As you may have guessed from the title, things got worse.
Loverboy and I finally had to agree to not talk about Daughter. Why? Well, read on.
He came home from work the other day. I was at his house since I had both sets of children, so I figured I would make a nice home-cooked meal. L walks in the door, sunny and happy, until he realizes Daughter is home. Like someone flipped a switch, he became sullen, grumpy, and reserved. Basically, a shit to be around.
During dinner, the two of them started getting into it. I finished my meal, and shooed the other kids out of the dining room. A few minutes later, L comes storming out, throws his plate in the sink, and follows Daughter down the stairs into her basement dwelling.
An hour passes.
L finally emerged, and is pulling the fake happy off with everyone. I am sure everyone knows what that is-it is obnoxious, annoying, irritating, and any other negative -ing adjective you can think of. I ask to speak with him upstairs, and I let some more of what is bothering me off of my chest.
I informed him that every time his daughter is around, his disposition changes dramatically. My kids ask about it, his kids ask about it. He treats everyone different. He won’t hug or kiss me when she is around (but will in front of his younger kids). He barely talks to me when she is around. He doesn’t smile. Get the idea? He is letting his 21-year-old run his emotions.
L then told me that he doesn’t know how to take what I have said, and that his attitude doesn’t change. I reiterated it does indeed change. He said it bothers him when I talk about Daughter. He said he knows she has issues, he knows she is a loser, but he will never turn his back on her, and she will always have a place to live. He said he doesn’t want me to bring it up again.
I looked at him for a minute, and said OK. I was totally thrown by his last comment, because he always asks for advice. I always tell him that she isn’t my daughter, so I can’t say.
Several days ago he brought up us moving in together. I told him that until he and his daughter fix whatever they have going on, I won’t move in. He seemed to accept it. He knows I have become increasingly uncomfortable, and he told me then that she will always have a home with him. So we all know I will never win this. I don’t think I should even expect to.
Sorry, I know this post is kind of rambly. I am just so torn and lost.
We have been talking about future stuff lately-never thought I would do that again! Anyways-we have. He wants a future with me. He wants me to move in with him next year. He wants me.
So…stop me if I am wrong here…
I think at some point I should expect to be first. I think for once he should focus on his happiness, and tell Daughter that if she can’t play ball, she can get her own fucking life instead of mooching off of him. I am not saying to cut her out. I am not saying to replace her. I am simply saying that he should focus on Loverboy.
And, of course, I want to know that I mean enough to him that he stands up for me and/or fights for me.
He tells me often that I am so important to him. And yet I now feel like limitations have been placed on our conversations. On our relationship. On our future.
To end the conversation, I told him that if he continues to let her call the shots, he is going to wind up a lonely old man, and it could be someday soon.
He reiterated how much I mean to him. I shook my head, and walked out of the room.
I’m wondering if this can only end one way.