone.  I wound up having to start a line on you, you were so bad.  You finally passed out at 330, but not until after you had a few words for me.

You know Esme, you should be sleeping with a few different guys.  How do you know what’s out there if you don’t?

I was shocked, floored, flustered.

Perfect, the arrangement that we have does not stop me from going out on dates.  If I feel the need to sleep with any of these guys, I will let you know.  I don’t sleep with multiple men.

Esme, you said.  You are amazing. Awesome.  Incredible.  You are one of those rare finds, a keeper.  But…

You paused, and I looked at you.  But I’m never going to be good enough for you, am I Perfect.

You smiled, shook your head, and passed out.  I had to stay awake longer and make sure your IV finished.  I finally laid down a half-hour later, drained of all emotions.

In the morning you had no recollection of our conversation, of the things you said.  You snuggled with me in my bed, nothing physical happened.  And later you left.

The conversations that followed the next couple of days have me…I don’t know what.  Later on that day you informed me you couldn’t do the friends with benefits thing anymore.  You were afraid I would become attached and get hurt.  I laughed.  No problem there, Perfect.  I said.  I am not going to fall in love with you.  You seemed happy with that response.

The next conversation is what threw me for a loop.  You told me you are in love with the person we went out with that night.  I know, I figured by your actions, I said.  And you also told me I wasn’t good enough for you, so I am aware of your feelings.

I told you what? you asked.  I reiterated the story for you, word for word.  Wow, you said.  I would never tell you you aren’t good enough.  But you did, I said.  And I want to know why.  Why don’t men want a best friend and a lover?  Why is it I am great and awesome, but not good enough for you?

You went on some long song and dance of how it was you, not me.  (DUH).  How you are messed up.  How you are still struggling with feelings from your ex-wife, and now you love a friend of yours you have known for 15 years.  And she returns those feelings.  She is married, by the way.  Are you forgetting that fact?  Maybe she will do to you what you did to me.  Go out with you for a while, then dump you for her husband.  Karma goes full circle.

You tell me I am the only person you have ever trusted enough to tell everything to.  You said you never even told your wife about your feelings for this other woman.  You said you trust me with everything.  You are telling me so many things I don’t really want to hear.  I didn’t realize how much hearing these things would hurt.  It does.  It hurts that you couldn’t have these feelings for me.  Ever.

I am realizing now that our friendship is pretty one-sided.  You call me when you need to talk.  For the most part, when I call you to talk you always manage to turn the conversation you.  You only want to see me when it is convenient for you.  These truths hit me like a ton of bricks.  And now I am upset and angry.

I opened myself up to you.  I made myself vulnerable.  I was honest.  I had no walls when it came to you.  It took me a lot, A LOT to let myself be your friend again.  To let you back in.  Sure I have some lingering feelings for you.  I have been honest about it.  You said you understood, and you are ok with it.  But when things get turned around…when you have feelings for someone else even, you tell me it is getting too hard to be my friend.  WHAT?

It’s too hard to be my friend?  Why?  You have no answer for me.  You said you can tell me everything, and now your vulnerable.  Now that you have feelings for someone else, it isn’t right that I know all of that.  Isn’t right that you continue to talk to me when you still care for me, but love someone else.

Ouch.  I point out to you once again she is married.  You said you know.

What am I supposed to do in this situation?  I guess the only thing I can do is step aside, and let you do what it is you feel like you need to do.  I wished you luck and hung up the phone.

Today you keep texting me, wanting to talk about this new love.  Am I really supposed to go through this?  I don’t tell you about my dates.  How I got stood up the other day, and how it was a blow to my self esteem.  But you want to pick apart everything that was said to you by this girl.

I am not sure I can do this.  I am not sure I can sit and listen to this.  I am not sure if I can continue to be your friend.

Love, Esme

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3 Responses to “And Women Are The Emotional Ones?”

  1. Monique September 7, 2009 at 1:54 pm #

    He’s acting like a self-centered jackass, not like a friend.

  2. Ric September 7, 2009 at 5:10 pm #

    Unfortunatley he has treated you this way, smile be nice, especially since you have to work with him. You do deserve better than him, he just proved that by his actions. You will find that blogging helps release those feelings and thoughts held deep inside. You don’t need a man for that, I use this as my release, my expressions, no one I know even knows it exists, except my wife. She knows my deep dark secrets, and even with all the bad that I brought into my marriage, she still loves me. She is my bestfriend, something I developed with her a long time ago. Ok….now you have me writing a story. Maybe this is more well suited there.

    Find you, enjoy life, live it to the fullest. Plus you have me to chat with now..:)

    Be safe!

  3. Tee aka The Diva's Thoughts September 8, 2009 at 10:33 am #

    If a guy does not return my feelings I cut off all ties with him because I can not stand to listen to him rattle on about his new love. No way.

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