My Awakening

30 Aug

Dear Firefighter,

I have so much to thank you for, and you have no clue.  Probably never will, since I would never be brave enough to tell you this in person.  But you are the man that gave me the courage to get up and brush myself off.  The man that showed me it was okay to get back out there.  The man that proved sex is something that can be wonderful and fantastic.

For the previous ten years, I have had a horrible sex life…but I didn’t know it was horrible.  I thought it just wasn’t for me, that I didn’t like it, that it could never feel good.  Never once did I blame my ex-husband for the fact I didn’t have an orgasm.  I just thought I was defective.  I had heard my friends stories, and wistfully thought about the day…but you made that day a reality.

There were many instances that led up to that day.  We had many talks about my impending divorce, about the lack of my sex-life.  I remember one day I was running on the treadmill.  You approached me when I was in mile 2 of my run.  I was red, sweaty.  You stood in front of my treadmill, in my line of sight.  You gave a sexy half-smile (which always drive me crazy) and said to me:

I’m going to lay it on the line for you, Esme.  I feel like I have been throwing myself at you, and you aren’t picking up on it.  I am going to spell it out for you plainly since you have been through a lot.  You need a stiff dick.  You need to get laid, and you need someone to show you how great it can be.  When you are ready for that, come find me.

I stumbled, and caught myself before I fell off the treadmill.  I was speechless.  I stared at you as you turned on your heel and walked out.  Thoughts raced through my mind.  Two kept coming to the forefront:  Could I do this, and when can we do this?

As fate would have it, we were scheduled to work together a couple of weeks later.  And I had forgotten.  I walked into the station and came to a sudden halt.  You hadn’t forgotten.  You were sitting at the table, wearing that killer sexy smile.  Hey Esme, you said.  I’m looking forward to working with you today.

The day progressed, and I jumped every time you said my name or came near me.  My senses were on high alert, my body tingling.  I was ready, and I was waiting.

We finally got the chance later that night.  Only one other person was up with us.  I stood up and walked into the ambulance bay, muttering something about cheking to see if I replaced something.  I went into the bay, stood by the garage door, and tried to calm my racing heart.  I turned as the door to the day room opened, and you emerged on your phone.  You shut your phone, and sauntered over to me.  I was paralyzed, rooted to the spot.  You paused 5 steps from me, and just smiled.  You have to come to me, Esme.  You need to let me know that you want to do this.  I took a hesitant step forward, then another.  Once I was in your arms reach, you swept me into your embrace, your lips swooped down on mine.

Your hands explored my body, touching places that haven’t known pleasure in a long time.  It was all about me.  You let me enjoy every new sensation, let me get lost in the feelings.  At some point we moved into the ambulance so we wouldn’t get caught.  You took your time with me.  When you finally entered me, I thought I died and went to heaven.

As long as it lasted, it was over way to soon.  You helped me get dressed, straighten up my clothes, made sure I was presentable.  You gave me one small kiss on my forehead, smiled, and walked away.

Why is that day seared in my memory?  Because even though it was just a moment in your life, it was my awakening.  You showed me it can be fantastic.  You showed me I am attractive, that someone will want me…even if it is in just a sexual way.  And most important, you made me realize that I am not broken.  It wasn’t me, it was him.

No awkwardness exists between us.  We still work together without a problem, and that evening was never repeated.

I thank you.

Love, Esme

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7 Responses to “My Awakening”

  1. The Airbrushed Diva September 22, 2010 at 5:46 pm #

    AWESOME story, thanks for sharing. My experience being married 2x now to firefighters is that they are all cheating bastards. Maybe I just need to take them on as one time hot monkey sex lovers?

    • Esme September 22, 2010 at 6:13 pm #

      It always amazed me, listening to the stories these guys came into the firehouse with. Married and have girlfriends, the wild trapeze sex they would have. I learned so much more about the male species then I probably needed to…

  2. The Airbrushed Diva September 22, 2010 at 5:46 pm #

    By the way, posting your button on my Bad Ass Bitches page in my blog!

  3. MyDatingHangovers March 19, 2011 at 10:01 pm #

    Wow, wow, damn, wow. Thabk YOU for posting the link directing me to this. Esme, I can understand how and why AG will have a lasting place in your memory.

    This was a great story. I felt like I needed some popcorn and a coke!

  4. Thoughts Appear March 20, 2011 at 12:04 pm #

    This was AG? Awesome!

Trackbacks/Pingbacks

  1. Wicked Wednesday « Love, Esme - September 22, 2010

    […] https://love2esme.wordpress.com/2009/08/30/my-awakening/ […]

  2. Wicked Wednesday: BUSTED! « Love, Esme - October 27, 2010

    […] have blogged about ambulance boy before.  Even here on a Wicked Wednesday.  Fond memories, what can I say.  Plus, it’s a […]

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